It's so easy for some disciplines to slip away if I do not make the effort. I do want to continue updating this blog as a personal pilgrim and testimony to others.
Finally, I join the ranks of those with a 'Permanent Head Damage'. To be frank, I forgot that I am officially a 'Dr' now until someone jokingly calls me Dr Koh. It ended with a bang, with God showing me that this entire PhD is ALL HIM. I passed my viva with no corrections, which is really rare. Above all my time and effort devoted to my research, He has guided me all along and provided the opportunity to go to the States. God, thank you.
It was a smooth transition back to Singapore, because I have been back so often this year :p Really thankful of my relationship with my parents, and my dad as a mentor in practical aspects of my life. I believe my presence here is also a great support in the midst of the trials facing my family at the moment. Sent out a few resumes last week and I got my first rejection from Mckinsey today. Felt peace about it, simply because that means God doesn't want me to be there :)
Felt overwhelmed about the upcoming time in UK. Being the best man for a wedding, holiday with Aunts, preaching, graduation. Seeing them as 'tasks' will simply kill all the joy and fun. My prayer right now is that I would look forward to them with thanksgiving and joy to be part of these significant events.
Recently went to KL and it was great meeting up with WL, CE, DT, EL, SW, YS and mum. Spent over an hour playing games with WL and CE, something I have not done for ages, though it felt strange going to KL to play games, haha. Wanted to go-kart, but it rained and we all agreed we will do it next time! Was good to see people moving on :) Of course, everyone of us faces our own share of challenges in life, but it's God's of moulding and teaching us.
Felt disoriented throughout this day but am thankful that am picking myself up in God tonight. Blogging helps.
God, help me to put together the best man's speech, sermon and also travel arrangments. Comfort me in my loneliness. Amen.
Monday, 23 June 2008
Monday, 28 April 2008
Business mission trip to Chongqing
God has given me the opportunity to travel to China straight after I finished writing my thesis. Have been telling my friends from China that I would very much like to visit their homeland, but I didn't expect the door to open so soon, 3 days straight after I submitted my thesis! Moreover, I have expressed interest in business and this open door happens to be a rare opportunity for me to join a group of businessmen led by the minister of state for trade and industry, Lee Yi Shyan. Destination is Chongqing, the land of 3 beauties, 'Shan', 'Shui', 'Mei Nu'. I have no doubt this is a divine opportunity.
When I first read the participant booklet, I felt overwhelmed because there were many CEOs and everyone had a wealth of experience. I thank God for this leap out of my comfort zone even before I have completed my Phd. I had no idea what to expect, only remember feeling like a fish out of the water during the first day were a group of 30+ people in suits were exchanging name cards with each other. Guess it was like any other social event, except at a professional level. I felt comfortable being in a suit for a week, guess because everyone else were dressed the same. We had meetings with the government officials from different areas and they shared about their developments and discussions were aimed at facilitating Singapore businesses in China. They treated us to generous helpings of food, it's a belief that it would be shame for the host if the guests left with empty plates on the table.
This is a trip of divine appointments. I had intentions to email Grace from Nottingham to check out for churches, but didn't get around it. I eventually thought I would ask the reception at the hotel. Who knows....on sat night when dad and myself were roaming a street in search for food, we came across this humble dumpling stall. I saw a calender with a cross on the wall and asked them if they were Christians. To the praise of God, they were and gave us the address of the church they go to. It was an awesome service, a simple room with chairs, keyboard and as my eyes were looking at the people in the room, I was greatly touched by how great God is. Another is during the end of a dinner where the minister was present and as he was walking out, I felt an urge to take a video. The moment I started recording, my dad reached out his hand and made contact with the minister. They chatted for a brief moment. My heart was like 'Wah...like that also can...'.
Brought the book 'Practising the presence of God' by Brother Lawrence along. Thin book, but packed with powerful insights. It was a relevant book to read as I was actively applying throughout this trip. To be able to connect with God not just in QT but in the midst of activities and the buzz is essential. Something a brother said which is deeply rooted in my heart, 'When I am not speaking to people, I am speaking to God'. Was memorising Psa 139 also and one thing God has spoken to me clearly throughout the week is of his omni-presence, it's a comfort and a reminder that I better be obedient :)
This is getting to be a pretty long entry. Believe me, I am trying as hard to make it concise already! I will forgive you if you decide to drop out halfway...but the best is yet to come :p Ok lah...make it point form so easier to read :)
The things God opened my heart and eyes to:
1) The people in China.
My precious moments were the times in the coach where I gazed out of the window and saw waves of people in the streets. These are the multitudes and after hearing so much about China, there they are, lost sheep needing a shepherd. Needing a hope which is stored in heaven and revealed through the Word of God.
2) A heart for these business executives.
Perhaps there is a tendency to assume that wealthy businessman tend to be more 'ungodly'. Afterall, business is associated with worldly things and we may automatically assume that these people have climbed up the ladder against the wrong wall. However, we all fall short. A CEO may not necessarily be more self-centered than anyone walking in the streets. In fact, over the past week, I have seen many people helping and looking out for each other as a team. I asked a member of the team whether she came across many Christians in the business world and she said no. No doubt this is a ministry by itself. Imagine what a difference these people could make if they knew the truth about life!
I do not see myself to possess important qualities of a top level executive, particularly in the area of networking where small talk is needed. However, there are things which God has put in my life which may lead me along this path. I am praying to God that if this is one day where He wants me to be, it's through Him, because I know that by myself, I cannot do it. Someone commented that smoking/ktv is an excellent way to network with people, in my mind, I was thinking 'God will provide the divine appointments'. I have to be tactful also though. Towards the end, there was talk about doing 'sexy' business. I literally said 'No way' out loud and I must have looked very serious.
I wonder whether one day I will end up in China, haha, exciting thought. Whatever it is, I must remind myself not to rush and my first job will merely be a stepping stone. Think big, Start small, Build deep. One aspect of building deep at the moment besides God is also improving my Chinese. Again, that's one of my weak areas where I need to depend on God's strength if I were to look to China.
Thank God for this exposure over the past week. Although there wasn't any direct benefits for me, but it's a sign that God provides divine appointments and He is watching over me and you :)
When I first read the participant booklet, I felt overwhelmed because there were many CEOs and everyone had a wealth of experience. I thank God for this leap out of my comfort zone even before I have completed my Phd. I had no idea what to expect, only remember feeling like a fish out of the water during the first day were a group of 30+ people in suits were exchanging name cards with each other. Guess it was like any other social event, except at a professional level. I felt comfortable being in a suit for a week, guess because everyone else were dressed the same. We had meetings with the government officials from different areas and they shared about their developments and discussions were aimed at facilitating Singapore businesses in China. They treated us to generous helpings of food, it's a belief that it would be shame for the host if the guests left with empty plates on the table.
This is a trip of divine appointments. I had intentions to email Grace from Nottingham to check out for churches, but didn't get around it. I eventually thought I would ask the reception at the hotel. Who knows....on sat night when dad and myself were roaming a street in search for food, we came across this humble dumpling stall. I saw a calender with a cross on the wall and asked them if they were Christians. To the praise of God, they were and gave us the address of the church they go to. It was an awesome service, a simple room with chairs, keyboard and as my eyes were looking at the people in the room, I was greatly touched by how great God is. Another is during the end of a dinner where the minister was present and as he was walking out, I felt an urge to take a video. The moment I started recording, my dad reached out his hand and made contact with the minister. They chatted for a brief moment. My heart was like 'Wah...like that also can...'.
Brought the book 'Practising the presence of God' by Brother Lawrence along. Thin book, but packed with powerful insights. It was a relevant book to read as I was actively applying throughout this trip. To be able to connect with God not just in QT but in the midst of activities and the buzz is essential. Something a brother said which is deeply rooted in my heart, 'When I am not speaking to people, I am speaking to God'. Was memorising Psa 139 also and one thing God has spoken to me clearly throughout the week is of his omni-presence, it's a comfort and a reminder that I better be obedient :)
This is getting to be a pretty long entry. Believe me, I am trying as hard to make it concise already! I will forgive you if you decide to drop out halfway...but the best is yet to come :p Ok lah...make it point form so easier to read :)
The things God opened my heart and eyes to:
1) The people in China.
My precious moments were the times in the coach where I gazed out of the window and saw waves of people in the streets. These are the multitudes and after hearing so much about China, there they are, lost sheep needing a shepherd. Needing a hope which is stored in heaven and revealed through the Word of God.
2) A heart for these business executives.
Perhaps there is a tendency to assume that wealthy businessman tend to be more 'ungodly'. Afterall, business is associated with worldly things and we may automatically assume that these people have climbed up the ladder against the wrong wall. However, we all fall short. A CEO may not necessarily be more self-centered than anyone walking in the streets. In fact, over the past week, I have seen many people helping and looking out for each other as a team. I asked a member of the team whether she came across many Christians in the business world and she said no. No doubt this is a ministry by itself. Imagine what a difference these people could make if they knew the truth about life!
I do not see myself to possess important qualities of a top level executive, particularly in the area of networking where small talk is needed. However, there are things which God has put in my life which may lead me along this path. I am praying to God that if this is one day where He wants me to be, it's through Him, because I know that by myself, I cannot do it. Someone commented that smoking/ktv is an excellent way to network with people, in my mind, I was thinking 'God will provide the divine appointments'. I have to be tactful also though. Towards the end, there was talk about doing 'sexy' business. I literally said 'No way' out loud and I must have looked very serious.
I wonder whether one day I will end up in China, haha, exciting thought. Whatever it is, I must remind myself not to rush and my first job will merely be a stepping stone. Think big, Start small, Build deep. One aspect of building deep at the moment besides God is also improving my Chinese. Again, that's one of my weak areas where I need to depend on God's strength if I were to look to China.
Thank God for this exposure over the past week. Although there wasn't any direct benefits for me, but it's a sign that God provides divine appointments and He is watching over me and you :)
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
Reflections from Saul
Reading 1 Samuel and many things about Saul struck me. So often, when I think of David and Saul, I see myself as David and would never imagine myself to be like Saul. But upon reading it again, I realise how much of a Saul is there in me.
It's quite amazing how well Saul started out. Samuel annointed him, God changed his heart and turned him into another man (1 Sam 10). He even had the heart to forgive those who did not initially acknowledge his kingship. He acknowledged God in his victory. Similiar to how Israel tried to depend on past victories (1 Sam 4) but were utterly defeated by the Philistines, I cannot assume that I am alright because I see God's hand in my life. When God was displeased with Saul, Saul continued to lead Israel into victories. It's more to do with God's will than ourselves. The only victory which we can count on is the cross. It's a daily renewal of self and continual dependence upon God.
Recently was reminded by a sister, 'When I face a difficult situation, do I instinctly turn to God first or people for counsel?'. It reflects my theology. When Saul started to turn away from God, he made decisions first before the priests reminded him to inquire of God. Many times, I have made my own plans without bringing them before God first. Am not saying I should fast or pray for long hours before making every single decision, but to acknowledge Him in my heart in everything.
Saul put his self-image before obedience to God. He did not totally wipe out the Amalekites because he was afraid of the people and gave in to them (1 Sam 15:24). He even request Samuel to honor him before the elders (1 Sam 15:30). Every single day, I would find myself doing things for the eyes of others. I remember clearly in primary school when I was infatuated with a girl. I walked home everyday while her dad would pick her up and their car would pass by at a point of my journey. I often ran to that junction just so that she could spot me!
Saul thought he could justify his disobedience by taking the best of the plunder and sacrificing them to God. But God does not delight in burnt offerings as much as obedience. A valuable lesson. It's amazing to see God in the things I do whenever I take the small step of obedience and desiring to please Him instead of people.
These are valuable insights to caution me not to finish like Saul did. There are many things at the moment I want to do for God and have to remind myself that obedience is utmost.
It's quite amazing how well Saul started out. Samuel annointed him, God changed his heart and turned him into another man (1 Sam 10). He even had the heart to forgive those who did not initially acknowledge his kingship. He acknowledged God in his victory. Similiar to how Israel tried to depend on past victories (1 Sam 4) but were utterly defeated by the Philistines, I cannot assume that I am alright because I see God's hand in my life. When God was displeased with Saul, Saul continued to lead Israel into victories. It's more to do with God's will than ourselves. The only victory which we can count on is the cross. It's a daily renewal of self and continual dependence upon God.
Recently was reminded by a sister, 'When I face a difficult situation, do I instinctly turn to God first or people for counsel?'. It reflects my theology. When Saul started to turn away from God, he made decisions first before the priests reminded him to inquire of God. Many times, I have made my own plans without bringing them before God first. Am not saying I should fast or pray for long hours before making every single decision, but to acknowledge Him in my heart in everything.
Saul put his self-image before obedience to God. He did not totally wipe out the Amalekites because he was afraid of the people and gave in to them (1 Sam 15:24). He even request Samuel to honor him before the elders (1 Sam 15:30). Every single day, I would find myself doing things for the eyes of others. I remember clearly in primary school when I was infatuated with a girl. I walked home everyday while her dad would pick her up and their car would pass by at a point of my journey. I often ran to that junction just so that she could spot me!
Saul thought he could justify his disobedience by taking the best of the plunder and sacrificing them to God. But God does not delight in burnt offerings as much as obedience. A valuable lesson. It's amazing to see God in the things I do whenever I take the small step of obedience and desiring to please Him instead of people.
These are valuable insights to caution me not to finish like Saul did. There are many things at the moment I want to do for God and have to remind myself that obedience is utmost.
Monday, 31 March 2008
Power of the obedient step
I thank God for the encouragement I have received tonight. Just this afternoon, I decided to extend my stay in UK until I have submitted my thesis. I have been in a hurry to go back home. I felt peace after I made the decision. This evening,
1)Got a reply from a youth saying that they are benefiting from the previous meetings and would like to continue
2)Spoke into a brother's bgr situation over MSN, we both felt that it was something God wanted to say to him
3)A brother got back to me after I shared with him about a need for a guy mentor in the mandarin group here and asked me to set up a meeting with Grace
4)A sister whom I wanted to visit for a long time was welcoming me to see her after a holiday in Scotland
Am glad I am staying for a while more. I felt God reaffirming my decision to stay through these little encounters this evening. Looking forward to visiting Leeds and London too.
During SR's retreat, the first talk was on the power of the obedient step and seeing how God flows when we take obedient steps. I think the first small steps out of the comfort zone are often the most difficult yet most critical ones. God spoke to me about confidence and renewing of mind through the retreat. Am experiencing victory in the battlefield of the mind. Much more grounds to be conqured.
The fellowship to Cornwall was great. The group was made up of different people, but of one club, the lame club, haha. To be simply oneself and crap in front of others is something precious. Thank God for the opportunity to know more people in a fun way. Weather was great and although I visited many places before, but it was a totally different experience. I still have memories of the trip last year and it wasn't so much of the place I remembered, but the people. I realise that despite being up front and looked up to in SR, we are all very human. Also, people, especially girls need to be led.
1)Got a reply from a youth saying that they are benefiting from the previous meetings and would like to continue
2)Spoke into a brother's bgr situation over MSN, we both felt that it was something God wanted to say to him
3)A brother got back to me after I shared with him about a need for a guy mentor in the mandarin group here and asked me to set up a meeting with Grace
4)A sister whom I wanted to visit for a long time was welcoming me to see her after a holiday in Scotland
Am glad I am staying for a while more. I felt God reaffirming my decision to stay through these little encounters this evening. Looking forward to visiting Leeds and London too.
During SR's retreat, the first talk was on the power of the obedient step and seeing how God flows when we take obedient steps. I think the first small steps out of the comfort zone are often the most difficult yet most critical ones. God spoke to me about confidence and renewing of mind through the retreat. Am experiencing victory in the battlefield of the mind. Much more grounds to be conqured.
The fellowship to Cornwall was great. The group was made up of different people, but of one club, the lame club, haha. To be simply oneself and crap in front of others is something precious. Thank God for the opportunity to know more people in a fun way. Weather was great and although I visited many places before, but it was a totally different experience. I still have memories of the trip last year and it wasn't so much of the place I remembered, but the people. I realise that despite being up front and looked up to in SR, we are all very human. Also, people, especially girls need to be led.
Saturday, 8 March 2008
More concrete plans
Am thankful for the past week. Have more concrete deadlines to work towards. On Mon, I had a meeting with my supervisors with an aim of nominating an external examiner. Usually, it takes time to wait for a reply and the most uncertain factor is how long does the external examiner take to read the thesis. The latest date for my viva had to be around mid May for me to graduate in summer. During the meeting, one of my supervisors, Nick, picked up the phone and after five minutes, an examiner was nominated and he said he was available 3rd week of May for the viva and needed the thesis end of April. Wow. Everything was sorted, with a comfortable time to finish up my thesis. God is good. I am truly amazed. Interestingly, two days ago before the meeting, I decided to firm up my plans to go for SR retreat and return to Singapore after that. Initially, I was in a rush to simply return to Singapore and there would not have been enough time to properly spend time with people here, SR included. Realise that as I honour God and take active steps in making plans, God directs the way.
I continue to open my heart to God's grace this week, to rid my heart of a self sense of what's right and wrong. Putting into my heart Romans 6, to know that my old self have died and I am a new creation in Christ, to walk in the Spirit. Also Eph 1, to know of the every spiritual blessings that God has given us in the heavenly realms. Powerful stuff. Recently also been thinking about a tendency to allow my mind to drift and that could contribute to my 'blurblurness' and short memory. So making an effort to catch those wandering moments and dwell on God's word.
Watched Syrian last night and there was a special feature which was entitled 'Making a difference' as well. Watched the trailor for 'Darfur Now' also and I broke down. Is it simply emotional or something which God has placed in my heart? Was surfing through jobs in the UN and realise that many of them require advanced degrees and work experience. Maybe it's not the immediate step ahead but something I will bear in mind. Definately have more time to read the news now. I felt God prompting about working for DSO, doing research for Singapore's defense, but I am not sure where would that lead me.
I continue to open my heart to God's grace this week, to rid my heart of a self sense of what's right and wrong. Putting into my heart Romans 6, to know that my old self have died and I am a new creation in Christ, to walk in the Spirit. Also Eph 1, to know of the every spiritual blessings that God has given us in the heavenly realms. Powerful stuff. Recently also been thinking about a tendency to allow my mind to drift and that could contribute to my 'blurblurness' and short memory. So making an effort to catch those wandering moments and dwell on God's word.
Watched Syrian last night and there was a special feature which was entitled 'Making a difference' as well. Watched the trailor for 'Darfur Now' also and I broke down. Is it simply emotional or something which God has placed in my heart? Was surfing through jobs in the UN and realise that many of them require advanced degrees and work experience. Maybe it's not the immediate step ahead but something I will bear in mind. Definately have more time to read the news now. I felt God prompting about working for DSO, doing research for Singapore's defense, but I am not sure where would that lead me.
Sunday, 24 February 2008
Birmingham Chinese Evangelical Church
Just back from a weekend away in Birmingham. Stayed with Ezra, Edith and Alethia. Know a few other people there too, and was especially thankful to be able to catch up with Kenneth again. Daniel, if you're reading this, you were mentioned and thought of!
Though short, but I was truly encouraged this weekend. It's a testimony of how God answers prayers (for a mentor) and divine appointments where authentic relationships are found through just meeting a few times.
Most things are caught and not taught. Am thankful for the opportunity to be in the midst of Ezra and Edith's family, to witness how they love and live with each other and cope with Alethia's situation. Conversations with them often surround other people with a true concern and otherness. Conversations can sometimes be about commenting on others, on personal weaknesses or difficult circumstances. But it's different with Ezra and Edith. Certainly caught the spirit of looking at what's good and right instead of dwelling on what's bad. There are enough people and our ownselves (as the main culprit) in being critical and the world needs more people to say positive things.
When I saw Kenneth, was reminded of God's goodness during my time in Boston. Knowing him and spending a few days with his family was a blessing. Though I didn't keep in touch with him much after I returned to UK, but I thank God for bringing him back to my thoughts and heart today.
Amongst the many things which I learned, God spoke powerfully to me through this verse:
1 John 3:19-20
'This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.'
Beginning to renew my mind whenever I habour self-critical thoughts and am beginning to sense a breakthrough as I apply the truth that God knows everything and is greater than my heart! Repentance is about the renewing of mind. It started when Ezra shared about this issue after he prayed for me on Sat night and I continued to allow God to speak into my heart on Sunday and actively apply it.
Though short, but I was truly encouraged this weekend. It's a testimony of how God answers prayers (for a mentor) and divine appointments where authentic relationships are found through just meeting a few times.
Most things are caught and not taught. Am thankful for the opportunity to be in the midst of Ezra and Edith's family, to witness how they love and live with each other and cope with Alethia's situation. Conversations with them often surround other people with a true concern and otherness. Conversations can sometimes be about commenting on others, on personal weaknesses or difficult circumstances. But it's different with Ezra and Edith. Certainly caught the spirit of looking at what's good and right instead of dwelling on what's bad. There are enough people and our ownselves (as the main culprit) in being critical and the world needs more people to say positive things.
When I saw Kenneth, was reminded of God's goodness during my time in Boston. Knowing him and spending a few days with his family was a blessing. Though I didn't keep in touch with him much after I returned to UK, but I thank God for bringing him back to my thoughts and heart today.
Amongst the many things which I learned, God spoke powerfully to me through this verse:
1 John 3:19-20
'This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.'
Beginning to renew my mind whenever I habour self-critical thoughts and am beginning to sense a breakthrough as I apply the truth that God knows everything and is greater than my heart! Repentance is about the renewing of mind. It started when Ezra shared about this issue after he prayed for me on Sat night and I continued to allow God to speak into my heart on Sunday and actively apply it.
Monday, 18 February 2008
Update
When you run the 400m, you make a last turn before you give it your all for the last straight sprint. I feel like I am just at the last turn in my Phd. Another intensive writing for 2 weeks and I can ease off while I wait for supervisors to read and make corrections after. Current plan is to return to Singapore on 10th March.
Updated CV and saw a career advisor today who was happy with my CV. Planning to send it off to DSO soon. I believe God spoke to me about DSO, so I will apply.
When I first came back from Singapore, it was on the subject of daily obedience. Recently the subject of relying on God's strength has been in my heart. How easy it can seem to be relying on God but in actual fact we are using Him instead. Relying on Him will cast away any anxiety. To deal with sin not with mere will power from our flesh, but live in victory because I am cleansed by His word. Woke up this morning to a fresh revelation of His grace after stumbling in a repeated sin.
Yesterday, Francis gave me a word, 'Stepping stone'. What's ahead is not an end by itself but a preparation for something bigger. I am still so young! Have to learn to be patient and not try to do too much too fast. It's a mixed feeling of excitment and uncertainty which causes me to simply trust God that He has already laid out the path for me.
Be blessed.
Updated CV and saw a career advisor today who was happy with my CV. Planning to send it off to DSO soon. I believe God spoke to me about DSO, so I will apply.
When I first came back from Singapore, it was on the subject of daily obedience. Recently the subject of relying on God's strength has been in my heart. How easy it can seem to be relying on God but in actual fact we are using Him instead. Relying on Him will cast away any anxiety. To deal with sin not with mere will power from our flesh, but live in victory because I am cleansed by His word. Woke up this morning to a fresh revelation of His grace after stumbling in a repeated sin.
Yesterday, Francis gave me a word, 'Stepping stone'. What's ahead is not an end by itself but a preparation for something bigger. I am still so young! Have to learn to be patient and not try to do too much too fast. It's a mixed feeling of excitment and uncertainty which causes me to simply trust God that He has already laid out the path for me.
Be blessed.
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