People needs to be understood

It's not about right or wrong.

There was a breakthrough with a close friend during lunch today. I make efforts to spend time alone with him, but in recent months, it often do not turn out well. There is this sense of frustration. He is going through some tough times with his fiancee and her parents. I confess that I have been impatient with him many many times and it has built up over the months. Whether or not I have a good reason to be impatient does not matter. It's not about right or wrong, fact is I have been impatient with him.

As we were walking to the foodcourt for lunch today, he again shared about the frustration he has with his fiancee. After listening for a couple of minutes, I offered a suggestion. It was met with a familiar response 'You do not understand me! You think you are smarter than my parents?' In my mind, I was like 'Here we go again...' Man, we have not even bought our food yet! When giving thanks for lunch, I desperately prayed for God to intervene, to give me wisdom and patience. I realise I did not understand the situation fully before offering the suggestion. There was this part in me which wanted to jump at his blown up response to a mere suggestion. As I tried to explain things, I realise that it would get nowhere. God started to change my heart and I began to listen, not to his words, but to his pain. For an instance, I saw his suffering through God's heart.

He needed to be understood first and foremost. It doesn't matter whether his attitudes are right or wrong-that's where I believe I always failed. I often try to change him. Many times I saw his frustration as a result of things he hold so tightly to and it's been 'Mission impossible' to try to get him to let go. I have failed miserably, leading to frustration. I am now reminded that I cannot change people, only God can. Moreover, in wanting to change him according to my own definition (no matter how right I feel it is), I am claiming that I know it all and am perfect.

Love comes before rationalisation. It's a human tendancy to analyse and reason things out, but it's not always about the right/wrong attitude.

'Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.'-1 cor 13:4-7.

I really thank God for opening my heart to see this-it's a valuable lesson. It's a first step in being a friend that will make a difference. Many people are not looking for answers, but to be understood and loved.

'No matter how right I am beforehand, the moment I get angry or lose my patience, I am wrong'