Just back from a weekend away in Birmingham. Stayed with Ezra, Edith and Alethia. Know a few other people there too, and was especially thankful to be able to catch up with Kenneth again. Daniel, if you're reading this, you were mentioned and thought of!
Though short, but I was truly encouraged this weekend. It's a testimony of how God answers prayers (for a mentor) and divine appointments where authentic relationships are found through just meeting a few times.
Most things are caught and not taught. Am thankful for the opportunity to be in the midst of Ezra and Edith's family, to witness how they love and live with each other and cope with Alethia's situation. Conversations with them often surround other people with a true concern and otherness. Conversations can sometimes be about commenting on others, on personal weaknesses or difficult circumstances. But it's different with Ezra and Edith. Certainly caught the spirit of looking at what's good and right instead of dwelling on what's bad. There are enough people and our ownselves (as the main culprit) in being critical and the world needs more people to say positive things.
When I saw Kenneth, was reminded of God's goodness during my time in Boston. Knowing him and spending a few days with his family was a blessing. Though I didn't keep in touch with him much after I returned to UK, but I thank God for bringing him back to my thoughts and heart today.
Amongst the many things which I learned, God spoke powerfully to me through this verse:
1 John 3:19-20
'This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.'
Beginning to renew my mind whenever I habour self-critical thoughts and am beginning to sense a breakthrough as I apply the truth that God knows everything and is greater than my heart! Repentance is about the renewing of mind. It started when Ezra shared about this issue after he prayed for me on Sat night and I continued to allow God to speak into my heart on Sunday and actively apply it.
Sunday, 24 February 2008
Monday, 18 February 2008
Update
When you run the 400m, you make a last turn before you give it your all for the last straight sprint. I feel like I am just at the last turn in my Phd. Another intensive writing for 2 weeks and I can ease off while I wait for supervisors to read and make corrections after. Current plan is to return to Singapore on 10th March.
Updated CV and saw a career advisor today who was happy with my CV. Planning to send it off to DSO soon. I believe God spoke to me about DSO, so I will apply.
When I first came back from Singapore, it was on the subject of daily obedience. Recently the subject of relying on God's strength has been in my heart. How easy it can seem to be relying on God but in actual fact we are using Him instead. Relying on Him will cast away any anxiety. To deal with sin not with mere will power from our flesh, but live in victory because I am cleansed by His word. Woke up this morning to a fresh revelation of His grace after stumbling in a repeated sin.
Yesterday, Francis gave me a word, 'Stepping stone'. What's ahead is not an end by itself but a preparation for something bigger. I am still so young! Have to learn to be patient and not try to do too much too fast. It's a mixed feeling of excitment and uncertainty which causes me to simply trust God that He has already laid out the path for me.
Be blessed.
Updated CV and saw a career advisor today who was happy with my CV. Planning to send it off to DSO soon. I believe God spoke to me about DSO, so I will apply.
When I first came back from Singapore, it was on the subject of daily obedience. Recently the subject of relying on God's strength has been in my heart. How easy it can seem to be relying on God but in actual fact we are using Him instead. Relying on Him will cast away any anxiety. To deal with sin not with mere will power from our flesh, but live in victory because I am cleansed by His word. Woke up this morning to a fresh revelation of His grace after stumbling in a repeated sin.
Yesterday, Francis gave me a word, 'Stepping stone'. What's ahead is not an end by itself but a preparation for something bigger. I am still so young! Have to learn to be patient and not try to do too much too fast. It's a mixed feeling of excitment and uncertainty which causes me to simply trust God that He has already laid out the path for me.
Be blessed.
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
'Hidden agenda'
It's been almost a month since I returned to UK to complete my thesis. God has been good. Am more aware of how He watches over the little things in my life and answers prayers. My thesis writing have been smooth, feel like I am cutting corners in some areas, but I trust that there is sufficient material and that God would grant me success. Recently, Karen, another singaporean Phd student in economics passed her Viva (Well done Karen!). She was told that the Phd would be awarded at the start of the examination, which is not common even if the examiner already had such intentions. My first reaction was that 'God is so amazing!'. Was surprised at my own reaction, that I did not feel the least envious. I trust that my time would come in God's providence.
I just read something which sums up an area in my heart over the past weeks.
From 'Learning at the crossroads' from Neil Hood.
'Ambition is not the problem, but what fuels it and directs it can be. Sorting out the complexitiy of our motives is not easy because of the presence of sin. At best we are broken and flawed people under reconstruction. Even a short time spent in self-examination reveals that our intentions are seldom totally pure. It's then that our expertise in disguising our real ambition kicks in, often clothed in high-sounding and creative spiritual language.'
Without coming to a clear grasp that I can do NOTHING to become more 'Christian' and that it is solely through grace that I am all I am, my life will be hindered by fleshy toil leading to empty striving and totally missing out on God.
Learning how to intercede for people and pray for the world as I read more of the news. Man..it's just clicks away, got no excuse!
I just read something which sums up an area in my heart over the past weeks.
From 'Learning at the crossroads' from Neil Hood.
'Ambition is not the problem, but what fuels it and directs it can be. Sorting out the complexitiy of our motives is not easy because of the presence of sin. At best we are broken and flawed people under reconstruction. Even a short time spent in self-examination reveals that our intentions are seldom totally pure. It's then that our expertise in disguising our real ambition kicks in, often clothed in high-sounding and creative spiritual language.'
Without coming to a clear grasp that I can do NOTHING to become more 'Christian' and that it is solely through grace that I am all I am, my life will be hindered by fleshy toil leading to empty striving and totally missing out on God.
Learning how to intercede for people and pray for the world as I read more of the news. Man..it's just clicks away, got no excuse!
Friday, 11 January 2008
Creative evangelism
A recap of the opportunities I had to plant seeds through my time in Singapore. I realise with a little extra effort, evangelism can be made more relevant and interesting.
1) Morning of Christmas Day at MacRitchie reservoir. Was waiting for a friend while I saw two guys fishing. I asked them ,'Do you know that there is someone out there who is fishing for you?' and 'Have you heard of the phrase fishers of men in the bible?' Got to share with them about sin and the cross.
It turned out one of them is from St. Patricks sec school and so he has been exposed to Christianity since young. I reminded him that God is in pursuit of them. He was listening sincerely but it all ended quite abruptly because my friend arrived. I can but pray for him now.
2) Visit to the dentist, a young singaporean guy called Kenny. Got talking straight away as he was heading to germany and france soon so we were talking about the weather and of course, the condition of my teeth (which he was happy about :)). Didn't get to talk with him directly as he had to see the next patient almost immediately. However, I dropped him a thank you card in which I asked him, 'Do you know there is something in this world which resembles plague on teeth?'. Talked about how it keeps coming back despite our best efforts to clean it and how our sin can only throughly be cleansed by the Jesus' blood shed on the cross.
3) Hairdresser, a young malaysian lady called celine. My mum was with me so we were chatting about my studies in UK, etc. Managed to get them to laugh abit, saying how people do walk in UK while most people run about in Singapore. I asked her whether she thinks it is possible that there is someone who knows the exact number of hairs on her hair. She smiled and said no. I told her about how personal God is, how he cares for us and knows us intimately. Brief sharing.
All these were brief encounters and there were no visible signs of whether any difference were made, but I pray that seeds were planted and God would continue to reach out to them. But I realise that it's not difficult to try to relate God to the people whom we want to reach out to. Hopefully whenever the guy fishes, Kenny cleans the plague on someone else's teeth or Celine cuts another person's hair, they would all remember that God's eye is on them.
There were also occassions where I was wrestling to open my mouth. I.e. a electricity who came to service the meter, wanted to ask them whether he knows about the 'true source of energy in our lives'?. Also, the gas man who had the words printed on the back of his shirt 'Warming hearts in the city'. Can easily pop a question, 'Have you ever felt your heart truly warmed?', etc.
At the end of the day, it's obedience that God truly seeks. I can speak to a thousand people but continue to habour wicked thoughts. Let us be a repentant and obedient people :)
1) Morning of Christmas Day at MacRitchie reservoir. Was waiting for a friend while I saw two guys fishing. I asked them ,'Do you know that there is someone out there who is fishing for you?' and 'Have you heard of the phrase fishers of men in the bible?' Got to share with them about sin and the cross.
It turned out one of them is from St. Patricks sec school and so he has been exposed to Christianity since young. I reminded him that God is in pursuit of them. He was listening sincerely but it all ended quite abruptly because my friend arrived. I can but pray for him now.
2) Visit to the dentist, a young singaporean guy called Kenny. Got talking straight away as he was heading to germany and france soon so we were talking about the weather and of course, the condition of my teeth (which he was happy about :)). Didn't get to talk with him directly as he had to see the next patient almost immediately. However, I dropped him a thank you card in which I asked him, 'Do you know there is something in this world which resembles plague on teeth?'. Talked about how it keeps coming back despite our best efforts to clean it and how our sin can only throughly be cleansed by the Jesus' blood shed on the cross.
3) Hairdresser, a young malaysian lady called celine. My mum was with me so we were chatting about my studies in UK, etc. Managed to get them to laugh abit, saying how people do walk in UK while most people run about in Singapore. I asked her whether she thinks it is possible that there is someone who knows the exact number of hairs on her hair. She smiled and said no. I told her about how personal God is, how he cares for us and knows us intimately. Brief sharing.
All these were brief encounters and there were no visible signs of whether any difference were made, but I pray that seeds were planted and God would continue to reach out to them. But I realise that it's not difficult to try to relate God to the people whom we want to reach out to. Hopefully whenever the guy fishes, Kenny cleans the plague on someone else's teeth or Celine cuts another person's hair, they would all remember that God's eye is on them.
There were also occassions where I was wrestling to open my mouth. I.e. a electricity who came to service the meter, wanted to ask them whether he knows about the 'true source of energy in our lives'?. Also, the gas man who had the words printed on the back of his shirt 'Warming hearts in the city'. Can easily pop a question, 'Have you ever felt your heart truly warmed?', etc.
At the end of the day, it's obedience that God truly seeks. I can speak to a thousand people but continue to habour wicked thoughts. Let us be a repentant and obedient people :)
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
Is my sacrifice living?
Taken from daily devotions, 'My utmost for his highest' by Oswald chambers.
Jan 8
'Abraham built an altar...; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar...' - Gen 22:9
This event is a picture of the mistake we make in thinking that the ultimate God wants of us is the sacrifice of death. What God wants is the sacrifice through death which enables us to do what Jesus did, that is, sacrifice our lives. Not-"Lord, I am ready to go with You...to death" (Luke 22:33). But-"I am willing to be identified with your death so that I may sacrifice my life to God."
We seem to think that God wants us to give up things! God purified Abraham from this error, and the same process is at work in our lives. God never tells us to give up things just for the sake of giving them up, but He tells us to give them up for the sake of the only thing worth having, namely, life with Himself. It is a matter of loosening the bands that hold back our lives. Those bands are loosened immediately by identification with the death of jesus. Then we enter into a relationship with God whereby we may sacrifice our lives to Him.
It is of no value to God to give Him your life for death. He wants you to be a 'living sacrifice'-to let Him have all your strengths that have been saved and sanctified through Jesus (Rm 12:1). This is what is acceptable to God.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
So often, my mindset is what I can do for God. But God demands obedience (Jeh 7:22-23) and a contrite heart (Psa 51:15-17). I do not feel entirely comfortable with luxuries of life and if I one day have wealth, I feel that I must give it away. From reading this devotion, I realise that I may have been habouring a wrong attitude. It's not so much about the sacrifice, but more about being a 'living sacrifice'. That means that it's more pleasing to God to not follow the evil imaginations of my heart (obedience) than to give up an entire fortune (sacrifice).
Am more and more convinced that God listens to the whispers of our heart. Just recently, I was wondering whether I would be able to see a cleaning lady whom I met when I first came back. Lo and behold, today while leaving for lunch with my parents, there she was. She was pleasantly surprised when I recognised her and she held on to my hand with a warm affection. Praise God.
Jan 8
'Abraham built an altar...; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar...' - Gen 22:9
This event is a picture of the mistake we make in thinking that the ultimate God wants of us is the sacrifice of death. What God wants is the sacrifice through death which enables us to do what Jesus did, that is, sacrifice our lives. Not-"Lord, I am ready to go with You...to death" (Luke 22:33). But-"I am willing to be identified with your death so that I may sacrifice my life to God."
We seem to think that God wants us to give up things! God purified Abraham from this error, and the same process is at work in our lives. God never tells us to give up things just for the sake of giving them up, but He tells us to give them up for the sake of the only thing worth having, namely, life with Himself. It is a matter of loosening the bands that hold back our lives. Those bands are loosened immediately by identification with the death of jesus. Then we enter into a relationship with God whereby we may sacrifice our lives to Him.
It is of no value to God to give Him your life for death. He wants you to be a 'living sacrifice'-to let Him have all your strengths that have been saved and sanctified through Jesus (Rm 12:1). This is what is acceptable to God.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
So often, my mindset is what I can do for God. But God demands obedience (Jeh 7:22-23) and a contrite heart (Psa 51:15-17). I do not feel entirely comfortable with luxuries of life and if I one day have wealth, I feel that I must give it away. From reading this devotion, I realise that I may have been habouring a wrong attitude. It's not so much about the sacrifice, but more about being a 'living sacrifice'. That means that it's more pleasing to God to not follow the evil imaginations of my heart (obedience) than to give up an entire fortune (sacrifice).
Am more and more convinced that God listens to the whispers of our heart. Just recently, I was wondering whether I would be able to see a cleaning lady whom I met when I first came back. Lo and behold, today while leaving for lunch with my parents, there she was. She was pleasantly surprised when I recognised her and she held on to my hand with a warm affection. Praise God.
Sunday, 6 January 2008
Random reflections
5 more days left in Singapore...*GROANS* I have not touched my research at all! Wanted to complete a chapter in Singapore. My thesis has been crying out to me, but not too long after I would either spend time with parents, out with friends or rather read. No regrets though :)
For the first time during church today, I felt a kind of dissatisfaction. Singapore churches are generally very well decorated and equipped. A friend commented today, 'Something seems to be lost in the midst of the shine'. Perhaps it's related to my feelings as well. As I saw hundreds gather and worshiping God, I desired more. Worshiping God in His presense is wonderful and Psa 23 says He is all we need. However, I can keep coming to church on sunday (or even attend BS/fellowship on a weekday) and my friends who have mindsets which go against the truth would remain stuck and lost. It makes sense how one can have the impression that Christianity feels commercial. I hope this is not me trying to be legalistic or wanting to do things in my own strength according to my own plans. With all things it's a balance lah. I can only share with others what I have grasp myself and time spent on 'Christian' activities helps me in that.
New year resolutions? Didn't really intentionally come up with any list, but things in my heart now are 1)Plunging into God's word 2)Improve mandarin 3)Read up on current affairs daily
Plunge is a strong word. At the night safari, I saw this patient 'mini-leopard' strolling by the water, looking intensly into it. Occassionally, it would pick up its paw and make little strikes at the water, as if it was about to feed on a prey. I was standing there waiting for it to plunge into the water, but it continued it's seemingly meaningless routine. To plunge is to dive in completely, leaving none of myself and not simply to test water.
Had lunch with Pheng Aun's cell group today. Was blessed by the brief encounter-felt loved and accepted. A guy named Paul was going to Saudi Arabia for work attachment, wow! Gotta pray that he would stand firm in his faith and discover God's plan for him there. I managed to remember everyone's name-a great feat for me!
For the first time during church today, I felt a kind of dissatisfaction. Singapore churches are generally very well decorated and equipped. A friend commented today, 'Something seems to be lost in the midst of the shine'. Perhaps it's related to my feelings as well. As I saw hundreds gather and worshiping God, I desired more. Worshiping God in His presense is wonderful and Psa 23 says He is all we need. However, I can keep coming to church on sunday (or even attend BS/fellowship on a weekday) and my friends who have mindsets which go against the truth would remain stuck and lost. It makes sense how one can have the impression that Christianity feels commercial. I hope this is not me trying to be legalistic or wanting to do things in my own strength according to my own plans. With all things it's a balance lah. I can only share with others what I have grasp myself and time spent on 'Christian' activities helps me in that.
New year resolutions? Didn't really intentionally come up with any list, but things in my heart now are 1)Plunging into God's word 2)Improve mandarin 3)Read up on current affairs daily
Plunge is a strong word. At the night safari, I saw this patient 'mini-leopard' strolling by the water, looking intensly into it. Occassionally, it would pick up its paw and make little strikes at the water, as if it was about to feed on a prey. I was standing there waiting for it to plunge into the water, but it continued it's seemingly meaningless routine. To plunge is to dive in completely, leaving none of myself and not simply to test water.
Had lunch with Pheng Aun's cell group today. Was blessed by the brief encounter-felt loved and accepted. A guy named Paul was going to Saudi Arabia for work attachment, wow! Gotta pray that he would stand firm in his faith and discover God's plan for him there. I managed to remember everyone's name-a great feat for me!
Thursday, 3 January 2008
Night safari and supper marathon
Joined Meiyin and Charis in a tour of the night safari. It's Charis first time in Singapore and she is spending a few days with Meiyin. I also felt like a tourist in Singapore as it was my first time in the safari. Was a very pleasant night and it's something different from how I usually spend my time back home. I thoroughly enjoyed the peaceful nightwalk through the park. The weather was cool and it's an escape from the concrete jungle of singapore. (HINT:It's a fantastic place for a date!!) Some areas where creepy, I remember a path just beside a pool where it seemed to be the same pool in which we just saw some crocodiles in. There were some smoke also. Maybe it was intentional! Ok...test of my memory to see what animals I saw: Leopard, tiger, spotted and stripped hyenas, lion, ottar, bats, flying squirrels, fishing cat, porcupine, wolfs, strange looking pigs (definately not the char siew ones), hippo... Was interesting how we were waiting for a porcupine to erect it's spines and we didn't need to wait long :) I was reminded that God was with us and God is awesome, hearing even our little desires. Ok..the most awesome bit of the night? It's the experience with the leopards. Was at this viewing gallery with a glass panel seperating people from the animals. At one point the leopards came right up to the glass panel and one sat down while the other was pacing around. I bent down and got as close to them as possible. As the leopard paced literally inches away from my face, I felt this sense of awesome reverent fear. Man..that must have been the moment of the night! It gave me a physical experience of how I am to be in reverent fear of God. Without the glass, the leopard could have easily killed me with a lash or a bite. God, on the other hand, with infinitely more power, is also a gentle and merciful God. He didn't choose to lash out at the world with his power, but sent His son as a saviour and is patient, not wanting anyone to perish but all to be saved. Meiyin was also eager to hear the roar of the lion which I believe would give the same feeling.
After the safari, we brought Charis around to jalan kayu for roti pata and geylang for soya bean. An intended drive along Benjamin shears bridge turned out to be a mini-disaster due to my 'half-bucket full' of the roads in Singapore. It's quite scary because this reflects the way I live my life at times, not being sure of a destination and not having a campus. Well, I had the street directory but didn't rely on it. Gotta rely on the bible man! A little wrong turn also threw us off course quite a distance away and I had to take the CTE back down to town again.
After the food and a mini-tour of singapore, we ended up at pungol park sharing and worshipping God with half-baked guitar skills. Realise my guitar and singing skills are good enough for personal worship at the moment :p I believe God put the three of us together that night for a reason as we could all relate to the trails in our families. Thank all who made the night and morning possible!
After the safari, we brought Charis around to jalan kayu for roti pata and geylang for soya bean. An intended drive along Benjamin shears bridge turned out to be a mini-disaster due to my 'half-bucket full' of the roads in Singapore. It's quite scary because this reflects the way I live my life at times, not being sure of a destination and not having a campus. Well, I had the street directory but didn't rely on it. Gotta rely on the bible man! A little wrong turn also threw us off course quite a distance away and I had to take the CTE back down to town again.
After the food and a mini-tour of singapore, we ended up at pungol park sharing and worshipping God with half-baked guitar skills. Realise my guitar and singing skills are good enough for personal worship at the moment :p I believe God put the three of us together that night for a reason as we could all relate to the trails in our families. Thank all who made the night and morning possible!
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