My time in Singapore continues to be fruitful in terms of maintaining the friendship between sec/JC mates and heart-to-heart sharing with parents and others. God is opening up my heart to the elderly in Singapore. Had a chat with a cleaner outside the lift and she felt self-pity that at her age, she still has to work because of the increase in the cost of living in Singapore. Also, another cleaning lady in a toilet who automatically struck up a conversation reminded me of how people can be lonely, especially in old ages.
And today, was provided the opportunitiy to be involved in distributing gift bags to the poor in Singapore (lowest few percent). They are living mostly in Kreta Ayer, Kim Seng and Bukit Merah. The place I was allocated to was literally next to where I previously lived. So...these people are given 290 every month by the government and they survive on food rations. Majority of them live alone in a single-room flat. 3-in-1, bedroom, living room, kitchen, all together. Their bed ranges from a single mattress on the floor to wooden planks. Many of them do not have a stove, only a rice cooker. They are basically surviving on bare essentials. Our task was to distribute the gift bags (with noodles, can food, rice, toothbrush) and to complete a survey about their living conditions and check if they have any urgent needs.
Do not think I have contributed or made much of a difference today. These people are very well taken care of by the Resident Committee there. The RC knows these people by name, their background and their needs. Main thing for today is opening my heart to see a side of Singapore which often fades in the material pursuit of many Singaporeans. Nothing beats personal witness of these people. Though it was a few hours, but the impressions it made upon my heart will stay and I hope they will remain.
My dad asked me about the possibilities of going back and give them more things. Material gifting, looking over their daily living are all helpful, but how can one ultimately make a difference in their lives. Even with shelter and food, many of these people remain in despair, aimless and lost. They need love. They need to know that there is hope in life beyond what they are experiencing. Hope which is found in the truth about themselves and the world, the gospel. Each life is precious and each one counts to God. Does God weep whenever one of them passes away?
Am particularly touched today by a friend's heart and no-nonscience attitude. Could see organisational skills and the ability to get things done, out from a sincere heart. It's my prayer that she would accept Christ one day and know the best way to help people. It's important to find friends with kindled hearts, a heart for people. It's something very valuable.
Lord, never let my heart be cold. Break my heart oh God for the sin in my life and for this world.
Saturday, 29 December 2007
Sunday, 23 December 2007
First 24hr back home
Today marks the second day since I came home. Been able to adjust to it well, probably because I have not been amongst the crowd yet :) Things at home are pretty much the same, except for the change of a few pieces of furniture. Was great to see my parents, although my first impression of seeing them was that they looked tired. Maybe it was the late arrival time in Singapore, but it's a reminder of what they have been through and the fact that life is difficult.
I eventually slept past 3am and woke up at 6am, unable to get back to sleep. This morning is similiar. Amazing thing is I feel so refreshed and awake! I have longed to be able to get up early and seek God in the quietness of the morning. It just makes a difference to everything. However, in the past months in UK, I have been unable to do that. Am glad I broke out of the cycle.
My grandma had a fall the day before and spent a day in the observation ward in NUH. Went to spend with time with her and aunts in the morning. It was a good time of catching up. I was encouraged by their light-heartedness. They have been through alot, each one of them with their own burdens to carry. Could see unity in my three aunts as they supported each other in a time where the extended family isn't as cohesive as before.
There was a secondary school gathering in the evening which was planned weeks ago whilst I was in UK. I thought it was appropriate to share about my experience in UK. I strongly felt God leading me to make it evangelistic and I have been praying for salvations that evening. Practising 'So you would come' by Hillsongs over the past two weeks on the guitar as to minister to people through it. God provided a nice venue and food despite the last-min preparations. Am really thankful for Meihua and Xiao ling who helped to contact everyone and accommodate last minute changes. Although 5 people could not make it in the end, but I am glad to see many familiar faces, some I have not seen for 10 years! (Elden, Meiling and Meijiao) During my testimony, I focused on two obvious signs in my life that God is real and working in me are, 'My attitude towards girls and sex' and 'My heart's desire for my life's calling/destination'. I got distracted during the sharing as some people appeared to be uinterested. I guess each time I put myself up front, it's learning more and more to focus on God, to simply be concerned for the audience of one and leave the rest of the audience to Him. I felt the time afterwards where I was singing some songs were really really bad. I had envisoned in my mind many times that people would be responsive and I thought the words spoke powerfully. However, I realise now that singing worship songs would be out of the comfort zone for them. Maybe I should have sung some Christmas songs. I actually picked 'Reason for the season', but I couldn't get the right key for that. Anyway, I trust that the lyrics spoke into their hearts.
All in all, there were no responds during the 'altar call'. The moment everything ended, I felt crushed in the sense that I didn't know whether God spoke to anyone of them. I have got over the dissapointments now and a sermon by Colin back in NCCC about praying for his father for 16 years for salvation encouraged me. It's not so much about how this one-time event went, but more about lifting them up regularly to God in prayer for our fight is against the rulers and authorities of this world. Two hearts that were certainly touched were Kelvin and his wife. They have a 6-7 month old son, smiley baby Steward, and they shared that it's their desire for him to have a religion. Their sending him to St. Hildas and have bought a place near the school. I told them that their love for their child is a glimpse of God's love for them and also the best thing they can provide for the child, especially wanting the child to come to faith is for them to know and be grounded in the truth themselves. I pray that God would bring this whole family to know Him, for Steward to be a true steward of God. It's been a good reminder that salvation belongs to God and ultimately it's about faith and obedience as compared to works in terms of ministry.
The whole day ended with a nice walk with my dad at 1am in the morning and a time of praying and sharing till 3am! One thing which was impressed upon my heart as he prayed was for God to use us as a whole family. A chord of 3 strands is not easily broken and I remember one of edmund's chan sermon, saying that it starts with the family. Family is to be placed above ministry. (1 Tim 3:4)
Man, if my remaining days in Singapore is similiar to my first 24 hrs, I would 'Peng san'! But God is amazing and it's wonderful to live for Him!
I eventually slept past 3am and woke up at 6am, unable to get back to sleep. This morning is similiar. Amazing thing is I feel so refreshed and awake! I have longed to be able to get up early and seek God in the quietness of the morning. It just makes a difference to everything. However, in the past months in UK, I have been unable to do that. Am glad I broke out of the cycle.
My grandma had a fall the day before and spent a day in the observation ward in NUH. Went to spend with time with her and aunts in the morning. It was a good time of catching up. I was encouraged by their light-heartedness. They have been through alot, each one of them with their own burdens to carry. Could see unity in my three aunts as they supported each other in a time where the extended family isn't as cohesive as before.
There was a secondary school gathering in the evening which was planned weeks ago whilst I was in UK. I thought it was appropriate to share about my experience in UK. I strongly felt God leading me to make it evangelistic and I have been praying for salvations that evening. Practising 'So you would come' by Hillsongs over the past two weeks on the guitar as to minister to people through it. God provided a nice venue and food despite the last-min preparations. Am really thankful for Meihua and Xiao ling who helped to contact everyone and accommodate last minute changes. Although 5 people could not make it in the end, but I am glad to see many familiar faces, some I have not seen for 10 years! (Elden, Meiling and Meijiao) During my testimony, I focused on two obvious signs in my life that God is real and working in me are, 'My attitude towards girls and sex' and 'My heart's desire for my life's calling/destination'. I got distracted during the sharing as some people appeared to be uinterested. I guess each time I put myself up front, it's learning more and more to focus on God, to simply be concerned for the audience of one and leave the rest of the audience to Him. I felt the time afterwards where I was singing some songs were really really bad. I had envisoned in my mind many times that people would be responsive and I thought the words spoke powerfully. However, I realise now that singing worship songs would be out of the comfort zone for them. Maybe I should have sung some Christmas songs. I actually picked 'Reason for the season', but I couldn't get the right key for that. Anyway, I trust that the lyrics spoke into their hearts.
All in all, there were no responds during the 'altar call'. The moment everything ended, I felt crushed in the sense that I didn't know whether God spoke to anyone of them. I have got over the dissapointments now and a sermon by Colin back in NCCC about praying for his father for 16 years for salvation encouraged me. It's not so much about how this one-time event went, but more about lifting them up regularly to God in prayer for our fight is against the rulers and authorities of this world. Two hearts that were certainly touched were Kelvin and his wife. They have a 6-7 month old son, smiley baby Steward, and they shared that it's their desire for him to have a religion. Their sending him to St. Hildas and have bought a place near the school. I told them that their love for their child is a glimpse of God's love for them and also the best thing they can provide for the child, especially wanting the child to come to faith is for them to know and be grounded in the truth themselves. I pray that God would bring this whole family to know Him, for Steward to be a true steward of God. It's been a good reminder that salvation belongs to God and ultimately it's about faith and obedience as compared to works in terms of ministry.
The whole day ended with a nice walk with my dad at 1am in the morning and a time of praying and sharing till 3am! One thing which was impressed upon my heart as he prayed was for God to use us as a whole family. A chord of 3 strands is not easily broken and I remember one of edmund's chan sermon, saying that it starts with the family. Family is to be placed above ministry. (1 Tim 3:4)
Man, if my remaining days in Singapore is similiar to my first 24 hrs, I would 'Peng san'! But God is amazing and it's wonderful to live for Him!
Thursday, 6 December 2007
An earthly father's love
Phew...the end of a long day. Though tired, but I wish to journal down something which I gained from God today whilst it's still fresh.
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!-Matt 7:9-11
This evening is Reason for the Season, an annual joint Christmas outreach by SR, CU and GVC. Was meant to be in the welcome team, arriving at 6pm, but ended up arriving at 8pm instead! Why???? Story goes back to sunday where I received a request from a friend in the same department. Got to know him and his family more this year and I am really appreciative of being able to share the gospel with him. I turned down his last few requests to drive to London to buy fish and celebrating his son's birthday at home because I am learning to say No and want to remain focus on my research. However, I said yes to this particular request which was to pick up his son, who is applying to go to Cambridge Uni and has had two interviews and an exam today. He told me that his son would really like to be picked up after the whole day. They stay in Louborough.
Practically speaking, it doesn't make any sense for me to drive all the way down to Cambridge just to pick up his son! But I saw it as an opportunity to spend time with him and his son in the car and deepen my relationship with them. Furthermore, I thought it would be a good opportunity to bring them to the Christmas concert if they were keen to go. Everything went fine and I enjoyed the time with my friend until I saw the jam in cambridge and we also had difficulty locating his son. My estimated time of 2 hours to travel back just in time for 6pm seemed more and more unreachable.
After we picked up his son, we probably took over half an hour just to get out of Cambridge. This is where the gist of the story comes....all the time while I was stuck in traffic, he was asking his son about the interviews and discussing the questions. I was fighting alot of thoughts in my mind. I literally felt being made used of. It felt like all he was concerned at that moment was how his son performed and didn't seem concerned about me who was getting desperate to have wings grow on my car to fly me back to Notts so I would not be late. I was reading the map and driving at the same time, trying to figure out the best way back. Was it really a wise decision to have agreed to help, and especially when the timing is so tight with the concert?
Well, I quickly re-affirmed myself and accepted the decision I made. What's more, I was beginning to see the situation in a different light. How deep the Father's love for us. How vast beyond all measure. An earthly father's love for his son was being demonstrated right there. It was impractical to drive all the way down to Cambridge, but what about a father's heart? On the way back, my friend's wife was preparing dinner for everyone and yet along the way, my friend bought KFC for his son. My heart was touched as I was reflecting over this and my critical thoughts of my friends slowly melted away. We are made in God's image and our love for our children is a faint reflection of the love our heavenly father has for us. Well, I am looking forward to the day where I personally experience this for myself. Am sure a buddy of mine can emphatise with this, haha.
As we were running late, I had the most natural excuse to persuade them to go to the concert. Afterall, I am the driver man and I was already running late. However, they were too tired and though I thought it would be a wasted opportunity, I will trust in God that He will touch them in His own way. So I decided to make a detour to send them home first.
Rob Steele, the speaker this evening, was speaking about God's love. I believe this is God speaking to me today. By the time I arrived at Beeston free church, I was already driving almost continuously for 6 hours. It was really refreshing to hear the choir and Rob's message. Was rather dissapointed by the few responses, but God definately worked through the event in His ways.
Putting the verse in context.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.-Matt 7:7-12
Am meditating upon the word 'So' in the last verse. Think there's something more than meets the eye in that. Any ideas anyone?
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!-Matt 7:9-11
This evening is Reason for the Season, an annual joint Christmas outreach by SR, CU and GVC. Was meant to be in the welcome team, arriving at 6pm, but ended up arriving at 8pm instead! Why???? Story goes back to sunday where I received a request from a friend in the same department. Got to know him and his family more this year and I am really appreciative of being able to share the gospel with him. I turned down his last few requests to drive to London to buy fish and celebrating his son's birthday at home because I am learning to say No and want to remain focus on my research. However, I said yes to this particular request which was to pick up his son, who is applying to go to Cambridge Uni and has had two interviews and an exam today. He told me that his son would really like to be picked up after the whole day. They stay in Louborough.
Practically speaking, it doesn't make any sense for me to drive all the way down to Cambridge just to pick up his son! But I saw it as an opportunity to spend time with him and his son in the car and deepen my relationship with them. Furthermore, I thought it would be a good opportunity to bring them to the Christmas concert if they were keen to go. Everything went fine and I enjoyed the time with my friend until I saw the jam in cambridge and we also had difficulty locating his son. My estimated time of 2 hours to travel back just in time for 6pm seemed more and more unreachable.
After we picked up his son, we probably took over half an hour just to get out of Cambridge. This is where the gist of the story comes....all the time while I was stuck in traffic, he was asking his son about the interviews and discussing the questions. I was fighting alot of thoughts in my mind. I literally felt being made used of. It felt like all he was concerned at that moment was how his son performed and didn't seem concerned about me who was getting desperate to have wings grow on my car to fly me back to Notts so I would not be late. I was reading the map and driving at the same time, trying to figure out the best way back. Was it really a wise decision to have agreed to help, and especially when the timing is so tight with the concert?
Well, I quickly re-affirmed myself and accepted the decision I made. What's more, I was beginning to see the situation in a different light. How deep the Father's love for us. How vast beyond all measure. An earthly father's love for his son was being demonstrated right there. It was impractical to drive all the way down to Cambridge, but what about a father's heart? On the way back, my friend's wife was preparing dinner for everyone and yet along the way, my friend bought KFC for his son. My heart was touched as I was reflecting over this and my critical thoughts of my friends slowly melted away. We are made in God's image and our love for our children is a faint reflection of the love our heavenly father has for us. Well, I am looking forward to the day where I personally experience this for myself. Am sure a buddy of mine can emphatise with this, haha.
As we were running late, I had the most natural excuse to persuade them to go to the concert. Afterall, I am the driver man and I was already running late. However, they were too tired and though I thought it would be a wasted opportunity, I will trust in God that He will touch them in His own way. So I decided to make a detour to send them home first.
Rob Steele, the speaker this evening, was speaking about God's love. I believe this is God speaking to me today. By the time I arrived at Beeston free church, I was already driving almost continuously for 6 hours. It was really refreshing to hear the choir and Rob's message. Was rather dissapointed by the few responses, but God definately worked through the event in His ways.
Putting the verse in context.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.-Matt 7:7-12
Am meditating upon the word 'So' in the last verse. Think there's something more than meets the eye in that. Any ideas anyone?
Saturday, 10 November 2007
Authenticity (Hurts, Rejection)
Issue of authenticity, hurt and rejection has been an issue I am facing in my own life as well as others. One is literally crippled if he were to walk in hurt and rejection. It takes authenticity and for the spirit of God to do a spiritual excavation as I realise I have hurts and rejections which I often pass away. And ONLY through the cross can I walk in freedom and wholeness as Christ lives in me.
Have I fully embraced the sense of rejection when a girl I like tells me not to wait? I always tell myself, 'She has feelings, but now is not the right time', thus habouring hope which can be draining in the long run. Bottomline is, am I brave enough to accept a no for a no and not rationalise to prevent myself from being hurt? It's so easy to get caught in a whirlpool of own thoughts and miss out on the truth completely.
The recognition and attention I desire from others is something which is not obvious in my often expressionless exterior-but it lingers on the inside. It manfests itself in various ways when I fellowship with others, especially in large groups. The easy way out is to see myself better than everyone and simply brush my rejection aside. The hard way is to acknowledge my crippling self image and confess my need for God.
The identify I have in Christ is more valuable than anything else and if I do not view my self-worth according to my true identify, I am crippled. The tricky part is this-I may have lived out this truth many times before and truly live in God's power, but that does not necessarily mean I am living in the truth at this very moment.
It's so human to face hurts and rejections. I guess everyone faces it, but to different degrees. Being the critical me, perhaps I face it more than others. But comparison isn't the point. God's grace and love seem the sweetest whenever I acknowledge my pain and come before Him. He doesn't reject me. Jesus asked the Samaritian women to call her husband and come back (John 4:16). His intention wasn't to ask the women to literally bring the guy she is living with to come before Him (it didn't happen at all). He wanted the women to be honest and acknowledge her pain and shame so that He could restore her.
God comforted me through an earlier event in John 2 where Jesus drove the money changers out of the temple. In verse 20, He said 'Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.' The Jews replied 'It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and you are going to raise it in three days?'. The temple were to the Jews their way of worshipping God, years of religion and rituals. Similiar to how it took forty-six years to build that temple, often I feel my old ways are so prevalent and how can I ever be delivered from it. It's so assuring when Jesus said He will raise it in three days. He meant his body. I am in Christ and part of his body. I have been raised to new life through Jesus' resurrection and no matter how adament my old self seems, how can I live in it any longer as it is dead. Jesus took three days as compared to the old temple which took forty-six years to build.
I journey back to the cross again.
Have I fully embraced the sense of rejection when a girl I like tells me not to wait? I always tell myself, 'She has feelings, but now is not the right time', thus habouring hope which can be draining in the long run. Bottomline is, am I brave enough to accept a no for a no and not rationalise to prevent myself from being hurt? It's so easy to get caught in a whirlpool of own thoughts and miss out on the truth completely.
The recognition and attention I desire from others is something which is not obvious in my often expressionless exterior-but it lingers on the inside. It manfests itself in various ways when I fellowship with others, especially in large groups. The easy way out is to see myself better than everyone and simply brush my rejection aside. The hard way is to acknowledge my crippling self image and confess my need for God.
The identify I have in Christ is more valuable than anything else and if I do not view my self-worth according to my true identify, I am crippled. The tricky part is this-I may have lived out this truth many times before and truly live in God's power, but that does not necessarily mean I am living in the truth at this very moment.
It's so human to face hurts and rejections. I guess everyone faces it, but to different degrees. Being the critical me, perhaps I face it more than others. But comparison isn't the point. God's grace and love seem the sweetest whenever I acknowledge my pain and come before Him. He doesn't reject me. Jesus asked the Samaritian women to call her husband and come back (John 4:16). His intention wasn't to ask the women to literally bring the guy she is living with to come before Him (it didn't happen at all). He wanted the women to be honest and acknowledge her pain and shame so that He could restore her.
God comforted me through an earlier event in John 2 where Jesus drove the money changers out of the temple. In verse 20, He said 'Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.' The Jews replied 'It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and you are going to raise it in three days?'. The temple were to the Jews their way of worshipping God, years of religion and rituals. Similiar to how it took forty-six years to build that temple, often I feel my old ways are so prevalent and how can I ever be delivered from it. It's so assuring when Jesus said He will raise it in three days. He meant his body. I am in Christ and part of his body. I have been raised to new life through Jesus' resurrection and no matter how adament my old self seems, how can I live in it any longer as it is dead. Jesus took three days as compared to the old temple which took forty-six years to build.
I journey back to the cross again.
Sunday, 4 November 2007
3 Questions
1) What is going on in my life right now?
Almost everyday, I would be thinking of the experiments and thesis in my research. I am progressing, and the end is in sight but I am unsure how much longer I need. My current aim is to complete all my experiments and first draft of my thesis before I return to Singapore on 21st Dec.
It's obvious my aim is research and I am devoting time to it, however, there's alot going on as well. Been devoting alot of time building bridges with people. Some has been fruitful, others not really. I am not as involved in SR and have not been attending Barnabas for the past month.
Have been facing frustration with the way I am seeing everyone. I seem to be on a fault finding rampage. Last week there was an outing at a pub because someone has successfully passed his Phd Viva. Was really put off by coarse joking and I just found it hard to be myself and smile and hide my critical self. When the friends I have been trying hard to reach out to and brought them to talks which I thought was clear and they should at least be starting to think about Christianity remain cold, I feel dissapointed. Of course I cannot reveal my dissapointment and continue to show love and patience. Also being judgemental about hypocrisy in others when I know they are putting up a front.
Put simply, life is a frantic scramble to finish my research in the midst of seeing myself as God and helping/reaching out to almost everyone I see with a need. I feel drained when I lose sight of God in all these.
2) What is God saying to me?
My life is disorganised at the moment and it's obvious that I am trying to do too much from my own agenda and not working with God. The fact that I get frustrated is evidence that I am not doing it with the right attitude. I believe God wants me to focus and not see myself as God. To trust in Him that even though I do not reach out to someone, He can still reach out to him! A friend mentioned that things should be effortless as God works through us.
He is working through my thoughts as well. My mind can wander about pretty badly and I struggle with negative thoughts. God has been teaching me through His word on the importance of the renewal of the MIND.
3) What am I doing about it?
God often lifts me up as I get down on my knees to seek Him in Word and prayer. It's all so clear in the mornings and as I start each day. However, the moment I step into the office, the battle starts as I get distracted by the behaviour of people around me and my critical self draws me far from God. It's really about identifying the thoughts which are unhelpful and living in the victory and love of God.
To stop seeing myself as someone superior who can help everyone who looks as if they need help. To not think of someone where I am not. To humble myself before others. To not see myself as God.
To be honest with self perceived rejection and be convinced of God's love for me.
To learn how to say No.
To know what I am doing and where I am heading.
Almost everyday, I would be thinking of the experiments and thesis in my research. I am progressing, and the end is in sight but I am unsure how much longer I need. My current aim is to complete all my experiments and first draft of my thesis before I return to Singapore on 21st Dec.
It's obvious my aim is research and I am devoting time to it, however, there's alot going on as well. Been devoting alot of time building bridges with people. Some has been fruitful, others not really. I am not as involved in SR and have not been attending Barnabas for the past month.
Have been facing frustration with the way I am seeing everyone. I seem to be on a fault finding rampage. Last week there was an outing at a pub because someone has successfully passed his Phd Viva. Was really put off by coarse joking and I just found it hard to be myself and smile and hide my critical self. When the friends I have been trying hard to reach out to and brought them to talks which I thought was clear and they should at least be starting to think about Christianity remain cold, I feel dissapointed. Of course I cannot reveal my dissapointment and continue to show love and patience. Also being judgemental about hypocrisy in others when I know they are putting up a front.
Put simply, life is a frantic scramble to finish my research in the midst of seeing myself as God and helping/reaching out to almost everyone I see with a need. I feel drained when I lose sight of God in all these.
2) What is God saying to me?
My life is disorganised at the moment and it's obvious that I am trying to do too much from my own agenda and not working with God. The fact that I get frustrated is evidence that I am not doing it with the right attitude. I believe God wants me to focus and not see myself as God. To trust in Him that even though I do not reach out to someone, He can still reach out to him! A friend mentioned that things should be effortless as God works through us.
He is working through my thoughts as well. My mind can wander about pretty badly and I struggle with negative thoughts. God has been teaching me through His word on the importance of the renewal of the MIND.
3) What am I doing about it?
God often lifts me up as I get down on my knees to seek Him in Word and prayer. It's all so clear in the mornings and as I start each day. However, the moment I step into the office, the battle starts as I get distracted by the behaviour of people around me and my critical self draws me far from God. It's really about identifying the thoughts which are unhelpful and living in the victory and love of God.
To stop seeing myself as someone superior who can help everyone who looks as if they need help. To not think of someone where I am not. To humble myself before others. To not see myself as God.
To be honest with self perceived rejection and be convinced of God's love for me.
To learn how to say No.
To know what I am doing and where I am heading.
Sunday, 21 October 2007
End of mission week
Thank God for the mission week that passed. Four laymen missionaries from Boston came to Nottingham to give a series of talks in the evenings from Tue to Fri last week. The topics were very interesting, 'Which road are you on?', 'God's love', 'Is faith resonable', 'God's promise for China'. Elder He, Kathy, Elder Li and Elder Sung are very successful career-wise. Ranging from establishing two companies to a MIT graduate who is back now as a visiting lecturer, I see how worldly success can be used to glorify God. I saw how one of my friend's eyes lit up (like in the cartoons) when I mention that one speaker was from MIT. Guess to be able to capture people's interest is important too.
Attendance wasn't really very good. A reminder that reaching out to the mainland chinese is not easy, requires continual faith, patience and prayer. The sacrifices the team made in coming is evidence of God's concern and interest for the mainland chinese. It has been a fruitful trip. People gave their lives to God. Pray that these people would be faithful and powerful followers of Christ. I thank God for the people I managed to kidnap to the talks. I believe it's part of the process of sowing and believing :)
An interesting encounter was on Wed where I already successfully persuaded three people to go. 15 min before leaving the university, I was making a call to a friend when a guy whom I recently got to know walked by. His name is Matt. I cancelled the call and asked if he was keen to go to the talk that night. He said yes and even went back for the talk the following day. He turned out to be the most responsive and open amongst everyone I invited for the entire week though he wasn't in my mind since the start of the week. I thank God for this divine appointment and His ways and thoughts are above mine many many times fold.
It can be frustrating to see non-believers being so adamant on their own mindsets and ways which blinds them from seeing who God is. However, being a believer doesn't mean I do not do the same thing. God desires to work powerfully in and through me, but often I am blinded by my own assumptions and beliefs which narrows the highway to God. I pray for massive reconstructions and breaking down of barriers for a open highway in which there are no speed limits!
Attendance wasn't really very good. A reminder that reaching out to the mainland chinese is not easy, requires continual faith, patience and prayer. The sacrifices the team made in coming is evidence of God's concern and interest for the mainland chinese. It has been a fruitful trip. People gave their lives to God. Pray that these people would be faithful and powerful followers of Christ. I thank God for the people I managed to kidnap to the talks. I believe it's part of the process of sowing and believing :)
An interesting encounter was on Wed where I already successfully persuaded three people to go. 15 min before leaving the university, I was making a call to a friend when a guy whom I recently got to know walked by. His name is Matt. I cancelled the call and asked if he was keen to go to the talk that night. He said yes and even went back for the talk the following day. He turned out to be the most responsive and open amongst everyone I invited for the entire week though he wasn't in my mind since the start of the week. I thank God for this divine appointment and His ways and thoughts are above mine many many times fold.
It can be frustrating to see non-believers being so adamant on their own mindsets and ways which blinds them from seeing who God is. However, being a believer doesn't mean I do not do the same thing. God desires to work powerfully in and through me, but often I am blinded by my own assumptions and beliefs which narrows the highway to God. I pray for massive reconstructions and breaking down of barriers for a open highway in which there are no speed limits!
Sunday, 14 October 2007
Evidence of God’s guidance
I have been seeking more actively the journey beyond my Phd in prayers, thoughts and conversations. There’s always this desire in me to walk the off-beaten track. Do not think I can ever be satisfied by the job of a typical engineer. Yes, business interests are there, but I have to be careful that the motivation behind that is not financial or recognition gains. The calling worth giving up everything in my life for is not merely to be a disciple of Christ, but to preach Christ through my life. I thank God for the testimony that He has made me so far. Someone who wasn’t able to gain entry into a local university is looking forward to, by God’s grace, return to Singapore with a doctorate. Really hope to inspire and encourage others of God’s amazing ways and sense of humor! There still resides in me this sense of fear of not living up to people’s expectations after I graduate, but it’s God that I seek to please and I can but rely on His strength for the trails ahead.
During my meeting with Thorsten on Friday, I shared about my desire to be an example of a Christian layman, specifically in the field of business. It’s a very bold statement to make at the moment because I know the slightest bit about business at this very moment. He advised me to speak to other Christians who are in similar fields.
This coming week, there is a group of four missionaries from Boston, US, leading a series of talks with an aim to reach out to the students from China here. They were at the Chinese fellowship led by Grace lee last Friday and I joined them instead of SR. Elder Lee was sharing about spreading the gospel. When he was sharing about his background, I was touched and convinced that God had intended for me to be there. He has excelled in different areas and set up a company based on some technology he has developed. Right now, he has sold the company and his heart is to serve God. God has already used him to inspire and encourage me and so through my life, I pray that it would point others to Christ as well.
A random thought from a walk with David, Tony, Sue, Dawn and Wilson in the Peak District on Sat. So often when I go walking through mud, dirt and puddles of water, I am so afraid of stepping into them and always make my way around them whenever possible. Man, I spent a hundred pounds on a pair of waterproof boots especially for this purpose! My boots are going to get dirty anyway, so why be so bothered by the water and dirt? I was reminded of the armor of God. I do not need to fear the things of this world with the armor of God. I began to walk more leisurely through it all. Of course I still had to be cautious and not foolishly dive into big pools of water.
Right now, as I am finishing up this blog on a Sunday night, I have to write about yet another dinner which I am sure did not happen by chance. Recently, there is a couple, Jonathan and Chin Ling who have been attending NCCC. Chin Ling gave birth to a baby daughter, Hannah just over a month ago. She’s one of the first babies I ever carried in my arms =) She has got very adorable and big eyes which just stares right straight at you. I definitely fail the test of being able to carry a baby without her crying. Guess I will need more experience. Though I cannot fully relate to what Jon and Ling are going through, but raising a child is definitely not easy, right from the start. I thank God for tonight, for being able to spend time knowing more about a brother. A time for sharing and mutual encouragement. I realise that Jon also has interest in business and he holds a doctorate. Saw God’s hand in there providing me with friends to be able to talk about my own career. Above all, I saw Jon’s heart in wanting to serve God. That is precious and I pray that God would kindle that passion in Him and give him divine appointments to be an instrument.
Thank God for this entire weekend. Pray that God would continue to use the mission talks this week to break down barriers and bring people to faith in Him.
During my meeting with Thorsten on Friday, I shared about my desire to be an example of a Christian layman, specifically in the field of business. It’s a very bold statement to make at the moment because I know the slightest bit about business at this very moment. He advised me to speak to other Christians who are in similar fields.
This coming week, there is a group of four missionaries from Boston, US, leading a series of talks with an aim to reach out to the students from China here. They were at the Chinese fellowship led by Grace lee last Friday and I joined them instead of SR. Elder Lee was sharing about spreading the gospel. When he was sharing about his background, I was touched and convinced that God had intended for me to be there. He has excelled in different areas and set up a company based on some technology he has developed. Right now, he has sold the company and his heart is to serve God. God has already used him to inspire and encourage me and so through my life, I pray that it would point others to Christ as well.
A random thought from a walk with David, Tony, Sue, Dawn and Wilson in the Peak District on Sat. So often when I go walking through mud, dirt and puddles of water, I am so afraid of stepping into them and always make my way around them whenever possible. Man, I spent a hundred pounds on a pair of waterproof boots especially for this purpose! My boots are going to get dirty anyway, so why be so bothered by the water and dirt? I was reminded of the armor of God. I do not need to fear the things of this world with the armor of God. I began to walk more leisurely through it all. Of course I still had to be cautious and not foolishly dive into big pools of water.
Right now, as I am finishing up this blog on a Sunday night, I have to write about yet another dinner which I am sure did not happen by chance. Recently, there is a couple, Jonathan and Chin Ling who have been attending NCCC. Chin Ling gave birth to a baby daughter, Hannah just over a month ago. She’s one of the first babies I ever carried in my arms =) She has got very adorable and big eyes which just stares right straight at you. I definitely fail the test of being able to carry a baby without her crying. Guess I will need more experience. Though I cannot fully relate to what Jon and Ling are going through, but raising a child is definitely not easy, right from the start. I thank God for tonight, for being able to spend time knowing more about a brother. A time for sharing and mutual encouragement. I realise that Jon also has interest in business and he holds a doctorate. Saw God’s hand in there providing me with friends to be able to talk about my own career. Above all, I saw Jon’s heart in wanting to serve God. That is precious and I pray that God would kindle that passion in Him and give him divine appointments to be an instrument.
Thank God for this entire weekend. Pray that God would continue to use the mission talks this week to break down barriers and bring people to faith in Him.
Saturday, 6 October 2007
Wonderful Sat morning
Spent the morning and half the afternoon so far at home writing emails to people, spending time with my family here in Mark's house and writing up my thesis. Feeling really satisfied now after going full steam in my thesis for the past two hours. My head also feels very heavy now and decided to blog in taking a break and am reminded of something in the movie, 'Karate Kid'.
Haha, again, I got something to say about a movie. This one dates long long time back, the first Karate Kid movie where Daniel Son is learning karate from this old japanese man named Miyagi. During the start of the training, Miyagi said to Daniel, 'When you walk on the road, walk on the left, you're safe. Walk on the right, you're safe. Walk in the middle, 'Squashhhhhhhh' you will be squashed like a grape' It's about whole-heartedness.
Sitting on the fence is always very dangerous, you do not know where you are. God detests lukewarmness. If I commit to something, I better give it my all, if not, don't bother.
I was reminded about this as when I find myself really focused on my research, I realise the importance of single-mindedness. Previous distractions seems to fade in the background. Yes, I am sure finishing this Phd is what God wants me to focus at this moment. Woohoo :)
Haha, again, I got something to say about a movie. This one dates long long time back, the first Karate Kid movie where Daniel Son is learning karate from this old japanese man named Miyagi. During the start of the training, Miyagi said to Daniel, 'When you walk on the road, walk on the left, you're safe. Walk on the right, you're safe. Walk in the middle, 'Squashhhhhhhh' you will be squashed like a grape' It's about whole-heartedness.
Sitting on the fence is always very dangerous, you do not know where you are. God detests lukewarmness. If I commit to something, I better give it my all, if not, don't bother.
I was reminded about this as when I find myself really focused on my research, I realise the importance of single-mindedness. Previous distractions seems to fade in the background. Yes, I am sure finishing this Phd is what God wants me to focus at this moment. Woohoo :)
Monday, 1 October 2007
Congratulations Daniel
Dedicating this entry to a dear brother who has been a blessing. We have been mugging in the office for the past month especially, often till 2-3am. He just handed in his dissertation today. Will definately miss seeing this person writing dissertation/facebook/msn whenever I walk out of the office. Not to forget heart to heart sharing while enjoying wine bought from Portugal and eventually Sainsbury.
Realise that God puts different people in our lives at different seasons for different reasons. Daniel has definately opened my eyes to be more people-focused. Often it takes effort for me to love people and it's inspiring to see how he build bridges with people in the office. Will definately not see Daniel as often as before, but memories remain and definately the bond will always be there.
So bro, looking forward to attend your wedding after all our talk about girls, haha :p Anticipating how many children you are going to have also!
Realise that God puts different people in our lives at different seasons for different reasons. Daniel has definately opened my eyes to be more people-focused. Often it takes effort for me to love people and it's inspiring to see how he build bridges with people in the office. Will definately not see Daniel as often as before, but memories remain and definately the bond will always be there.
So bro, looking forward to attend your wedding after all our talk about girls, haha :p Anticipating how many children you are going to have also!
Wednesday, 26 September 2007
God's heart
While doing my experiments this evening, was listening to IDMF Talk 5 by Edmund Chan on the inner life. He used the incident of Jesus with Mary and Martha to talk about the importance of the inner disposition above activities and geography.
God broke my heart towards the end of the talk. Was reminded that all I needed to always bear in mind is God's heart for the lost. All self-defeating barriers broke down and frustrations melted away.
Have been distracted by many things, especially issues dealing with my longing for a partner. Try as hard as I might, I find it hard to fed it off. Realise the only way is to fill my heart with God's word and His heart for the lost.
As God spoke into my heart in a powerful way, breakthrough also came towards some personal judgement I have with a tough situation I faced last week.
Praise Him. He alone is sufficient.
God broke my heart towards the end of the talk. Was reminded that all I needed to always bear in mind is God's heart for the lost. All self-defeating barriers broke down and frustrations melted away.
Have been distracted by many things, especially issues dealing with my longing for a partner. Try as hard as I might, I find it hard to fed it off. Realise the only way is to fill my heart with God's word and His heart for the lost.
As God spoke into my heart in a powerful way, breakthrough also came towards some personal judgement I have with a tough situation I faced last week.
Praise Him. He alone is sufficient.
Tuesday, 18 September 2007
Shoulder subluxation before church
It's 20min before church. I left the house, just like any other sunday, preparing my heart for church. There was enough time to drive to church and find a parking space-wasn't a need to rush. As I was getting into the car, I stretched my left hand out to put my bag in the side passenger seat. That's when it all began. My left shoulder popped out of its joint. In medical terms, it's called subluxation, a partial dislocation. It first happened in my secondary school days (over 10 years ago) whilst I was playing basketball. I have had at least 10 repeated incidents since then. My case isn't serious to the extend where it needs surgery, but it remains a problem. It catches me offguard everytime it happens, and I can remember many of them clearly, because they are painful. There are some interesting ones, including one where it happened during a dancing class. Whilst practising, I suddendly went to the side of the room and held my hand against the wall high up in a desperate attempt to guide my arm back into its socket. Everyone was equally shocked and amazed. It happened once during my sleep as well-that was scary. The time where I really have to be careful is whilst in the driver seat of a car and I need to stretch backwards towards the back passenger seats.
Was in great pain after it happened in the car today. It came out at an angle which do not happen often. I relaxed as much as possible and tried to put it back, but just couldn't. I can usually put it back, usually within minutes. 10 minutes have passed, this time is much harder. In my mind, I was thinking I might have to go to the hospital to seek medical attention. It finally popped back after half an hour and I was thankful that I was still able to make it to church today. Though I missed worship today, but God revealed many insights to me in that 30min.
1) Interestingly, during my QT this morning, I thanked God for my health and body. This incident is a reminder of how blessed I am to have a functional and healthy body. It's only when I was immobolised where I could appreciate the freedom of having functional limbs.
2) The original and intended design is for my arm to rest in the socket of my shoulder. Anything beyond this design is disastarous. Lord, help me to lead my life according to how you have made me, to glorify You and to be happy with my uniqueness.
3) The car was packed just beside a huge tree outside the house. Mark has intentions to cut it in prevention of it falling. I asked myself in that 30min, what would happen if that tree suddendly falls at that time (yeah...one of those crazy thoughts), am I ready to meet God? Lord, help me to always be prepared with jars of oil with my lamp, ready to meet you when you come.
4) I prayed to God that I would be able to pop my shoulder back. I didn't know when it would happen, but it eventually did. God hears and He answers, but there may be a period of waiting. This period can sometimes be painful but we can only hang in there.
God gives us
TWO HANDS to provide practical help to the weak, oppressed and needy around us
TWO LEGS to bring the gospel out
TWO EYES to see people through His love
A MOUTH to share our testimonies and proclaim that Jesus is Lord
A MIND to be filled with His Word
A HEART to love Him and others
A BODY to take care of
and of course...our tastebuds to enjoy food :)
Be a blessing.
Was in great pain after it happened in the car today. It came out at an angle which do not happen often. I relaxed as much as possible and tried to put it back, but just couldn't. I can usually put it back, usually within minutes. 10 minutes have passed, this time is much harder. In my mind, I was thinking I might have to go to the hospital to seek medical attention. It finally popped back after half an hour and I was thankful that I was still able to make it to church today. Though I missed worship today, but God revealed many insights to me in that 30min.
1) Interestingly, during my QT this morning, I thanked God for my health and body. This incident is a reminder of how blessed I am to have a functional and healthy body. It's only when I was immobolised where I could appreciate the freedom of having functional limbs.
2) The original and intended design is for my arm to rest in the socket of my shoulder. Anything beyond this design is disastarous. Lord, help me to lead my life according to how you have made me, to glorify You and to be happy with my uniqueness.
3) The car was packed just beside a huge tree outside the house. Mark has intentions to cut it in prevention of it falling. I asked myself in that 30min, what would happen if that tree suddendly falls at that time (yeah...one of those crazy thoughts), am I ready to meet God? Lord, help me to always be prepared with jars of oil with my lamp, ready to meet you when you come.
4) I prayed to God that I would be able to pop my shoulder back. I didn't know when it would happen, but it eventually did. God hears and He answers, but there may be a period of waiting. This period can sometimes be painful but we can only hang in there.
God gives us
TWO HANDS to provide practical help to the weak, oppressed and needy around us
TWO LEGS to bring the gospel out
TWO EYES to see people through His love
A MOUTH to share our testimonies and proclaim that Jesus is Lord
A MIND to be filled with His Word
A HEART to love Him and others
A BODY to take care of
and of course...our tastebuds to enjoy food :)
Be a blessing.
Tuesday, 11 September 2007
Climbing up Snowdon
Snowdon is the highest mountain in Wales and England, standing just above 1000m. Climbed it this morning with Bernard, Tracy, Yan Shiang and her mum. Everyone did very well as it wasn't a easy climb. There were sections with continous steep ascends and we had to catch our breadth every now and then. We started our climb at 7am in the morning (second car in the carpark) and took almost 3 hours to get to the peak. The weather was excellent, though the wind and high altitudes made some part of the walk chilly. During the start of the walk, Tracy was often lagging behind with the camera in her hand. Too bad I didn't have my swimming trunks, because the lakes looked very inviting. Don't know whether there are any dangerous fishes in there though. It was good to begin early as it was only on our way down where we started bumping into people.
We left yesterday evening as the plan was to spend the night in Snowdonia and start climbing in the morning. God's hand was already upon the trip before it began. As usual, I wanted to do as much work as I could before setting off. Also wanted to change the car's radiator water which I left till the last minute. I completed the procedure of draining the water out and filling it up with coolant and water. I thought I was doing fine until I tried starting the engine and the temperature gauge was rising. I thought it takes some time for the water to go through the system and so I hurried back to my room to rush through the last part of my packing. Went back to the car after a few minutes and the temperature guage needle was at its highest, it went beyond the red warning zone! I knew that something was wrong and the car would probably not make it to Snowdonia, maybe not even out of Nottingham. After trying out some stunts, including shaking the car and trying to top up more water, the temperature would not fall. I was already late to pick up people, my packing wasn't completely done and worst of all, I may have to cancel the whole trip because of the car. Then I stopped everything for a moment and went down on my knees and pray. After praying, I didn't immediately get up, but pondered abit and cleared my mind. Then, it struck me, 'What if the water hasn't got into the system yet'. It was indeed that problem and the car survived a 330 miles roadtrip carrying 5 people.
Some reflections.
1) Prayer works! If I had continued my frantic search for solutions and not got down on my knees, I am not sure if the entire trip would have been possible.
2) The water level seemed sufficient on the top because it didn't flow through the whole system to cool the engine down. Am I internalising God's word throughout my entire mind and heart?
3) My dad said that air in the system would have prevented the water from flowing through it. Do I need to purge anything in me for God's word to dwell richly in me?
Was reading Psalm 111 in the morning and took it out to read during the walk too. Somehow I just couldn't get too far beyond this verse 2.
'Great are the works of the LORD;
they are pondered by all who delight in them.'
In the sermon this week, Colin challenged us 'Is a bird with it's beak facing skywards singing glorifying God?' I never thought whether an animal could glorify God. His answer was 'Yes, because it was doing what it was created to do'. Throughout the walk, I was reminded of this point when I saw the mountain and the sheeps. Must say God has allowed me to see more of Him through nature during this trip.
Colin added 'What if humans did what he was created to do?' Hum....good question to consider daily :)
We left yesterday evening as the plan was to spend the night in Snowdonia and start climbing in the morning. God's hand was already upon the trip before it began. As usual, I wanted to do as much work as I could before setting off. Also wanted to change the car's radiator water which I left till the last minute. I completed the procedure of draining the water out and filling it up with coolant and water. I thought I was doing fine until I tried starting the engine and the temperature gauge was rising. I thought it takes some time for the water to go through the system and so I hurried back to my room to rush through the last part of my packing. Went back to the car after a few minutes and the temperature guage needle was at its highest, it went beyond the red warning zone! I knew that something was wrong and the car would probably not make it to Snowdonia, maybe not even out of Nottingham. After trying out some stunts, including shaking the car and trying to top up more water, the temperature would not fall. I was already late to pick up people, my packing wasn't completely done and worst of all, I may have to cancel the whole trip because of the car. Then I stopped everything for a moment and went down on my knees and pray. After praying, I didn't immediately get up, but pondered abit and cleared my mind. Then, it struck me, 'What if the water hasn't got into the system yet'. It was indeed that problem and the car survived a 330 miles roadtrip carrying 5 people.
Some reflections.
1) Prayer works! If I had continued my frantic search for solutions and not got down on my knees, I am not sure if the entire trip would have been possible.
2) The water level seemed sufficient on the top because it didn't flow through the whole system to cool the engine down. Am I internalising God's word throughout my entire mind and heart?
3) My dad said that air in the system would have prevented the water from flowing through it. Do I need to purge anything in me for God's word to dwell richly in me?
Was reading Psalm 111 in the morning and took it out to read during the walk too. Somehow I just couldn't get too far beyond this verse 2.
'Great are the works of the LORD;
they are pondered by all who delight in them.'
In the sermon this week, Colin challenged us 'Is a bird with it's beak facing skywards singing glorifying God?' I never thought whether an animal could glorify God. His answer was 'Yes, because it was doing what it was created to do'. Throughout the walk, I was reminded of this point when I saw the mountain and the sheeps. Must say God has allowed me to see more of Him through nature during this trip.
Colin added 'What if humans did what he was created to do?' Hum....good question to consider daily :)
Wednesday, 29 August 2007
Restless heart
God, I have been unable to focus on my research this week. It's not because of any pressing issues I am currently facing, but it's a inner restlessness. Be the centre Lord.
In recent conversations with friends in Singapore, they all had common motivations, money being a big one. Lord, it's not up to me to preach to them about their ladder being placed on the wrong wall. Lord, I seek repentence for the pride in me in thinking I am better because I chose You and I am leading my life the right way. Lord, You chose me. Even though so many peers are building up their life, but like Saul, you can convert them anytime and whatever preparation you have put in their past will be used for your glory. Melt my heart with your love Lord, to be a genuine friend to others and thanks for that practical word of considering others better than myself.
People think life is all sorted out for me, especialy with my Phd. They do not know how I am seeking you for a direction for my future. Lord, many times I claim that this Phd is for your glory, a testimony of how a reject from NTU can return home with a doctorate. Thus Lord, help me to run the last lap with an awareness that you are there when I write my thesis and do my experiments.
'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'-Jeremiah 33:3. Thank you Lord for your reassurance.
In recent conversations with friends in Singapore, they all had common motivations, money being a big one. Lord, it's not up to me to preach to them about their ladder being placed on the wrong wall. Lord, I seek repentence for the pride in me in thinking I am better because I chose You and I am leading my life the right way. Lord, You chose me. Even though so many peers are building up their life, but like Saul, you can convert them anytime and whatever preparation you have put in their past will be used for your glory. Melt my heart with your love Lord, to be a genuine friend to others and thanks for that practical word of considering others better than myself.
People think life is all sorted out for me, especialy with my Phd. They do not know how I am seeking you for a direction for my future. Lord, many times I claim that this Phd is for your glory, a testimony of how a reject from NTU can return home with a doctorate. Thus Lord, help me to run the last lap with an awareness that you are there when I write my thesis and do my experiments.
'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'-Jeremiah 33:3. Thank you Lord for your reassurance.
Sunday, 26 August 2007
God is the chair of worship
Led worship at NCCC today. I met Francis Luckcock, who preached today, at a seminar we both attended last week. During the seminar, I meant to ask him what God laid upon his heart to preach so I could pick suitable worship songs for it. However, it just didn’t happen, perhaps I was too engrossed (with the food :p) during the lunch interval and the subject didn’t surface in my mind while speaking to him. After the seminar was over and when it came back to my mind, I was like ‘Alamak! Forgot to ask!’ I decided to step out in faith, believing that God is sovereign and He would guide. I was immensely touched several times during the sermon when I realised that there were many common ground between the worship and preaching-Our spiritual inheritance as a family, righteousness through faith in Jesus. There was even a common verse being read, Matt 5:20. I realise that God’s guidance doesn’t necessarily need to come with a ‘bang’ or obvious indication. In fact, I realise that while preparing for the worship, it felt like it was based on my own thoughts, but now I see that God so subtlety guided me. He was working with me, or should I say I was working with Him :) Though I was standing up there today, God is the real chair of the worship for He orchestrated the whole thing.
Even before the worship, I was already seeing God work. When asking for musicians, I sent out emails to various people and one of them is a guy who has not been to NCCC for a long time. He replied in an email saying thanks for not leaving him out. Although he wasn’t able to make it today because he went camping, I am glad I remembered him and its amazing how just a little thought and email can encourage someone. Really thankful and appreciative for Kevin who was on the guitar today. He was so willing to help out from the start when I asked him. Also, despite a late night, he drove 45 minutes to get to worship practice this morning which started at 9:30am, and he arrived exactly on the spot. Was good to see Richard, a good brother whom I have not seen for a while ;) Good to know that he will be coming back to Nottingham in over a week’s time. Worship practice went so smoothly, much faster than I thought. Had time to spare to have a nice lunch in the garden and chit-chat. Managed to set-up earlier than usual in church and it helps to not have to rush about.
Usually, when I am on projector duties, I would be so concerned about the projector, setting it up in time for 1pm, checking whether the projection is on the screen. Today, 10 minutes before the service, the projector has not even arrived yet. I was so surprised that I didn’t panic! My focus at that time was right, it was on God. In my mind, I thought ‘So what if there is no projector, we could possibly use the laptop screen. The aim is to worship God and a projector will not stop us from doing so’.
This is the first worship I led where I could really sense a much closer manifestation of the Spirit’s presence working in me. At times, I forgot what I wanted to say next. I didn’t panic and simply took my time. Periods of silence doesn’t kill! It was alright even if I didn’t follow entirely what I set out to do. The best thing a worship leader can do is to worship God himself at the same time while leading. I do not think worship leading is my area of gifting, but that doesn't stop me from helping out. It's amazing how I can have the courage to stand in front to lead a group of people to sing when I have only been in a KTV once in my life! Feel pretty embarassed about this actually, hehe.
People’s encouragement after the service is a true indication that my prayers for today’s service has been answered. That’s the point of today’s whole service-for God to draw close. Lord, open my heart to be joyful to see people drawing close and coming back to You. Even after the service, I was greatly encouraged. I realised that Lena, who was playing the piano, was playing for the Cantonese service as well after being through a morning of worship practice and english service in the afternoon. I don’t play the piano, so I don’t know how demanding it is to be on it for hours, but I can imagine it’s quite tiring. I was greatly humbled and encouraged. Also, I am greatly encouraged by a couple in church whom I can see are making a deliberate effort to spend time with people, to ask them how they are and to pray for them.
Praise God for the family I have at NCCC.
Even before the worship, I was already seeing God work. When asking for musicians, I sent out emails to various people and one of them is a guy who has not been to NCCC for a long time. He replied in an email saying thanks for not leaving him out. Although he wasn’t able to make it today because he went camping, I am glad I remembered him and its amazing how just a little thought and email can encourage someone. Really thankful and appreciative for Kevin who was on the guitar today. He was so willing to help out from the start when I asked him. Also, despite a late night, he drove 45 minutes to get to worship practice this morning which started at 9:30am, and he arrived exactly on the spot. Was good to see Richard, a good brother whom I have not seen for a while ;) Good to know that he will be coming back to Nottingham in over a week’s time. Worship practice went so smoothly, much faster than I thought. Had time to spare to have a nice lunch in the garden and chit-chat. Managed to set-up earlier than usual in church and it helps to not have to rush about.
Usually, when I am on projector duties, I would be so concerned about the projector, setting it up in time for 1pm, checking whether the projection is on the screen. Today, 10 minutes before the service, the projector has not even arrived yet. I was so surprised that I didn’t panic! My focus at that time was right, it was on God. In my mind, I thought ‘So what if there is no projector, we could possibly use the laptop screen. The aim is to worship God and a projector will not stop us from doing so’.
This is the first worship I led where I could really sense a much closer manifestation of the Spirit’s presence working in me. At times, I forgot what I wanted to say next. I didn’t panic and simply took my time. Periods of silence doesn’t kill! It was alright even if I didn’t follow entirely what I set out to do. The best thing a worship leader can do is to worship God himself at the same time while leading. I do not think worship leading is my area of gifting, but that doesn't stop me from helping out. It's amazing how I can have the courage to stand in front to lead a group of people to sing when I have only been in a KTV once in my life! Feel pretty embarassed about this actually, hehe.
People’s encouragement after the service is a true indication that my prayers for today’s service has been answered. That’s the point of today’s whole service-for God to draw close. Lord, open my heart to be joyful to see people drawing close and coming back to You. Even after the service, I was greatly encouraged. I realised that Lena, who was playing the piano, was playing for the Cantonese service as well after being through a morning of worship practice and english service in the afternoon. I don’t play the piano, so I don’t know how demanding it is to be on it for hours, but I can imagine it’s quite tiring. I was greatly humbled and encouraged. Also, I am greatly encouraged by a couple in church whom I can see are making a deliberate effort to spend time with people, to ask them how they are and to pray for them.
Praise God for the family I have at NCCC.
Thursday, 23 August 2007
On anger
Though anger is often directed towards someone, I believe in most cases, it isn't personal. But people often take it personal and it evolves into a vicious cycle.
When someone is angry, he is hurting. The hurt comes from within first and foremost. Unfortunately, it is often directed towards others.
A natural approach in dealing with someone angry is to be defensive, probably because it is perceived as personal and defensiveness is also a form of insecurity. After getting past that emotional spike, maybe one would start to rationalise the reasons for getting angry. I am one person who analyses alot. In difficult situations, I would contemplate on the rightness/wrongness aspect.
What would Jesus do?
Maybe He would look beyond the anger to see the hurt within. Compassion isn't about facts, but standing in the place of the one who is suffering. Considering my self-centerness and prejudices, it requires humbling myself and a glimpse into God's heart. It's been a while since I weeped for the lost or someone who is hurting because I have been full of myself and distracted by personal issues.
From Michael W Smith 'Second decade' album-Live the Life
For the world to know the truth
There can be no greater proof
Than to live the life, live the life
Theres no love thats quite as pure
Theres no pain we cant endure
If we live the life, live the life
Be a light for all to see
For every act of love will set you free
Lord, continue to break my heart and set it free to love.
When someone is angry, he is hurting. The hurt comes from within first and foremost. Unfortunately, it is often directed towards others.
A natural approach in dealing with someone angry is to be defensive, probably because it is perceived as personal and defensiveness is also a form of insecurity. After getting past that emotional spike, maybe one would start to rationalise the reasons for getting angry. I am one person who analyses alot. In difficult situations, I would contemplate on the rightness/wrongness aspect.
What would Jesus do?
Maybe He would look beyond the anger to see the hurt within. Compassion isn't about facts, but standing in the place of the one who is suffering. Considering my self-centerness and prejudices, it requires humbling myself and a glimpse into God's heart. It's been a while since I weeped for the lost or someone who is hurting because I have been full of myself and distracted by personal issues.
From Michael W Smith 'Second decade' album-Live the Life
For the world to know the truth
There can be no greater proof
Than to live the life, live the life
Theres no love thats quite as pure
Theres no pain we cant endure
If we live the life, live the life
Be a light for all to see
For every act of love will set you free
Lord, continue to break my heart and set it free to love.
Tuesday, 21 August 2007
People needs to be understood
It's not about right or wrong.
There was a breakthrough with a close friend during lunch today. I make efforts to spend time alone with him, but in recent months, it often do not turn out well. There is this sense of frustration. He is going through some tough times with his fiancee and her parents. I confess that I have been impatient with him many many times and it has built up over the months. Whether or not I have a good reason to be impatient does not matter. It's not about right or wrong, fact is I have been impatient with him.
As we were walking to the foodcourt for lunch today, he again shared about the frustration he has with his fiancee. After listening for a couple of minutes, I offered a suggestion. It was met with a familiar response 'You do not understand me! You think you are smarter than my parents?' In my mind, I was like 'Here we go again...' Man, we have not even bought our food yet! When giving thanks for lunch, I desperately prayed for God to intervene, to give me wisdom and patience. I realise I did not understand the situation fully before offering the suggestion. There was this part in me which wanted to jump at his blown up response to a mere suggestion. As I tried to explain things, I realise that it would get nowhere. God started to change my heart and I began to listen, not to his words, but to his pain. For an instance, I saw his suffering through God's heart.
He needed to be understood first and foremost. It doesn't matter whether his attitudes are right or wrong-that's where I believe I always failed. I often try to change him. Many times I saw his frustration as a result of things he hold so tightly to and it's been 'Mission impossible' to try to get him to let go. I have failed miserably, leading to frustration. I am now reminded that I cannot change people, only God can. Moreover, in wanting to change him according to my own definition (no matter how right I feel it is), I am claiming that I know it all and am perfect.
Love comes before rationalisation. It's a human tendancy to analyse and reason things out, but it's not always about the right/wrong attitude.
'Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.'-1 cor 13:4-7.
I really thank God for opening my heart to see this-it's a valuable lesson. It's a first step in being a friend that will make a difference. Many people are not looking for answers, but to be understood and loved.
'No matter how right I am beforehand, the moment I get angry or lose my patience, I am wrong'
There was a breakthrough with a close friend during lunch today. I make efforts to spend time alone with him, but in recent months, it often do not turn out well. There is this sense of frustration. He is going through some tough times with his fiancee and her parents. I confess that I have been impatient with him many many times and it has built up over the months. Whether or not I have a good reason to be impatient does not matter. It's not about right or wrong, fact is I have been impatient with him.
As we were walking to the foodcourt for lunch today, he again shared about the frustration he has with his fiancee. After listening for a couple of minutes, I offered a suggestion. It was met with a familiar response 'You do not understand me! You think you are smarter than my parents?' In my mind, I was like 'Here we go again...' Man, we have not even bought our food yet! When giving thanks for lunch, I desperately prayed for God to intervene, to give me wisdom and patience. I realise I did not understand the situation fully before offering the suggestion. There was this part in me which wanted to jump at his blown up response to a mere suggestion. As I tried to explain things, I realise that it would get nowhere. God started to change my heart and I began to listen, not to his words, but to his pain. For an instance, I saw his suffering through God's heart.
He needed to be understood first and foremost. It doesn't matter whether his attitudes are right or wrong-that's where I believe I always failed. I often try to change him. Many times I saw his frustration as a result of things he hold so tightly to and it's been 'Mission impossible' to try to get him to let go. I have failed miserably, leading to frustration. I am now reminded that I cannot change people, only God can. Moreover, in wanting to change him according to my own definition (no matter how right I feel it is), I am claiming that I know it all and am perfect.
Love comes before rationalisation. It's a human tendancy to analyse and reason things out, but it's not always about the right/wrong attitude.
'Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.'-1 cor 13:4-7.
I really thank God for opening my heart to see this-it's a valuable lesson. It's a first step in being a friend that will make a difference. Many people are not looking for answers, but to be understood and loved.
'No matter how right I am beforehand, the moment I get angry or lose my patience, I am wrong'
Thursday, 16 August 2007
Purpose of bible studies
Sometimes we lose the essence of things when they are done on a regular basis. Tonight I am reminded of the purpose of bible studies. I attend a bible study group from the chinese church called Barnabas fellowship on a regular basis. This evening, I was contemplating whether to spend the time to prepare a bible study which I’m leading in SR on Friday instead of attending Barnabas. In the past, I sometimes attend because of commitment, i.e, simply being faithful. Though it’s not wrong, but it helps to go one step beyond, knowing why I am attending these bible studies. It’s not about wanting to win any ‘Attendance award’, it’s about God, fullstop.
So if I were to prepare for the bible study and not go for Barnabas tonight, I would not have felt guilty, because I would have been investing time in helping to point others and myself to God. It was an issue of priorities instead-am I doing too much outside of research? Someone recently commented that he thought my Phd was a hobby as I seem to be involved with stuff outside research most of the time.
I read the passage that was going to be covered tonight and it surrounded one of the spiritual topics I am currently examining-evil spirits. So I simply made up my mind to attend Barnabas with a specific aim to know more about this area, especially looking forward to hear opinions from a pastor who usually goes as well.
As I was driving out of the university, I saw a rainbow and got encouraged :) Next comes the test…when I arrived at the church, I realised that the pastor’s car wasn’t there! I found myself thinking of whether to drive back to the university! Had to remind myself that it’s all about God, nothing else. Not the size of the group or the people in the group. God speaks, not man, and He can speak through anybody.
Amazingly, I picked up one important illustration which is relevant to Friday’s bible study from this evening’s Barnabas. Also, without me specifically sharing about my desire to know more about evil spirits, tonight’s discussion dealt a lot with that area. Although there’s still a lot I am still trying to get to grips to, I gained from tonight’s discussion. Along with all that, it was a good time of seeking the Lord and being united in the body of Christ.
Thank God for tonight’s Barnabas :)
So if I were to prepare for the bible study and not go for Barnabas tonight, I would not have felt guilty, because I would have been investing time in helping to point others and myself to God. It was an issue of priorities instead-am I doing too much outside of research? Someone recently commented that he thought my Phd was a hobby as I seem to be involved with stuff outside research most of the time.
I read the passage that was going to be covered tonight and it surrounded one of the spiritual topics I am currently examining-evil spirits. So I simply made up my mind to attend Barnabas with a specific aim to know more about this area, especially looking forward to hear opinions from a pastor who usually goes as well.
As I was driving out of the university, I saw a rainbow and got encouraged :) Next comes the test…when I arrived at the church, I realised that the pastor’s car wasn’t there! I found myself thinking of whether to drive back to the university! Had to remind myself that it’s all about God, nothing else. Not the size of the group or the people in the group. God speaks, not man, and He can speak through anybody.
Amazingly, I picked up one important illustration which is relevant to Friday’s bible study from this evening’s Barnabas. Also, without me specifically sharing about my desire to know more about evil spirits, tonight’s discussion dealt a lot with that area. Although there’s still a lot I am still trying to get to grips to, I gained from tonight’s discussion. Along with all that, it was a good time of seeking the Lord and being united in the body of Christ.
Thank God for tonight’s Barnabas :)
A wife's role
Read a friend’s blog today and she shared her perception of being a wife. One point which struck me was the fact that she saw her role as a wife as one who supports her husband in what God has called him to do. It echoed in my heart and brought me to examine how far have I gone with seeking God’s calling for me.
Having a better sense of where God wants me to go would provide more confidence in my future relationship. Marriage doesn’t exist for itself, I believe wholeheartedly that it can be such a powerful channel for God to work through as one supports the other. It would also provide my partner with more assurance in choosing whether I am the right one.
Don’t simply look for the right one-Be the right one.
And also, there is a time for everything :)
Having a better sense of where God wants me to go would provide more confidence in my future relationship. Marriage doesn’t exist for itself, I believe wholeheartedly that it can be such a powerful channel for God to work through as one supports the other. It would also provide my partner with more assurance in choosing whether I am the right one.
Don’t simply look for the right one-Be the right one.
And also, there is a time for everything :)
Thursday, 2 August 2007
Transformers the movie
I often gain alot from movies, even the bad ones. Watched Transformers (by Michael Bay) after church, and God continued to minister to me powerfully through the movie.
It's a typical good VS bad storyline. The Autobots, led by Optimus Prime, are the good guys protecting mankind from being destroyed by the evil Decepticons, led by Megatron. The visual effects were amazing, watching cars do emergency brakes and transforming into robots simultaneouly. Sam (played by Shia Labeouf), is this teenager whose first car is actually an Autobot. Just like many other male teenagers, he wanted a car to get the girls, haha.
What really struck me was the need for a SAVIOUR. Despite the busyness and activities of everyday life, many people are meandering through life, not really knowing what they are doing. We are a lost and confused generation, we need hope, a worthy example to follow. It's natural to look to ourselves for an answer, but it can't be found in our careers or even sincere desires to 'do good'. We really are needy beings, full of weaknesses and mistakes. We need a lord and saviour.
There were many sacrificial acts in the movie. My favourite phrase was, 'No sacrifice, no victory'. I love to take short-cuts and find the easiest path through life. But there are some goals which cannot be attained without sacrifices. Journey with God will be hard if I expect a smooth ride. I often get discouraged because I am not where I want to be. Am learning how to wrestle with God and have tasted how sweet the victory can be afterwards if I persevere long enough. Watching band of brothers too, a world war 2 movie and am reminded of spiritual warfare. It takes training, knowing who the enemy is and lots of discomfort. An autobot told Sam at one point, 'You are a soilder now'
Some of the Autobots were complaining to Opotimus Prime why did they have to go through so much to save mankind, with all their evil. It is worth it? The leader's reply was 'Were we any different?' He added later 'I have witnessed their capacity for courage'.
Decepticons were the name given to the evil guys. Likewise, Satan is the father of lies and one of his greatest weapon is deception :)
At the start of the movie, Sam tried to get a hot girl into his car. Though not an appropriate context, but one of his line was '50 years from now don't you want to look back and say you got into the car?' In the decisions I have to make now, it will be useful to evaluate them with a mindset of the future. There are some decisions which I know it's the right one but am afraid of making it because it brings me too far out of my comfort zone. I do not want to look back 10 years later and regret not taking that step of faith.
Be blessed.
It's a typical good VS bad storyline. The Autobots, led by Optimus Prime, are the good guys protecting mankind from being destroyed by the evil Decepticons, led by Megatron. The visual effects were amazing, watching cars do emergency brakes and transforming into robots simultaneouly. Sam (played by Shia Labeouf), is this teenager whose first car is actually an Autobot. Just like many other male teenagers, he wanted a car to get the girls, haha.
What really struck me was the need for a SAVIOUR. Despite the busyness and activities of everyday life, many people are meandering through life, not really knowing what they are doing. We are a lost and confused generation, we need hope, a worthy example to follow. It's natural to look to ourselves for an answer, but it can't be found in our careers or even sincere desires to 'do good'. We really are needy beings, full of weaknesses and mistakes. We need a lord and saviour.
There were many sacrificial acts in the movie. My favourite phrase was, 'No sacrifice, no victory'. I love to take short-cuts and find the easiest path through life. But there are some goals which cannot be attained without sacrifices. Journey with God will be hard if I expect a smooth ride. I often get discouraged because I am not where I want to be. Am learning how to wrestle with God and have tasted how sweet the victory can be afterwards if I persevere long enough. Watching band of brothers too, a world war 2 movie and am reminded of spiritual warfare. It takes training, knowing who the enemy is and lots of discomfort. An autobot told Sam at one point, 'You are a soilder now'
Some of the Autobots were complaining to Opotimus Prime why did they have to go through so much to save mankind, with all their evil. It is worth it? The leader's reply was 'Were we any different?' He added later 'I have witnessed their capacity for courage'.
Decepticons were the name given to the evil guys. Likewise, Satan is the father of lies and one of his greatest weapon is deception :)
At the start of the movie, Sam tried to get a hot girl into his car. Though not an appropriate context, but one of his line was '50 years from now don't you want to look back and say you got into the car?' In the decisions I have to make now, it will be useful to evaluate them with a mindset of the future. There are some decisions which I know it's the right one but am afraid of making it because it brings me too far out of my comfort zone. I do not want to look back 10 years later and regret not taking that step of faith.
Be blessed.
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
God in business
One of Tim Hughes's song, 'Everything', is centered on God being in every aspect of our lives.
All along, I saw my interest in technopreneurship (technology+business) as somewhat independent from my faith. The most I could muster was perhaps offering my profits (if any :p ) to Him and being a witness in the workplace. Nothing wrong with that, but I am beginning to see a new horizon-something bigger.
After the mission trip, I got a glimpse of the practicality in evangelism. It goes a step beyond knowing the bible and being able to argue or explain who God is clearly. It's about practical steps-bringing the gospel OUT and making Christ KNOWN.
The last time I went back to Singapore, I spoke to this ex-convict on probation working in the coffeeshop my Dad is involved in. It's part of a program called Yellow ribbon where people from prison get a new lease of work opportunities. I recently heard of Breakthrough at people's park, which is doing something similiar I believe.
A pastor we were working with in Portugal came to pick us up wearing a T-shirt labelled 'Prison fellowship'. He once said, 'If this guy kills someone, he will be my friend.', refering to a random person on the street. If Jesus were here right now, I guess we could see him heading straight for the prisons wouldn't him? It's about making a practical difference-bringing HOPE to people.
I guess even imprinting bible verses on bubble tea cups would make a difference. Maybe a cafe with a focus different from others? The possibilities are only limited by what God can do :)
Please pray with me for God to open my eyes to the needs out there and for radical aspirations to turn all that He has put in my life into blessings for others.
All along, I saw my interest in technopreneurship (technology+business) as somewhat independent from my faith. The most I could muster was perhaps offering my profits (if any :p ) to Him and being a witness in the workplace. Nothing wrong with that, but I am beginning to see a new horizon-something bigger.
After the mission trip, I got a glimpse of the practicality in evangelism. It goes a step beyond knowing the bible and being able to argue or explain who God is clearly. It's about practical steps-bringing the gospel OUT and making Christ KNOWN.
The last time I went back to Singapore, I spoke to this ex-convict on probation working in the coffeeshop my Dad is involved in. It's part of a program called Yellow ribbon where people from prison get a new lease of work opportunities. I recently heard of Breakthrough at people's park, which is doing something similiar I believe.
A pastor we were working with in Portugal came to pick us up wearing a T-shirt labelled 'Prison fellowship'. He once said, 'If this guy kills someone, he will be my friend.', refering to a random person on the street. If Jesus were here right now, I guess we could see him heading straight for the prisons wouldn't him? It's about making a practical difference-bringing HOPE to people.
I guess even imprinting bible verses on bubble tea cups would make a difference. Maybe a cafe with a focus different from others? The possibilities are only limited by what God can do :)
Please pray with me for God to open my eyes to the needs out there and for radical aspirations to turn all that He has put in my life into blessings for others.
Monday, 30 July 2007
27th Birthday
I'm 27 today. Approaching late-twenties already...gosh. I thank God for the past 26 years, especially in the past 4 years where He brought me to Him. At times, I feel that I have not achieved much at my age, especially when most of my peers back home have already had a headstart on their career. A secondary school friend have even got a child already! Though I know career shouldn't be the focus of life, but I still feel the desire to go out there to the marketplace. However, I believe whole heartedly that there is a purpose for my extended stay here in UK. My Phd has not been a 'Permanent Head Damage' experience but 'Prayer, Healing and Deliverance'. The journey has been tough at times, because academia isn't my cup of tea. However, I do enjoy brainstorming and being creative in my research.
Am thankful for the birthday greetings I have received. Each one of them is precious. It's funny how there seems to be a special need for attention today, telling people that it's MY birthday, haha. Realise I can actually laugh off my pride and my own foolishness. The other extreme is to keep totally quiet about it and not want anyone to know-disguised pride. Anyways, I will be spending the evening with a brother who has the same birthday and a small group of friends. Not sure if they would enjoy drinking, but I have a bottle of white port wine in my bag, hehe.
Going off to a nice lunch now with a close brother whom I just got encouraged by his desire to know more about God and the bible.
Am thankful for the birthday greetings I have received. Each one of them is precious. It's funny how there seems to be a special need for attention today, telling people that it's MY birthday, haha. Realise I can actually laugh off my pride and my own foolishness. The other extreme is to keep totally quiet about it and not want anyone to know-disguised pride. Anyways, I will be spending the evening with a brother who has the same birthday and a small group of friends. Not sure if they would enjoy drinking, but I have a bottle of white port wine in my bag, hehe.
Going off to a nice lunch now with a close brother whom I just got encouraged by his desire to know more about God and the bible.
Sunday, 29 July 2007
Preaching at NCCC
My second 'yearly' sermon at NCCC. God already planted that desire in my heart before I was asked if I would be interested to preach, pretty amazing. Initially when I had that desire, I had the fear that it arose from my pride and felt that it would be too 'thick-skin' to ask if I could preach.
The passage is Ex 19:1-19. My dominant thought was, God pursues us, what is our response?-4Cs, Contemplate on who God is and His promises, Craving for God, Consecrate ourselves, Count the cost. Was confident of the content of the sermon and my greatest challenge in preparation was having the right focus, wanting to be an instrument for God to touch the hearts of the people listening and not for me to give a good performance for myself.
Woke up around 6:30 and I thank God that my focus was already on him, unlike many other mornings. Stayed away from the script the whole morning and simply did my own QT and focused on worshipping Him. Went for a run too. Was quite a rush to get to church because I checked the bus timings pretty late.
There were moments where the enemy cast doubts and fear. I prayed against the deceptions. Was reminded to embrace my humanity, that it's alright to feel anxious. Was reading Phil 3:12-14 and was encouraged when even Paul acknowledged that he have not taken hold of that which he wrote about. I realised it was my own pride in wanting to be perfect and felt that anxiety was wrong-a deception. Before the sermon, I started to become increasing self-conscienous and was distracted by practical stuff such as the projector. During worship, I realised that there wasn't any need to be concerned about anything, not even the sermon. I simply proclaimed that Jesus is Lord because I was preaching about Him.
I believe God used the sermon to speak to people and I am thankful for that. I am thankful that I felt comfortable delivering the sermon and could increasing see myself as an instrument wanting to make a difference. God has been so real and He is forever faithful. Thank you Lord. My prayer now is that people would stay inspired and convicted to deepen their relationship with God and offer more of themselves to Him. Well, it's a daily prayer for everyone of us isn't it :)
The passage is Ex 19:1-19. My dominant thought was, God pursues us, what is our response?-4Cs, Contemplate on who God is and His promises, Craving for God, Consecrate ourselves, Count the cost. Was confident of the content of the sermon and my greatest challenge in preparation was having the right focus, wanting to be an instrument for God to touch the hearts of the people listening and not for me to give a good performance for myself.
Woke up around 6:30 and I thank God that my focus was already on him, unlike many other mornings. Stayed away from the script the whole morning and simply did my own QT and focused on worshipping Him. Went for a run too. Was quite a rush to get to church because I checked the bus timings pretty late.
There were moments where the enemy cast doubts and fear. I prayed against the deceptions. Was reminded to embrace my humanity, that it's alright to feel anxious. Was reading Phil 3:12-14 and was encouraged when even Paul acknowledged that he have not taken hold of that which he wrote about. I realised it was my own pride in wanting to be perfect and felt that anxiety was wrong-a deception. Before the sermon, I started to become increasing self-conscienous and was distracted by practical stuff such as the projector. During worship, I realised that there wasn't any need to be concerned about anything, not even the sermon. I simply proclaimed that Jesus is Lord because I was preaching about Him.
I believe God used the sermon to speak to people and I am thankful for that. I am thankful that I felt comfortable delivering the sermon and could increasing see myself as an instrument wanting to make a difference. God has been so real and He is forever faithful. Thank you Lord. My prayer now is that people would stay inspired and convicted to deepen their relationship with God and offer more of themselves to Him. Well, it's a daily prayer for everyone of us isn't it :)
Saturday, 28 July 2007
Mission trip to Portugal
My first mission trip. Was hesitant initially because I am nearing the end of my phd and every month counts in getting those crucial results I need to write up my thesis. But I knew there would be less flexibility when I start work and it's never too high a sacrifice to make for God. Was also going with someone whom have inspired me in my walk with God-Kenny.
The 2 week trip enlightened my heart to experience faith being put into practise. When Kenny took out the guitar and literally started singing in open-air to a group of strangers, I was like 'Wah, this is what it's all about'. I can read a thousand times about God's heart and how I am to make disciples of all nations, but nothing beats really doing it. I do reach out to friends often and talk to strangers about God, but that first open-air preaching was really something-it brought me to higher grounds.
My lack of perseverance in continuing to play the guitar is because my strumming is not as natural as many others and I find it really hard to know how to sing along with the right beats. It's a fact that music is the least of my talents, but that isn't the point is it? When the needs comes and you're the only one around who is able to at least half-decently play the guitar, you do not have to be the best.
There were 6 of us intially (Kenny, Bee Lee, Debbie, Daniel, Trina and myself). Sinli joined us in the middle (late starter and early finisher :p). We worked with 3 local churches in Vizela, Porto and Lisbon. The first two were Evangelical and Bretheren and we helped them in their out-reach mainly through distributing tracks. We learned how to make balloon animals and gave them out to many children. It's not hard. Daniel overcome his initial fear of ballons exploding and got so excited about it at the end where he would keep the pumps and ballons in his bag ready for anything anytime anywhere (sometimes anyhow). Also learned this useful magic trick using a rope and knot which illustrates how Jesus takes away our sins. Realised how important it is to be able to catch people's attention and there are many practical ways in doing so. The schedule was nowhere as hectic as I was initially preparing myself. Spent alot of time fellowshiping with the church and missionaries there. Was able to take afternoon naps (siesta) too! First time I slept in a church-wasn't the usual churches I see with high-tech equipment and nice facilities. It was a room with a pulpit and chairs. Everything has a beginning right?
Portugal is one of the poorer western european country. Food is cheap there. I was really surprised to hear people saying I got thinner when I came back to UK after all that I ate there. The best meal I had was my first lunch there at this local restaurant. They served rice, potatoes, meat, salad, bread, wine for only 3 pounds! You can get a bottle of wine for less than a pound there. We spend many nights fellowshiping with wine, cheese and biscuits. They were valuable times for me to let go, share and be inspired.
I prayed for God to use me to bring someone to Christ whilst on the plane before touching down to Portugal. It didn't happen. The most tangible result of our work there was encouragement to the local churches. As for evangelism, I believe we planted seeds and will pray for God to water them. I personally was greatly encouraged by being able to speak to this lady about the world's suffering and God. I wasn't sure of her previous commitment to God but she mentioned that she is far from God and I got her to read James 4:8 'Come near to God and he will come near to you'. Really thankful that God brought her, someone whom I can communicate with. I struggle with being able to communicate with most people I meet because many of them do not know english, especially in the small towns.
It's very natural to reflect upon the trip and think upon what I have gained out from the trip. Do want to make the deliberate effort to continue to pray for the people in Portugal and I look forward to good news from that land. There is less than 1% of Christians in Portugal and many people are blinded by Catholism.
I thank God for this chance to be a blessing to others and I pray that I would continue to seek to be a blessing to others in the midst of my own weaknesses and struggles.
The 2 week trip enlightened my heart to experience faith being put into practise. When Kenny took out the guitar and literally started singing in open-air to a group of strangers, I was like 'Wah, this is what it's all about'. I can read a thousand times about God's heart and how I am to make disciples of all nations, but nothing beats really doing it. I do reach out to friends often and talk to strangers about God, but that first open-air preaching was really something-it brought me to higher grounds.
My lack of perseverance in continuing to play the guitar is because my strumming is not as natural as many others and I find it really hard to know how to sing along with the right beats. It's a fact that music is the least of my talents, but that isn't the point is it? When the needs comes and you're the only one around who is able to at least half-decently play the guitar, you do not have to be the best.
There were 6 of us intially (Kenny, Bee Lee, Debbie, Daniel, Trina and myself). Sinli joined us in the middle (late starter and early finisher :p). We worked with 3 local churches in Vizela, Porto and Lisbon. The first two were Evangelical and Bretheren and we helped them in their out-reach mainly through distributing tracks. We learned how to make balloon animals and gave them out to many children. It's not hard. Daniel overcome his initial fear of ballons exploding and got so excited about it at the end where he would keep the pumps and ballons in his bag ready for anything anytime anywhere (sometimes anyhow). Also learned this useful magic trick using a rope and knot which illustrates how Jesus takes away our sins. Realised how important it is to be able to catch people's attention and there are many practical ways in doing so. The schedule was nowhere as hectic as I was initially preparing myself. Spent alot of time fellowshiping with the church and missionaries there. Was able to take afternoon naps (siesta) too! First time I slept in a church-wasn't the usual churches I see with high-tech equipment and nice facilities. It was a room with a pulpit and chairs. Everything has a beginning right?
Portugal is one of the poorer western european country. Food is cheap there. I was really surprised to hear people saying I got thinner when I came back to UK after all that I ate there. The best meal I had was my first lunch there at this local restaurant. They served rice, potatoes, meat, salad, bread, wine for only 3 pounds! You can get a bottle of wine for less than a pound there. We spend many nights fellowshiping with wine, cheese and biscuits. They were valuable times for me to let go, share and be inspired.
I prayed for God to use me to bring someone to Christ whilst on the plane before touching down to Portugal. It didn't happen. The most tangible result of our work there was encouragement to the local churches. As for evangelism, I believe we planted seeds and will pray for God to water them. I personally was greatly encouraged by being able to speak to this lady about the world's suffering and God. I wasn't sure of her previous commitment to God but she mentioned that she is far from God and I got her to read James 4:8 'Come near to God and he will come near to you'. Really thankful that God brought her, someone whom I can communicate with. I struggle with being able to communicate with most people I meet because many of them do not know english, especially in the small towns.
It's very natural to reflect upon the trip and think upon what I have gained out from the trip. Do want to make the deliberate effort to continue to pray for the people in Portugal and I look forward to good news from that land. There is less than 1% of Christians in Portugal and many people are blinded by Catholism.
I thank God for this chance to be a blessing to others and I pray that I would continue to seek to be a blessing to others in the midst of my own weaknesses and struggles.
Making a difference
Several weeks ago, I succumbed to Facebook. And though I haven't been very regular on it, it was a shift from my stuborness ever since I resisted Friendster and many more over the years. I didn't thought it was very practical and I was afraid of needing to compare the number of friends I have with others. I passed judgement whenever I hear of people getting to know girls through their friend's network without realising I could well be the pot calling the kettle black.
Well, here I am writing my first blog, another softening of my heart to flow with the culture instead of resisting it. I am doing this for a sole reason, to share how real GOD has been, is and will be in my life and to MAKE A DIFFERENCE in the lives of those who reads it.
Above all career aspirations, material goals, I believe seeking to make a difference in the life of others is a calling most worthy of my all-something which will bring me the highest joy, fulfillment and will certainly last beyond anything the world can provide.
Guess it would also remind myself of who God is to me at times in the future when the rubber hits the road as I get further out to the real world. I am excited to journal my journey with God and allow it to be a blessing to others.
My prayer is that God would use this blog for His glory because that is what it's created for. That's what we all are created for.
Well, here I am writing my first blog, another softening of my heart to flow with the culture instead of resisting it. I am doing this for a sole reason, to share how real GOD has been, is and will be in my life and to MAKE A DIFFERENCE in the lives of those who reads it.
Above all career aspirations, material goals, I believe seeking to make a difference in the life of others is a calling most worthy of my all-something which will bring me the highest joy, fulfillment and will certainly last beyond anything the world can provide.
Guess it would also remind myself of who God is to me at times in the future when the rubber hits the road as I get further out to the real world. I am excited to journal my journey with God and allow it to be a blessing to others.
My prayer is that God would use this blog for His glory because that is what it's created for. That's what we all are created for.
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