It's has not been easy in the past few weeks as I am settling back home. I have been impatient and critical with my parents and brother. Also, before I got called for an interview with DSO, I felt aimless at times when I was at home lazing around and spending alot of time watching Olympics. I am one who do not like to sit around and do nothing, even if it means resting.
It's better now and I am also learning to be more patient with my parents. God is also starting to break through into my parent's lives and I pray that they will break with hinderances in their lives.
This verse came to mind as I am writing this.
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth." - Psa 46:10
Lord, in my rush to make more effective use of time, help me to be still and know you are God.
Saturday, 30 August 2008
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
A new beginning in Covenant with dawn prayers
Just two weeks after returning to Singapore, I have firmed up my decision to worship at Covenant Evangelical Free Church. I am thankful that God has confirmed my initial inclination to choose this church over the church (Grace Assembly) which my parents worship at.
First heard of this church when the senior pastor, Edmund Chan, conducted an Intentional Discipleship Making Conference in UK in Jan 2007. My first time to the church center in Bukit Panjiang was in June 2008 when I was back in Singapore for a holiday. God already started to speak to me about making Covenant my spiritual home.
When I eventually returned to Singapore for good in mid July, I knew it was time to make a firm decision. My heart was torn because part of me wanted to worship at the same church as my parents as I wanted very much for us as a family to grow together spiritually. But I felt that Covenant is a place where I can build a deep foundation. After attending the service at Covenant on 27th July, I made the firm decision to settle in Covenant and told my parents about it. I am thankful that they are open to my decision, though I sensed that they would have liked me to stay at Grace Assembly. It was during that same service where I first heard about dawn prayers, where the church would gather together every morning for an entire week from 6am to 7:30am to pray. I was excited about this excellent opportunity to seek God at a deeper level and committed myself to it. It was also an opportunity to get my messed up bio clock right.
Came monday morning and I was actually 15min early despite only a few hours of sleep. It really felt strange, going to church at 5:45am! I was reminded of a verse I read the night before, '...these I will bring to my holy mountain and give them JOY in my house of prayer..' (Isa 56:7). I smiled at the ushers with a warm smile, and the Lord gave me joy as I entered His santuary. During worship, I shifted myself to the inner seats as the place was being filled. It was only after worship where I discovered that a couple (Donn and Meihua) who came to sit beside me were people whom I just met the day before. It was nice to pray with some familiar faces. Ps Edmund Chan shared about his burden that now is the season which Covenant is to be a witnessing church. I was so thankful for that! Witnessing has always been my heartbeat. It was very precious because God was assuring me of the choice I made about Covenant. It felt somewhat strange too. Though my heart resonated with the direction the church is intentionally advancing towards, I only knew a handful of people and I felt like a little fish in a brand new ocean. The service I attended in UK only had 20-30 people average. Later on in the afternoon, I received a text from Donn saying that my prayer spoke some things about decisions he and Meihua had to make. I seldom receive such feedback about the accuracy of my prayers and so I was pondering over how did it come about. In my heart, I heard the answer, 'Holy Spirit'. In my QT that night and next morning, bible verses and thoughts were anchored on the same subject, the Holy Spirit.
Tuesday. Although Ps Tony did not explicitly speak about the Holy Spirit, but it was centered on the areas enabled and empowered by the Holy Spirit. God spoke before man spoke. Prayed with Jeremy and Soon Tiang.
Wednesday. Ps Ann spoke about God security. I was surprised because I assumed that many there would have gone through breakthrough weekend, etc. Was reminded that this is an ongoing daily victory to be claimed. I started to see the continuity in the talks and appreciated the fact that God brought the church back to personal revival and not just the outward mobilisation of the church for witnessing. Prayed with Alvin and York Foong. 30th July was also my birthday and honestly, I was looking forward to a nice breakfast with someone I am starting to know better. But I was thankful that it didn't happen because I spent the morning with God in the balancony of the new place I shifted to.
Thursday. Again, transacted with God during dawn prayers. A day of divine appointments. Helped to clean the new center in Woodlands. Arrived 5 min late and my mop and vacumn cleaner caught the attention of a few, including Ps Tony who immediately assigned me to Ps Kai and a few others to the main santuary. There, I met Sharon, who helped me with IDMC registration. Danesh had his camera with him and one of my first words to him were 'Nice camera'. I shared that I recently purchased a DSLR and he asked me if I wanted to take some photographs on Sunday, not knowing that I was already intending to ask Ps Tony if he needed any photographers for Sunday. During a break, I sat down on a table where Ps Tony introduced me to May, Shawn, Angela and Shirley, saying that they are in his cell group. When I found out that they meet around my area, I immediately asked if I could join them. It was just a few days ago where I submitted a request at connections corners to be put in a cell around Potong Pasir. So the same day when I took my first step into the new center, I was given an opportunity to serve and a CG. Gave Ps Kai a lift home as he stayed only a few minutes away from me. I was deeply touched because as I was sharing about my brother, I could sense his sincere concern as my brother is going through depression. Before dropping him off, I asked him, 'Are you going for dawn prayers tomorrow?', with an intention of wanting to give him a lift. I realised how stupid it was to ask a pastor if he's going to church.
Friday. Before picking him up, I had the impression that Ps Kai would be speaking. During the journey, he was continously asking about me and my brother. He was thinking of people to introduce me to and he mentioned Sabastian Ku. As we got out of the lift walking towards the main santuary, lo and behold, Sabastian Ku was standing right there. We sat and prayed together during the whole service and I could sense a kindled spirit with him. He was submitting his PhD thesis that day and it's not usual that I meet another Singaporean with a 'Permanent Head Damage'. As I saw Ps Kai speaking on stage, I was so amazed. His mind was entirely on me and my brother even though he was going to share that morning. That afternoon, I volunteered to help collect some nametag holders from Suntec and transport some things from the office in Bukit Merah to Woodlands. The intent was to use my dad's car, but he was delayed and so I took public transport. When I arrived at the office, Jade Wong told me that she found someone with a car. While waiting, I made a trip to the toilet and said Hi to a guy in there. I later asked for his name and when I heard, 'Jason', I was reminded of this guy whom a friend (Valarie Quay) wanted to introduce to me. The story is that both of us, me and Jason, were supposed to send Val off at Changi airport some weeks back. Jason couldn't make it then. I was thinking, 'Haha, there is no escape for those whom God wants to connect.' Thankful for the dinner with Jason also. I 'dragged' a friend (Shawn) whom I had a dinner appointment with to the Woodlands center. He had just shared that he was afraid that being a Christian would be unfilial to his mum and during dinner, Jason brought up this point too without knowing Shawn's concerns.
Sat was the commissioning service for the new center in Woodlands. It was my privilege to be part of it. While queing for Bus 901 at the interchange, this middle aged guy wearing a shirt printed 'Cleaners' was standing in front of me. I assumed he had just finished his work and was heading home. I felt led to connect with him. Found out he is from China and he was very open and loud (which made heads turn). We sat together in the bus and we continued talking about his children, UK and US. The turning question was when I asked him where he stayed and he answered saying near a new church. I jumped onto that immediately and asked him whether he would like to go to that church. Then, I knew he was a Christian! He was already keen to attend the church and I passed him a mandarin flyer which had the times printed on it. Hope to see him again. The commissioning of the new center was a defining day for me also as I responded to God with regard to a struggle I have been having. There has been a sense of purpose and freedom since I made that response. Also, there was further assurance of an inclination I had towards someone whom I felt God was leading me to since GDOP.
I meant this entry to be concise, focusing on God's providence through one week. I realise all that I have experienced flows out of decisive obedience. Had I not made the firm decision about Covenant and attend the dawn prayers, last week would have been different. I would have missed out so much, maybe even the defining response on Sat. People are surprised by my commitment and availability despite being new to the church. The people may not be familiar at this moment, but God is and as God fills the church and lives in each one of His children, that's the foundation as I continue to settle in the church. I am deeply touched by the openess and welcoming spirit that is in the church.
First heard of this church when the senior pastor, Edmund Chan, conducted an Intentional Discipleship Making Conference in UK in Jan 2007. My first time to the church center in Bukit Panjiang was in June 2008 when I was back in Singapore for a holiday. God already started to speak to me about making Covenant my spiritual home.
When I eventually returned to Singapore for good in mid July, I knew it was time to make a firm decision. My heart was torn because part of me wanted to worship at the same church as my parents as I wanted very much for us as a family to grow together spiritually. But I felt that Covenant is a place where I can build a deep foundation. After attending the service at Covenant on 27th July, I made the firm decision to settle in Covenant and told my parents about it. I am thankful that they are open to my decision, though I sensed that they would have liked me to stay at Grace Assembly. It was during that same service where I first heard about dawn prayers, where the church would gather together every morning for an entire week from 6am to 7:30am to pray. I was excited about this excellent opportunity to seek God at a deeper level and committed myself to it. It was also an opportunity to get my messed up bio clock right.
Came monday morning and I was actually 15min early despite only a few hours of sleep. It really felt strange, going to church at 5:45am! I was reminded of a verse I read the night before, '...these I will bring to my holy mountain and give them JOY in my house of prayer..' (Isa 56:7). I smiled at the ushers with a warm smile, and the Lord gave me joy as I entered His santuary. During worship, I shifted myself to the inner seats as the place was being filled. It was only after worship where I discovered that a couple (Donn and Meihua) who came to sit beside me were people whom I just met the day before. It was nice to pray with some familiar faces. Ps Edmund Chan shared about his burden that now is the season which Covenant is to be a witnessing church. I was so thankful for that! Witnessing has always been my heartbeat. It was very precious because God was assuring me of the choice I made about Covenant. It felt somewhat strange too. Though my heart resonated with the direction the church is intentionally advancing towards, I only knew a handful of people and I felt like a little fish in a brand new ocean. The service I attended in UK only had 20-30 people average. Later on in the afternoon, I received a text from Donn saying that my prayer spoke some things about decisions he and Meihua had to make. I seldom receive such feedback about the accuracy of my prayers and so I was pondering over how did it come about. In my heart, I heard the answer, 'Holy Spirit'. In my QT that night and next morning, bible verses and thoughts were anchored on the same subject, the Holy Spirit.
Tuesday. Although Ps Tony did not explicitly speak about the Holy Spirit, but it was centered on the areas enabled and empowered by the Holy Spirit. God spoke before man spoke. Prayed with Jeremy and Soon Tiang.
Wednesday. Ps Ann spoke about God security. I was surprised because I assumed that many there would have gone through breakthrough weekend, etc. Was reminded that this is an ongoing daily victory to be claimed. I started to see the continuity in the talks and appreciated the fact that God brought the church back to personal revival and not just the outward mobilisation of the church for witnessing. Prayed with Alvin and York Foong. 30th July was also my birthday and honestly, I was looking forward to a nice breakfast with someone I am starting to know better. But I was thankful that it didn't happen because I spent the morning with God in the balancony of the new place I shifted to.
Thursday. Again, transacted with God during dawn prayers. A day of divine appointments. Helped to clean the new center in Woodlands. Arrived 5 min late and my mop and vacumn cleaner caught the attention of a few, including Ps Tony who immediately assigned me to Ps Kai and a few others to the main santuary. There, I met Sharon, who helped me with IDMC registration. Danesh had his camera with him and one of my first words to him were 'Nice camera'. I shared that I recently purchased a DSLR and he asked me if I wanted to take some photographs on Sunday, not knowing that I was already intending to ask Ps Tony if he needed any photographers for Sunday. During a break, I sat down on a table where Ps Tony introduced me to May, Shawn, Angela and Shirley, saying that they are in his cell group. When I found out that they meet around my area, I immediately asked if I could join them. It was just a few days ago where I submitted a request at connections corners to be put in a cell around Potong Pasir. So the same day when I took my first step into the new center, I was given an opportunity to serve and a CG. Gave Ps Kai a lift home as he stayed only a few minutes away from me. I was deeply touched because as I was sharing about my brother, I could sense his sincere concern as my brother is going through depression. Before dropping him off, I asked him, 'Are you going for dawn prayers tomorrow?', with an intention of wanting to give him a lift. I realised how stupid it was to ask a pastor if he's going to church.
Friday. Before picking him up, I had the impression that Ps Kai would be speaking. During the journey, he was continously asking about me and my brother. He was thinking of people to introduce me to and he mentioned Sabastian Ku. As we got out of the lift walking towards the main santuary, lo and behold, Sabastian Ku was standing right there. We sat and prayed together during the whole service and I could sense a kindled spirit with him. He was submitting his PhD thesis that day and it's not usual that I meet another Singaporean with a 'Permanent Head Damage'. As I saw Ps Kai speaking on stage, I was so amazed. His mind was entirely on me and my brother even though he was going to share that morning. That afternoon, I volunteered to help collect some nametag holders from Suntec and transport some things from the office in Bukit Merah to Woodlands. The intent was to use my dad's car, but he was delayed and so I took public transport. When I arrived at the office, Jade Wong told me that she found someone with a car. While waiting, I made a trip to the toilet and said Hi to a guy in there. I later asked for his name and when I heard, 'Jason', I was reminded of this guy whom a friend (Valarie Quay) wanted to introduce to me. The story is that both of us, me and Jason, were supposed to send Val off at Changi airport some weeks back. Jason couldn't make it then. I was thinking, 'Haha, there is no escape for those whom God wants to connect.' Thankful for the dinner with Jason also. I 'dragged' a friend (Shawn) whom I had a dinner appointment with to the Woodlands center. He had just shared that he was afraid that being a Christian would be unfilial to his mum and during dinner, Jason brought up this point too without knowing Shawn's concerns.
Sat was the commissioning service for the new center in Woodlands. It was my privilege to be part of it. While queing for Bus 901 at the interchange, this middle aged guy wearing a shirt printed 'Cleaners' was standing in front of me. I assumed he had just finished his work and was heading home. I felt led to connect with him. Found out he is from China and he was very open and loud (which made heads turn). We sat together in the bus and we continued talking about his children, UK and US. The turning question was when I asked him where he stayed and he answered saying near a new church. I jumped onto that immediately and asked him whether he would like to go to that church. Then, I knew he was a Christian! He was already keen to attend the church and I passed him a mandarin flyer which had the times printed on it. Hope to see him again. The commissioning of the new center was a defining day for me also as I responded to God with regard to a struggle I have been having. There has been a sense of purpose and freedom since I made that response. Also, there was further assurance of an inclination I had towards someone whom I felt God was leading me to since GDOP.
I meant this entry to be concise, focusing on God's providence through one week. I realise all that I have experienced flows out of decisive obedience. Had I not made the firm decision about Covenant and attend the dawn prayers, last week would have been different. I would have missed out so much, maybe even the defining response on Sat. People are surprised by my commitment and availability despite being new to the church. The people may not be familiar at this moment, but God is and as God fills the church and lives in each one of His children, that's the foundation as I continue to settle in the church. I am deeply touched by the openess and welcoming spirit that is in the church.
Thursday, 31 July 2008
First step into Covenant Woodlands
One advantage of 'shaking legs' at home is that I can blog more often. Also a way of journaling how God is helping me to settle down in Covenant.
The months/weeks I thought I would need to settle down in Covenant has been expedited by God (Eph 3:20). Just today alone I found a CG group and was given an opportunity to serve in the opening service for Woodlands. All these came about simply from volunteering to help in cleaning the new building.
Since the morning, I had planned to ask Ps Tony whether the church needs any photographers for Sunday. While cleaning, I was assigned to Ps Chung Kai (whom I got acquainted) and also Danesh who is a professional photographer. Told him I just bought a DSLR recently and a while later he asked if I wanted to help out this Sunday. Wasn't difficult to give him an answer as it was in my heart already.
During a drink break, I sat on a table where most people come from a CG group meeting in hougang/serangoon area. Just on sunday, I asked for a CG group near Potong Pasir area. I felt led to ask if I could join the group. Looking forward to my first meeting with them. It's amazing how just after a few days since I made the decision on Covenant, God is leading the way!
Met Sharon also, who helped me and my dad get a place in IDMC, which I am very thankful for! Gained an insight while cleaning the main doors, which had many groves in it. It takes time and effort to wipe away the dust along the groves. Similiar to spiritual cleansing, what God is doing in a believer's life. Also, the sunlight would also reveal more dust which wasn't visible before.
God is speaking to me about community. Even after a morning spent in 'cleaning fellowship', I felt lifted up. Gave cards naturally to the stall owners whom I bought noodles and fruits from.
To all my brothers and sisters in UK, hope you're getting on fine. My journey in UK has been a precious one :)
The months/weeks I thought I would need to settle down in Covenant has been expedited by God (Eph 3:20). Just today alone I found a CG group and was given an opportunity to serve in the opening service for Woodlands. All these came about simply from volunteering to help in cleaning the new building.
Since the morning, I had planned to ask Ps Tony whether the church needs any photographers for Sunday. While cleaning, I was assigned to Ps Chung Kai (whom I got acquainted) and also Danesh who is a professional photographer. Told him I just bought a DSLR recently and a while later he asked if I wanted to help out this Sunday. Wasn't difficult to give him an answer as it was in my heart already.
During a drink break, I sat on a table where most people come from a CG group meeting in hougang/serangoon area. Just on sunday, I asked for a CG group near Potong Pasir area. I felt led to ask if I could join the group. Looking forward to my first meeting with them. It's amazing how just after a few days since I made the decision on Covenant, God is leading the way!
Met Sharon also, who helped me and my dad get a place in IDMC, which I am very thankful for! Gained an insight while cleaning the main doors, which had many groves in it. It takes time and effort to wipe away the dust along the groves. Similiar to spiritual cleansing, what God is doing in a believer's life. Also, the sunlight would also reveal more dust which wasn't visible before.
God is speaking to me about community. Even after a morning spent in 'cleaning fellowship', I felt lifted up. Gave cards naturally to the stall owners whom I bought noodles and fruits from.
To all my brothers and sisters in UK, hope you're getting on fine. My journey in UK has been a precious one :)
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
28th Birthday
Lord, I specially dedicate my 28th birthday morning to you. Thanking you for my past (even before I knew you) present and future experiences, shaping and working in me to fulfill Your INTENDED purposes in me. You saved my life twice physically (more that I am unaware I am sure) and there was an exchange on the cross where you have given me an ETERNAL abundant life through my faith in You.
After dawn prayers this morning, I thought of pampering myself to some nice breakfast by some nice scenary and spend time with God. Flipped open the street directory and saw the Zoo, but unfortunately it requires entry admission. Thought of East coast park, but it was too far. There wasn't much of a choice and I wasn't familiar with the West so I decided to head back to my new home. Spent the morning instead up in the balcony (it's a penthouse) spending time with God and catching up with some sleep. Come to think of it, it's my first morning in a new house spending time with God on my birthday. Wow...what a way to move in! Initially our family was thinking of moving to another place, but we believe that God led us to this place instead. It's a more spacious and humble place to stay. Brother decided not to stay with us, but my Dad has a strong feeling that he will come back soon. I have the same impression :)
A photograph overlooking the balcony. What an ideal place to pray for the country!
Ps Ann spoke about security. Being set free so we can help set others free. Insecurity is something which I face in my life. Ps Ann said that everyone faces it, it's only a question of degree. I can trace many issues I struggle with back to insecurity. The need to compare myself with others, even spiritually, boils back to my identity in Christ. In my relationship with others, I can interact best when I feel secure about myself. On the contrary, insecurity would led me to bother excessively about their opinions of me. Even in my seemingly good intentions and efforts to build bridges with people, it can be a form of security. When facing the difficult side of singlehood, I have to beware of not taking the easy way out of finding acceptance and significance through a relationship. In my struggle with my sexuality, I do not want to seek comfort through ways which are not intended to be. I am SECURE IN CHRIST, nothing can change that, irregardless of how I feel or embarassing the situation is.
Looking forward to Japanese buffet tonight with family. Lord, give me the sensitivity and courage to initiate the family to seek You together today.
After dawn prayers this morning, I thought of pampering myself to some nice breakfast by some nice scenary and spend time with God. Flipped open the street directory and saw the Zoo, but unfortunately it requires entry admission. Thought of East coast park, but it was too far. There wasn't much of a choice and I wasn't familiar with the West so I decided to head back to my new home. Spent the morning instead up in the balcony (it's a penthouse) spending time with God and catching up with some sleep. Come to think of it, it's my first morning in a new house spending time with God on my birthday. Wow...what a way to move in! Initially our family was thinking of moving to another place, but we believe that God led us to this place instead. It's a more spacious and humble place to stay. Brother decided not to stay with us, but my Dad has a strong feeling that he will come back soon. I have the same impression :)
A photograph overlooking the balcony. What an ideal place to pray for the country!
Ps Ann spoke about security. Being set free so we can help set others free. Insecurity is something which I face in my life. Ps Ann said that everyone faces it, it's only a question of degree. I can trace many issues I struggle with back to insecurity. The need to compare myself with others, even spiritually, boils back to my identity in Christ. In my relationship with others, I can interact best when I feel secure about myself. On the contrary, insecurity would led me to bother excessively about their opinions of me. Even in my seemingly good intentions and efforts to build bridges with people, it can be a form of security. When facing the difficult side of singlehood, I have to beware of not taking the easy way out of finding acceptance and significance through a relationship. In my struggle with my sexuality, I do not want to seek comfort through ways which are not intended to be. I am SECURE IN CHRIST, nothing can change that, irregardless of how I feel or embarassing the situation is.
Looking forward to Japanese buffet tonight with family. Lord, give me the sensitivity and courage to initiate the family to seek You together today.
Monday, 28 July 2008
Firm decision on Covenant Evangelical Free Church
As I settle back in Singapore, the only two churches which I have considered so far are Grace Assembly which my parents are attending and Covenant Evangelical Free Church. I told my parents last night firmly that I have decided to go to CEFC. Initially I thought I would legitimately 'church-hop' for a couple of months as I settle back in Singapore. However, I am convicted of CEFC's emphasis on the Word and discipleship making.
Just these two days alone, I can see God's hand upon this church. He provided in abundance for the new Woodlands center and also granted TOP just a week before the date they have announced they are moving in (in faith). What amazes me isn't so much the 27 million that God provided, it's the timing. Imagine...He provided all of that just at the very last moment when it's all needed. I have had several cases in my life where I see His guidance and providence at the very end. It's nerve rattling during the waiting process, but this is how He builds faith up! Thank God for the trust and sensitivity of the leadership in CEFC.
Attended my first dawn prayer this morning. God brought the words about bringing joy into His house of prayer as I stepped into the church. It was a service which reaffirmed my decision about CEFC. Ps Edmund shared about the burden God is now placing on his heart, which is that CEFC will be a witnessing church, from the local neighbourhood to worldwide. It's the same heartbeat God has given me. What better place to start my spiritual journey in Singapore! It's not just a reminder to evangelise, but intentional for the next 3 months as a start and believing for visible results.
Yesterday's service was good too. God spoke to me about my inability to fully love him because of sin in my life. The sermon was 2 Cor 7:1 and talked about that which we must remove. It was a breakthrough and God reminded me He would strengthen me as I obey Him in the area of sexual temptations. 2 Cor 16:9, He'll strenghten those whose hearts are FULLY committed to Him. Also, got to know Alvin, En Qi, Ryan, Meihua and Donn briefly during lunch. Sat beside Donn and Meihua during the dawn prayer and I thank God for answering my prayer for divine appointments in CEFC.
Realise some things I take for granted that God would do and perhaps do not feel the need to pray about it. Gotta be careful about my self-deceiving heart. Wanna go back to my books on prayers...
Looking forward to moving to the new house too.
Just these two days alone, I can see God's hand upon this church. He provided in abundance for the new Woodlands center and also granted TOP just a week before the date they have announced they are moving in (in faith). What amazes me isn't so much the 27 million that God provided, it's the timing. Imagine...He provided all of that just at the very last moment when it's all needed. I have had several cases in my life where I see His guidance and providence at the very end. It's nerve rattling during the waiting process, but this is how He builds faith up! Thank God for the trust and sensitivity of the leadership in CEFC.
Attended my first dawn prayer this morning. God brought the words about bringing joy into His house of prayer as I stepped into the church. It was a service which reaffirmed my decision about CEFC. Ps Edmund shared about the burden God is now placing on his heart, which is that CEFC will be a witnessing church, from the local neighbourhood to worldwide. It's the same heartbeat God has given me. What better place to start my spiritual journey in Singapore! It's not just a reminder to evangelise, but intentional for the next 3 months as a start and believing for visible results.
Yesterday's service was good too. God spoke to me about my inability to fully love him because of sin in my life. The sermon was 2 Cor 7:1 and talked about that which we must remove. It was a breakthrough and God reminded me He would strengthen me as I obey Him in the area of sexual temptations. 2 Cor 16:9, He'll strenghten those whose hearts are FULLY committed to Him. Also, got to know Alvin, En Qi, Ryan, Meihua and Donn briefly during lunch. Sat beside Donn and Meihua during the dawn prayer and I thank God for answering my prayer for divine appointments in CEFC.
Realise some things I take for granted that God would do and perhaps do not feel the need to pray about it. Gotta be careful about my self-deceiving heart. Wanna go back to my books on prayers...
Looking forward to moving to the new house too.
Saturday, 19 July 2008
Graduated!
Thank God there is no permanent head damage :)
It was a proud moment between me and God as I walked along the stage during the graduation ceremony. At the end of it all, I told my parents and aunts, 'The show is over'. The actual substance of the entire PhD is in the journey itself over the past 3+ years, I dedicated the graduation (with all its glamour) to God and rejoiced in it. Had fun wearing the gown. It brought a laugh on the faces of my parents and aunts. It felt like a dress and I danced around in it to amuse my friends. Was abit impatient with my mum for abit because of her fuss over the need for all the professional photographs, buying the video, etc. My dad also 'graduated' with a PhD in a matter of seconds as I put the gown on him, that was fun! My lovely aunt became my photographer for the day, thanks Aunt for all the effort :) I put alot of gel on that day and my friend saw the vain side of me as I was styling my hair again just before I went on stage. The last speech during the ceremony was especially good as it talked about giving a honest evaluation to managment and finding a job which you enjoy doing.
The two weeks leading up to the ceremony was fruitful. Started with Mark and Huifen's wedding. Felt bad about the lack of effort in organising Mark's stag night, fortunately it turned out to be pretty smooth as we had dinner at Nosh and went to a pub for a drink. The wedding itself was tiring. Headed to Mark's house at 6am to help him dress up. I admire the couple for making most of the arrangments themselves. It is NOT easy at all. Similiar to graduation, weddings are primarily meant for family and friends. There were 4 bestman speeches and i enjoyed giving mine. The content was from my heart. The loving atmosphere and people's laughter made all the difference. It hasn't been an easy journey with Mark and Huifen, but definately one with valuable lessons and I am sure God has His purposes for it all.
Travelled to Scotland (Loch Lomond, Oban, Isle of Mull, Iona, Edinburgh) with aunts. Thank God for He made so many fantastic arrangments, big and small, from accommodation to the weather. Highlight of the trip was Iona and my aunts thoroughly enjoyed it, it's a small island well suited for retreats. The hostel was the cleanest and most peaceful I ever stayed in and we attended a 9pm service at the Iona abbey. Drove around in a Golf, one of the cars which I was tempted to spurge on but exercised self control when I moved to Mark's house. The fruits of reward after exercising self control is great! Was rewarded again when my aunts bought me a Harrods shotglass at the end of the trip when I previously decided to save money on my endless spending on shotglasses. Got to understand my aunts more and more aware of the generational and gender differences, for example, being more careful about things and not taking things for granted. The background they grew up in is way different from mine, times were much harder.
Another highlight of the trip was climbing Ben Nevis. It was a humbling experience as I nearly thought I couldn't get to the top. On the way down, my knees hurt and I walked almost each step with pain. God tested me about my weakness for girls from the start and I am glad I focused on Him instead. It was a spiritual journey and I meditated around the verse He gave me for my viva, Psa 121, 'I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from. It comes from God, the maker of heaven and earth'. Literally, it was a dependence on Him on the way up and down considering my physical limitations. The long walk took close to 10 hours and I was glad to be back at Distillery cottage to assure my worried aunts and enjoy a nice home cooked dinner!
My sermon at the chinese church was perhaps the least prepared in terms of the script because I didn't have much time to go thorough it. It turned out to be another valuable lesson as I know that people's responses were due to God and not a well memorised speech. I spoke with a real conviction I had about God's Word and my prayer was that people would have the same conviction. I was touched by the get-together at a restaurant pub after church. I realise more about the impact I had made and I thank God for it.
I leave Nottingham with this in mind, knowing that I have left lasting impressions. Though I am largely unaware of how and what impressions I have made, I remind myself that that is not the focus. That's simply God working His purposes through me for His Kingdom. I pray that I would not be someone who would backslide after a real experience with God and having tasted His guidance and blessings. The working life in front of me will be a test. I also want to make the effort to remain in contact with people and continue to be a living testimony. It's time for a new chapter in Singapore.
This last photograph is the reason why I believe all the effort, time and money spend on my last trip to UK was worthwhile.
It was a proud moment between me and God as I walked along the stage during the graduation ceremony. At the end of it all, I told my parents and aunts, 'The show is over'. The actual substance of the entire PhD is in the journey itself over the past 3+ years, I dedicated the graduation (with all its glamour) to God and rejoiced in it. Had fun wearing the gown. It brought a laugh on the faces of my parents and aunts. It felt like a dress and I danced around in it to amuse my friends. Was abit impatient with my mum for abit because of her fuss over the need for all the professional photographs, buying the video, etc. My dad also 'graduated' with a PhD in a matter of seconds as I put the gown on him, that was fun! My lovely aunt became my photographer for the day, thanks Aunt for all the effort :) I put alot of gel on that day and my friend saw the vain side of me as I was styling my hair again just before I went on stage. The last speech during the ceremony was especially good as it talked about giving a honest evaluation to managment and finding a job which you enjoy doing.
The two weeks leading up to the ceremony was fruitful. Started with Mark and Huifen's wedding. Felt bad about the lack of effort in organising Mark's stag night, fortunately it turned out to be pretty smooth as we had dinner at Nosh and went to a pub for a drink. The wedding itself was tiring. Headed to Mark's house at 6am to help him dress up. I admire the couple for making most of the arrangments themselves. It is NOT easy at all. Similiar to graduation, weddings are primarily meant for family and friends. There were 4 bestman speeches and i enjoyed giving mine. The content was from my heart. The loving atmosphere and people's laughter made all the difference. It hasn't been an easy journey with Mark and Huifen, but definately one with valuable lessons and I am sure God has His purposes for it all.
Travelled to Scotland (Loch Lomond, Oban, Isle of Mull, Iona, Edinburgh) with aunts. Thank God for He made so many fantastic arrangments, big and small, from accommodation to the weather. Highlight of the trip was Iona and my aunts thoroughly enjoyed it, it's a small island well suited for retreats. The hostel was the cleanest and most peaceful I ever stayed in and we attended a 9pm service at the Iona abbey. Drove around in a Golf, one of the cars which I was tempted to spurge on but exercised self control when I moved to Mark's house. The fruits of reward after exercising self control is great! Was rewarded again when my aunts bought me a Harrods shotglass at the end of the trip when I previously decided to save money on my endless spending on shotglasses. Got to understand my aunts more and more aware of the generational and gender differences, for example, being more careful about things and not taking things for granted. The background they grew up in is way different from mine, times were much harder.
Another highlight of the trip was climbing Ben Nevis. It was a humbling experience as I nearly thought I couldn't get to the top. On the way down, my knees hurt and I walked almost each step with pain. God tested me about my weakness for girls from the start and I am glad I focused on Him instead. It was a spiritual journey and I meditated around the verse He gave me for my viva, Psa 121, 'I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from. It comes from God, the maker of heaven and earth'. Literally, it was a dependence on Him on the way up and down considering my physical limitations. The long walk took close to 10 hours and I was glad to be back at Distillery cottage to assure my worried aunts and enjoy a nice home cooked dinner!
My sermon at the chinese church was perhaps the least prepared in terms of the script because I didn't have much time to go thorough it. It turned out to be another valuable lesson as I know that people's responses were due to God and not a well memorised speech. I spoke with a real conviction I had about God's Word and my prayer was that people would have the same conviction. I was touched by the get-together at a restaurant pub after church. I realise more about the impact I had made and I thank God for it.
I leave Nottingham with this in mind, knowing that I have left lasting impressions. Though I am largely unaware of how and what impressions I have made, I remind myself that that is not the focus. That's simply God working His purposes through me for His Kingdom. I pray that I would not be someone who would backslide after a real experience with God and having tasted His guidance and blessings. The working life in front of me will be a test. I also want to make the effort to remain in contact with people and continue to be a living testimony. It's time for a new chapter in Singapore.
This last photograph is the reason why I believe all the effort, time and money spend on my last trip to UK was worthwhile.
Monday, 23 June 2008
Picking me up
It's so easy for some disciplines to slip away if I do not make the effort. I do want to continue updating this blog as a personal pilgrim and testimony to others.
Finally, I join the ranks of those with a 'Permanent Head Damage'. To be frank, I forgot that I am officially a 'Dr' now until someone jokingly calls me Dr Koh. It ended with a bang, with God showing me that this entire PhD is ALL HIM. I passed my viva with no corrections, which is really rare. Above all my time and effort devoted to my research, He has guided me all along and provided the opportunity to go to the States. God, thank you.
It was a smooth transition back to Singapore, because I have been back so often this year :p Really thankful of my relationship with my parents, and my dad as a mentor in practical aspects of my life. I believe my presence here is also a great support in the midst of the trials facing my family at the moment. Sent out a few resumes last week and I got my first rejection from Mckinsey today. Felt peace about it, simply because that means God doesn't want me to be there :)
Felt overwhelmed about the upcoming time in UK. Being the best man for a wedding, holiday with Aunts, preaching, graduation. Seeing them as 'tasks' will simply kill all the joy and fun. My prayer right now is that I would look forward to them with thanksgiving and joy to be part of these significant events.
Recently went to KL and it was great meeting up with WL, CE, DT, EL, SW, YS and mum. Spent over an hour playing games with WL and CE, something I have not done for ages, though it felt strange going to KL to play games, haha. Wanted to go-kart, but it rained and we all agreed we will do it next time! Was good to see people moving on :) Of course, everyone of us faces our own share of challenges in life, but it's God's of moulding and teaching us.
Felt disoriented throughout this day but am thankful that am picking myself up in God tonight. Blogging helps.
God, help me to put together the best man's speech, sermon and also travel arrangments. Comfort me in my loneliness. Amen.
Finally, I join the ranks of those with a 'Permanent Head Damage'. To be frank, I forgot that I am officially a 'Dr' now until someone jokingly calls me Dr Koh. It ended with a bang, with God showing me that this entire PhD is ALL HIM. I passed my viva with no corrections, which is really rare. Above all my time and effort devoted to my research, He has guided me all along and provided the opportunity to go to the States. God, thank you.
It was a smooth transition back to Singapore, because I have been back so often this year :p Really thankful of my relationship with my parents, and my dad as a mentor in practical aspects of my life. I believe my presence here is also a great support in the midst of the trials facing my family at the moment. Sent out a few resumes last week and I got my first rejection from Mckinsey today. Felt peace about it, simply because that means God doesn't want me to be there :)
Felt overwhelmed about the upcoming time in UK. Being the best man for a wedding, holiday with Aunts, preaching, graduation. Seeing them as 'tasks' will simply kill all the joy and fun. My prayer right now is that I would look forward to them with thanksgiving and joy to be part of these significant events.
Recently went to KL and it was great meeting up with WL, CE, DT, EL, SW, YS and mum. Spent over an hour playing games with WL and CE, something I have not done for ages, though it felt strange going to KL to play games, haha. Wanted to go-kart, but it rained and we all agreed we will do it next time! Was good to see people moving on :) Of course, everyone of us faces our own share of challenges in life, but it's God's of moulding and teaching us.
Felt disoriented throughout this day but am thankful that am picking myself up in God tonight. Blogging helps.
God, help me to put together the best man's speech, sermon and also travel arrangments. Comfort me in my loneliness. Amen.
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