Key take-aways from my 4th BTW at Palm Resorts (JB), Nov 2010:
1) Work for God is not to be a spiritual front but an outflow of a rich intimacy with God and in response to what God has already done first.
2) Realised my need to journey along with peers and resolved to take a decisive action to find one.
3) There is a danger of living in my own words, good in giving advice and wrongly assuming that I am living it out.
4) God of the "Even now". Joel 2:12-14
I have heard before that a lone ranger is a dead ranger. But I never saw myself as a lone ranger until this BTW. I had mentors I could go to for advise, brothers I fellowship with, my previous DG group. I know people in church. However, while all these should have a place in my life, I realise I do not have a peer who knows me intimately and my current journey. I have tried to be accountable to brothers before but it stops after a while. I pray for God to find me such brothers to journey along for the whole distance ahead. This is especially important as I am based overseas most of my time now and have put a hold to my IDT.
I have been exposed to Men-In-Covenant for two years now. However, it's only over this BTW where I begin to experience and catch the need of a men's ministry. We as men are more lonely than we look on the exterior. Amongst the leadership in MIC, I see the blessedness of journeying along with brothers. Leaders who embrace the confession of men, put an arm around them and pray with them. An authentic men's community is so powerful if we dare to open up and commit our time and efforts.
I was ministered to by God halfway through the BTW. My walk with God wasn't close when I started the BTW due to some distractions a week before. Although I wished I had remained more focused, but I learnt to journey along with brothers without having any deceptions that I am on a spiritual pedestal. I hope God did use me to minister to the brothers whom I prayed for.
I am thankful for my group. We broke the ice fast and there was a good mix of different characters. Some jokers and some more quiet like myself. I appreciated everyone's deep sharing and am encouraged by all our desires to draw closer to God. Hope that we can continue to journey along beyond the BTW.
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
Saturday, 13 November 2010
Direction in life
This is a response to a friend's sharing of how she intends to spend time to search for direction in life.
What are we to do with our lives comes from the deeper question of 'Who we are', our identity. Who we are determines what we do. A farmers grows crops while a doctor treats patients. There is a danger however in finding our identity in a job because jobs are not permanent. A doctor who loses his job will feel sad, but that does not mean he has got nothing to do in his live anymore. Our identity ultimately also cannot be found in the earthly names given to us. 'Andrew' will not provide the ultimate guidance for my life.
'Who we are' can ONLY be answered by FIRST answering the more important question of 'Whose we are'. This question will likely stir up negative responses in many people. 'WHAT! How can you say I belong to someone! I belong to myself! No one owns me, I am in control of my own life!' The human nature is such that we want to be in the center of our own lives. But is this the truth? The Christian truth teaches that God created us and we belong to Him. It would be interesting to research if other faith reveals a God who created them. Yes, we were brought into this earth through our mother's womb, but who created everything? There are many scientific evidence showing how life is unimaginably possible. If earth were a little closer or further from the sun, earth would be too warm or cold for any life to exist. The human body is the world's greatest wonder, the way it functions, it heals and its capability. Did all these happen by evolution, by chance or did a greater being created us all. Oh yes, and don't forget to take a look at the mountains....
So, the question to my dear friend would be, 'Do you believe that God created you?' or do you truly believe that you evolved from monkeys?
What are we to do with our lives comes from the deeper question of 'Who we are', our identity. Who we are determines what we do. A farmers grows crops while a doctor treats patients. There is a danger however in finding our identity in a job because jobs are not permanent. A doctor who loses his job will feel sad, but that does not mean he has got nothing to do in his live anymore. Our identity ultimately also cannot be found in the earthly names given to us. 'Andrew' will not provide the ultimate guidance for my life.
'Who we are' can ONLY be answered by FIRST answering the more important question of 'Whose we are'. This question will likely stir up negative responses in many people. 'WHAT! How can you say I belong to someone! I belong to myself! No one owns me, I am in control of my own life!' The human nature is such that we want to be in the center of our own lives. But is this the truth? The Christian truth teaches that God created us and we belong to Him. It would be interesting to research if other faith reveals a God who created them. Yes, we were brought into this earth through our mother's womb, but who created everything? There are many scientific evidence showing how life is unimaginably possible. If earth were a little closer or further from the sun, earth would be too warm or cold for any life to exist. The human body is the world's greatest wonder, the way it functions, it heals and its capability. Did all these happen by evolution, by chance or did a greater being created us all. Oh yes, and don't forget to take a look at the mountains....
So, the question to my dear friend would be, 'Do you believe that God created you?' or do you truly believe that you evolved from monkeys?
Friday, 8 October 2010
Mentoring with S
I was frustrated.
I realised that the voice recording failed after spending time with a mentor.
I knew that the deep revelations grasped is more important than trying to capture all factual knowledge recorded. The failed recording proved to be a test. Now, I am convinced that deep insights were deposited despite failing to capture the well-crafted statements by 'Wu-Guai'. An engineer can never beat a lawyer!
Here's me digesting these insights:
1. Isa 40:27-31. 3 truths: God knows. God cares. God is in control.
2. The definition of efficacy provides a useful framework to evaluate and make choices. "doing the right thing at the right time in the right way with the right motive to produce the right result". Some things may be right but not at the right time or done with the right motive. Order matters here. Also, the timing aspect is where many of us are challenged.
2. We access our situations and weigh our choices with much pragmatism. Often, it's not the eventual result, but how we are moulded that matters most to God. God is in control of every outcome and He works everything out for the good of those who love him. The way we respond to situations and considerations we use in our choices reflect what's within us. A husband who says to his wife 'You bring out the worst in me' is absolutely right! When God aligns our inner posture according to His perfect will, often the former external weightings will change too.
3. Balance. The importance for balance is stressed by many. However, does it always mean having the pivot at the center? If there is imbalance to start with, the pivot should start at the other end and not at the center.
4. Obedience. The heart is deceitful above all else. There is the possibility that our motive for obedience is to put us in a place to want something from God. God cannot be fooled. Our basis for obedience has to arise from a desire to worship God and honor Him for all that He has done.
I realised that the voice recording failed after spending time with a mentor.
I knew that the deep revelations grasped is more important than trying to capture all factual knowledge recorded. The failed recording proved to be a test. Now, I am convinced that deep insights were deposited despite failing to capture the well-crafted statements by 'Wu-Guai'. An engineer can never beat a lawyer!
Here's me digesting these insights:
1. Isa 40:27-31. 3 truths: God knows. God cares. God is in control.
2. The definition of efficacy provides a useful framework to evaluate and make choices. "doing the right thing at the right time in the right way with the right motive to produce the right result". Some things may be right but not at the right time or done with the right motive. Order matters here. Also, the timing aspect is where many of us are challenged.
2. We access our situations and weigh our choices with much pragmatism. Often, it's not the eventual result, but how we are moulded that matters most to God. God is in control of every outcome and He works everything out for the good of those who love him. The way we respond to situations and considerations we use in our choices reflect what's within us. A husband who says to his wife 'You bring out the worst in me' is absolutely right! When God aligns our inner posture according to His perfect will, often the former external weightings will change too.
3. Balance. The importance for balance is stressed by many. However, does it always mean having the pivot at the center? If there is imbalance to start with, the pivot should start at the other end and not at the center.
4. Obedience. The heart is deceitful above all else. There is the possibility that our motive for obedience is to put us in a place to want something from God. God cannot be fooled. Our basis for obedience has to arise from a desire to worship God and honor Him for all that He has done.
Thursday, 7 October 2010
Where are the best lessons?
It's weird.
We learn best through difficult times.
It's another paradox as to how the road of suffering often bears bitter-sweet experiences. Bitter while walking through it, but sweet at the end of each lesson.
These difficult journeys could take the form of challenging family/work situations, personal times of depression or wilderness and consequences of sin, to name a few.
They amplify the limitations of human efforts, harsh realities of the world we live in and our own sinfulness. Amazingly, we are led to a place of beauty if we atune rightly. It's a highway towards God's grace, comfort and power when we find our bearing. Paul boldly declared that God's power was made perfect in his weaknesses. Praise arising from such valley experiences can be more wholesome than elsewhere. Being fully convinced of God's love and the cross helps tear down defenses and take our first step on this highway.
Yet often we base our analysis and thoughts on finding the best and easiest way. Is this efficacious? In the midst of difficult situations or crossroads, we look for a solution. Actually, it's not answers, but GOD we need.
We learn best through difficult times.
It's another paradox as to how the road of suffering often bears bitter-sweet experiences. Bitter while walking through it, but sweet at the end of each lesson.
These difficult journeys could take the form of challenging family/work situations, personal times of depression or wilderness and consequences of sin, to name a few.
They amplify the limitations of human efforts, harsh realities of the world we live in and our own sinfulness. Amazingly, we are led to a place of beauty if we atune rightly. It's a highway towards God's grace, comfort and power when we find our bearing. Paul boldly declared that God's power was made perfect in his weaknesses. Praise arising from such valley experiences can be more wholesome than elsewhere. Being fully convinced of God's love and the cross helps tear down defenses and take our first step on this highway.
Yet often we base our analysis and thoughts on finding the best and easiest way. Is this efficacious? In the midst of difficult situations or crossroads, we look for a solution. Actually, it's not answers, but GOD we need.
Sunday, 15 August 2010
Love, not trust people
Recently, I was caught in the middle of a complex situation at work. Much time and energy was spent in second-guessing people, figuring out the other party's plot and plotting on my side too.
It's a situation where you think you're right and everyone else is being unreasonable. Truth is, I personally have been inconsistent myself and have not been completely honest all the time. Furthermore, I can never put myself completely in someone else's shoes. Perhaps nobody has the intent to cause harm to the project and they simply view the whole situation through a different lens. I then have to be careful that I do not enforce my own pair of lens onto other people's eye.
Being suspicious of people causes one to be on guard and it's draining. Trust is such an important aspect of relationships. Contrary to outward appearances, I suspect many people find it hard to completely trust someone. Due to self-centeredness, we are all inclined to put ourselves first.
After some wrestling with the situation, I found a useful insight. Ultimately, I should trust God and love people. Only God is unchanging and I can trust that He has best intentions for me. Loving people through God's mercy and grace allows me to build a genuine relationship with them despite any suspicion or criticism I have. Afterall, we are all fallen and rely on God's mercy and grace.
It's a situation where you think you're right and everyone else is being unreasonable. Truth is, I personally have been inconsistent myself and have not been completely honest all the time. Furthermore, I can never put myself completely in someone else's shoes. Perhaps nobody has the intent to cause harm to the project and they simply view the whole situation through a different lens. I then have to be careful that I do not enforce my own pair of lens onto other people's eye.
Being suspicious of people causes one to be on guard and it's draining. Trust is such an important aspect of relationships. Contrary to outward appearances, I suspect many people find it hard to completely trust someone. Due to self-centeredness, we are all inclined to put ourselves first.
After some wrestling with the situation, I found a useful insight. Ultimately, I should trust God and love people. Only God is unchanging and I can trust that He has best intentions for me. Loving people through God's mercy and grace allows me to build a genuine relationship with them despite any suspicion or criticism I have. Afterall, we are all fallen and rely on God's mercy and grace.
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
Hiding behind spirituality
Josh Mcdowell said the following at the Men's conference in May, "Men, don't hide behind spirituality to cover your wounded self". That, along with many reflections recently made me realize that I could be using spirituality as a cover for different areas.
I find myself very enthusiastic and energetic whenever I talk about spiritual issues. However, often when it comes to other conversations outside faith and church, I do not display the usual confidence. In fact, an ex-colleague once commented that I seem to be cold about many things.
Do I only find my confidence when I hide behind spirituality? It's easy to sound right when one has mastered the Christian lingo. Have I used spirituality to sound right and cover up my inadequacies and emotions within? It's a scary thought.
If that is true, what am I hiding from? Maybe a sense of inadequacy or rejection causes me to strive to give the right answer and put up false fronts.
I am learning how to be human. I don't need to overdo it and spiritualise everything. I simply need to rest upon the truth that God knows everything and He is in control. I want to learn how to just chill.
I find myself very enthusiastic and energetic whenever I talk about spiritual issues. However, often when it comes to other conversations outside faith and church, I do not display the usual confidence. In fact, an ex-colleague once commented that I seem to be cold about many things.
Do I only find my confidence when I hide behind spirituality? It's easy to sound right when one has mastered the Christian lingo. Have I used spirituality to sound right and cover up my inadequacies and emotions within? It's a scary thought.
If that is true, what am I hiding from? Maybe a sense of inadequacy or rejection causes me to strive to give the right answer and put up false fronts.
I am learning how to be human. I don't need to overdo it and spiritualise everything. I simply need to rest upon the truth that God knows everything and He is in control. I want to learn how to just chill.
Sunday, 28 February 2010
Best family worship ever!
God has led me to take the spiritual lead in drawing the family as a whole (w/o my brother at the moment) to worship Him. Two godly women have encouraged me to take up the role over the weekend. It has been a difficult challenge since I came back to Singapore 1.5 years ago. I was looking forward to praying, doing bible studies together as a family with my father taking up his God ordained role as the spiritual head. However, it has been a period of disappointment and frustration and I found myself accepting the status quo to the extend that I would find it weird if my father were to initiate a time of seeking the Lord together. However, due to a deterioration of my brother's condition, it has driven the family more to desperation in search of hope and answers. I believe the battle has to be won at home first and thus I had to step up in spite of how convicted I am in the father leading the family spiritually.
There was a breakthrough this evening. I suggested a time of worship at 9pm during dinner and my parents agreed. I was advised to lead the family through a time of verbal confession of sins. I had in mind James 5:16 where God desires for us to confess our sins to one another. However, I didn't want it to be so obvious and thus lead the bible study from James 5:13-16 instead. I asked my parents if any of the verse spoke to them and my mum said James 5:16. Praise the Lord! My dad shared how there was a lack of love in the family since many years ago. In fact when I was in primary school, my parents contemplated divorce before. It touched my heart to hear how my dad's spiritual eyes are open when a few days ago he was just sharing that he felt he has provided sufficient love for my brother and myself. I release forgiveness to my dad. I know he do love me dearly. During prayer, my mum prayed about being a poor wife, that's the first time I heard her saying such things. She actually seldom say anything good about my dad. Wow, when God breaks in, it's just so wonderful. I realise that asking direct questions does not help at all. This kind of work belongs only to the Lord. I am not the Messiah! There were tears in my mum's eyes when we ended the prayer. Actually I should have allowed for more time for ministry. But it's alright. God is in control :)
My dad read some verses from John 1 about darkness and how light shines through. During my personal prayers in the evening, I saw the image of dark clouds and realise that it relates to the verses my dad shared! I told my parents that I believe a dark cloud is covering our family at the moment, but I also saw clear skies breaking through. I shared that prayer is a weapon in which the light will burst through. It's pretty cool, I am indeed learning and experiencing that impressions in my heart and even imagery are from the God. I claim them by faith!
Well, this is just the beginning and I do pray that our family will learn how to gain the victory which we already have in Christ Jesus. God has such great plans for my family.
Hallelujah!
There was a breakthrough this evening. I suggested a time of worship at 9pm during dinner and my parents agreed. I was advised to lead the family through a time of verbal confession of sins. I had in mind James 5:16 where God desires for us to confess our sins to one another. However, I didn't want it to be so obvious and thus lead the bible study from James 5:13-16 instead. I asked my parents if any of the verse spoke to them and my mum said James 5:16. Praise the Lord! My dad shared how there was a lack of love in the family since many years ago. In fact when I was in primary school, my parents contemplated divorce before. It touched my heart to hear how my dad's spiritual eyes are open when a few days ago he was just sharing that he felt he has provided sufficient love for my brother and myself. I release forgiveness to my dad. I know he do love me dearly. During prayer, my mum prayed about being a poor wife, that's the first time I heard her saying such things. She actually seldom say anything good about my dad. Wow, when God breaks in, it's just so wonderful. I realise that asking direct questions does not help at all. This kind of work belongs only to the Lord. I am not the Messiah! There were tears in my mum's eyes when we ended the prayer. Actually I should have allowed for more time for ministry. But it's alright. God is in control :)
My dad read some verses from John 1 about darkness and how light shines through. During my personal prayers in the evening, I saw the image of dark clouds and realise that it relates to the verses my dad shared! I told my parents that I believe a dark cloud is covering our family at the moment, but I also saw clear skies breaking through. I shared that prayer is a weapon in which the light will burst through. It's pretty cool, I am indeed learning and experiencing that impressions in my heart and even imagery are from the God. I claim them by faith!
Well, this is just the beginning and I do pray that our family will learn how to gain the victory which we already have in Christ Jesus. God has such great plans for my family.
Hallelujah!
Monday, 1 February 2010
Nothing to prove
Adapted from Mentoring Paradigms (by Rev Ps Edmund Chan)
"Nothing to prove is a state of deep security in God
Nothing to lose is a state of absolute surrender to God
Nothing to hide is a state of true integrity before God"
During the last zone mentoring on 30th Jan, Tony asked us to reflect upon these 3 questions. I realised that "Nothing to prove" was what I desperately needed to grow in. I listed 3 areas for myself
1) Prove my spirituality to others
2) Prove my concern to others
"...We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts." - 1 The 2:4
"...We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else" - 1 The 2:6
God, help me to build a deep security in You to forsake the temptation and pleasures of seeking praise from man. Praise from men is cheap! Tiger Woods lost years of reputation and respect through one silly mistake (one which I could make myself). Praise from men is temporal and conditional, even within the body of Christ. Satan rides on our pride to use minor arguments to divide the church.
Seeking balance, we are not to be indifferent and isolated from others as well. God has called us to live and grow in a community. We are meant to show concern and encourage others. How do we discern between an inside-out concern and an exterior concern?
During the zone mentoring, my heart was impressed upon by the defining attribute of God's joy in one's service. Perhaps it reveals one's posture as well. If I practice my spirituality and love others in a way pleasing to God, I believe there would be joy in my heart. However, if I were to do likewise with a sense of duty and obligation, my hands may be clenched and there is an attitude of seriousness. I suddendly remember Ps Edmund shared once that he looked for that joy in God's servant. Many people can serve, but how many serve with a deep sense of joy.
God impressed upon my heart a verse during QT and later again during a sermon in the car.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."-James 1:2-4
In the midst of a trial my family is facing, this verse really spoke into my life. This trial sometimes already feel beyond what I can bear, yet I am supposed to count it as joy?? This is just revolutionary...
Thus, two areas I desire to uncover the truth and reap the benefits from: 1) Joy from service and 2) Joy from trials.
"Nothing to prove is a state of deep security in God
Nothing to lose is a state of absolute surrender to God
Nothing to hide is a state of true integrity before God"
During the last zone mentoring on 30th Jan, Tony asked us to reflect upon these 3 questions. I realised that "Nothing to prove" was what I desperately needed to grow in. I listed 3 areas for myself
1) Prove my spirituality to others
2) Prove my concern to others
"...We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts." - 1 The 2:4
"...We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else" - 1 The 2:6
God, help me to build a deep security in You to forsake the temptation and pleasures of seeking praise from man. Praise from men is cheap! Tiger Woods lost years of reputation and respect through one silly mistake (one which I could make myself). Praise from men is temporal and conditional, even within the body of Christ. Satan rides on our pride to use minor arguments to divide the church.
Seeking balance, we are not to be indifferent and isolated from others as well. God has called us to live and grow in a community. We are meant to show concern and encourage others. How do we discern between an inside-out concern and an exterior concern?
During the zone mentoring, my heart was impressed upon by the defining attribute of God's joy in one's service. Perhaps it reveals one's posture as well. If I practice my spirituality and love others in a way pleasing to God, I believe there would be joy in my heart. However, if I were to do likewise with a sense of duty and obligation, my hands may be clenched and there is an attitude of seriousness. I suddendly remember Ps Edmund shared once that he looked for that joy in God's servant. Many people can serve, but how many serve with a deep sense of joy.
God impressed upon my heart a verse during QT and later again during a sermon in the car.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."-James 1:2-4
In the midst of a trial my family is facing, this verse really spoke into my life. This trial sometimes already feel beyond what I can bear, yet I am supposed to count it as joy?? This is just revolutionary...
Thus, two areas I desire to uncover the truth and reap the benefits from: 1) Joy from service and 2) Joy from trials.
Saturday, 30 January 2010
"God speaks in quiet corners"
A reason there is for inking
this entry in a poem.
Atune to how birds of the air
probably sing to another
with unique tunes and melody,
this is one composition
I pray God would use
to speak into her heart.
"God speaks in the quiet corners",
she says with conviction.
Impressed by the wisdom of her words,
she asks for it to be inscribed.
So a humble entry this is
in my pilgrimage with God,
sensing yet not exactly sure
where God is leading us to.
No way could I have imagined
that these writings posted online,
in a space more vast than the oceans
could minutely bridge two hearts
in the instance of a moment.
Perhaps one could sideline this
as mere coincidence or
simply the birth of a pure friendship;
but the peripherals of the circumstances
seem to reveal the hand of a Master
for a greater purpose.
Does God make mistakes?
Familiarity with me she has professed,
perhaps I realise not its significance
to a little girl residing within a lady
in a world full of dangers.
Can I provide the security she seeks;
I can't be certain except knowing
I desire to lean on God's providence
if He has called me to love her.
A chemistry beyond explanation;
joyful laughters springing from the heart,
beyond facial superficiality;
are these the works of divine knitting.
A rare sense of innocence,
coupled with witful cheekyness;
surely this is how God has preserved her.
As a tender shoot grows,
desiring to sprout the beauty
of what it was created for;
I find undeniable feelings budding,
cautious not to satisfy oneself,
but ultimately to sprout
the glory of the magnificent King;
But if I know not what tomorrow will bring,
a presumptuous faith I should not build.
I find a resting place to cry out
"Let thy will be done".
Even if pure friendship was the intent,
I seek to embrace it with a thankful heart,
for I know God desires a surrendered will.
Nonetheless one prayer remains true always,
that God will timely lead her to
her prince He set aside from the start.
"God speaks in the quiet corners",
she says not only with conviction,
but with a firm resolution.
This corner I desire to give her
and faithfully pray for her.
I thank and praise the Lord.
this entry in a poem.
Atune to how birds of the air
probably sing to another
with unique tunes and melody,
this is one composition
I pray God would use
to speak into her heart.
"God speaks in the quiet corners",
she says with conviction.
Impressed by the wisdom of her words,
she asks for it to be inscribed.
So a humble entry this is
in my pilgrimage with God,
sensing yet not exactly sure
where God is leading us to.
No way could I have imagined
that these writings posted online,
in a space more vast than the oceans
could minutely bridge two hearts
in the instance of a moment.
Perhaps one could sideline this
as mere coincidence or
simply the birth of a pure friendship;
but the peripherals of the circumstances
seem to reveal the hand of a Master
for a greater purpose.
Does God make mistakes?
Familiarity with me she has professed,
perhaps I realise not its significance
to a little girl residing within a lady
in a world full of dangers.
Can I provide the security she seeks;
I can't be certain except knowing
I desire to lean on God's providence
if He has called me to love her.
A chemistry beyond explanation;
joyful laughters springing from the heart,
beyond facial superficiality;
are these the works of divine knitting.
A rare sense of innocence,
coupled with witful cheekyness;
surely this is how God has preserved her.
As a tender shoot grows,
desiring to sprout the beauty
of what it was created for;
I find undeniable feelings budding,
cautious not to satisfy oneself,
but ultimately to sprout
the glory of the magnificent King;
But if I know not what tomorrow will bring,
a presumptuous faith I should not build.
I find a resting place to cry out
"Let thy will be done".
Even if pure friendship was the intent,
I seek to embrace it with a thankful heart,
for I know God desires a surrendered will.
Nonetheless one prayer remains true always,
that God will timely lead her to
her prince He set aside from the start.
"God speaks in the quiet corners",
she says not only with conviction,
but with a firm resolution.
This corner I desire to give her
and faithfully pray for her.
I thank and praise the Lord.
Monday, 11 January 2010
Job offer
I have just been offered a job at a rather unique organisation, WTO. And no, it’s not trade, it’s toilet!
Over the past year, I have found an interest for Bottom of Pyramid (BOP) markets. Basically it’s doing business in the developing countries. My current job does not allow me to venture into BOP and I have been contemplating to move on to another job if the opportunity arises. Somehow, over the weekend, a relevant job just arose from nowhere! I did pray for God to open doors, but now when one relevant opportunity is staring right at me in the face, I am not exactly certain if it’s from God. Perhaps the fact that I did pray about it should reinforce the possibility that it’s of God.
I feel strange now because although this is an opportunity I have been dreaming of, I stand before this job opening with uncertainty, almost with fear and trembling. I am not sure if I would be up to the job. While I have been familiarizing myself with BOP, I am still not exactly sure what WTO does. A major consideration is also my career prospects. While I often share with confidence the potential of BOP markets, I am unsure if it can really feed my family in the future.
As I hear myself writing this, I realise that I am not meant to know everything that is ahead. I need to trust God.
Over the past year, I have found an interest for Bottom of Pyramid (BOP) markets. Basically it’s doing business in the developing countries. My current job does not allow me to venture into BOP and I have been contemplating to move on to another job if the opportunity arises. Somehow, over the weekend, a relevant job just arose from nowhere! I did pray for God to open doors, but now when one relevant opportunity is staring right at me in the face, I am not exactly certain if it’s from God. Perhaps the fact that I did pray about it should reinforce the possibility that it’s of God.
I feel strange now because although this is an opportunity I have been dreaming of, I stand before this job opening with uncertainty, almost with fear and trembling. I am not sure if I would be up to the job. While I have been familiarizing myself with BOP, I am still not exactly sure what WTO does. A major consideration is also my career prospects. While I often share with confidence the potential of BOP markets, I am unsure if it can really feed my family in the future.
As I hear myself writing this, I realise that I am not meant to know everything that is ahead. I need to trust God.
Friday, 25 December 2009
Tearing my primary school report cards
Rev Edmund Chan preached at the Christmas Service today. I sat with the team whom I am going to Pekanbaru tomorrow and am extremely thankful for it was a very relevant message to prepare our hearts for the trip. Over the past few days, God has already been tutoring my heart that He is in control, a main point of the sermon. It's so amazing to be in tuned with God, knowing that He is speaking and the 'random' inspirations I have especially in my morning QT are indeed of God.
A joke was made in the message about a kid who saw his father's poor results in his own record card. A wild idea then came across me. I pictured myself tearing my primary school report books and scattering a few small pieces in the sea as I head to Batam tomorrow. This is not to prevent my future children from seeing my report card. I intend it to be a symbolic act of breaking away from this negative self worth because of my bad experience in primary school. Christ has already redeemed us and set us free. These acts merely act as a reminder and resolution to urge us ahead.
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.-Phil 3:13-14
I am someone who finds it hard to throw things away. It wasn't easy to tear the report books. At several points, I thought that it's also meaningful to keep it as a memory from my childhood and where God has brought me from.
Could there be a natural inclination to keep to things of the past, to stay in our comfort zone?
I pray that whenever I am tempted to feel lousy as a poor primary school student, I would look back at this symbolic act and boldly proclaim "I am a new creation in Christ!" I look forward to scattering it across the seas tomorrow morning.....
A joke was made in the message about a kid who saw his father's poor results in his own record card. A wild idea then came across me. I pictured myself tearing my primary school report books and scattering a few small pieces in the sea as I head to Batam tomorrow. This is not to prevent my future children from seeing my report card. I intend it to be a symbolic act of breaking away from this negative self worth because of my bad experience in primary school. Christ has already redeemed us and set us free. These acts merely act as a reminder and resolution to urge us ahead.
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.-Phil 3:13-14
I am someone who finds it hard to throw things away. It wasn't easy to tear the report books. At several points, I thought that it's also meaningful to keep it as a memory from my childhood and where God has brought me from.
Could there be a natural inclination to keep to things of the past, to stay in our comfort zone?
I pray that whenever I am tempted to feel lousy as a poor primary school student, I would look back at this symbolic act and boldly proclaim "I am a new creation in Christ!" I look forward to scattering it across the seas tomorrow morning.....
Leading my best friend to Christ
Do read the previous entry before this, it will be a double dose to the testimony of God's faithfulness!
Last Sunday, 20th Dec, was one of two evangelistic christmas services in CEFC. I often struggle in going without any pre-believing friends for such services. I invited some but none could make it. That morning in my QT, there was a sense of release from this subtle performance-based mindset. I went to church seeking to encounter God personally and was filled with joy. I sat with a sister whom I recently knew through the kid's camp.
There was a prior arrangement in the afternoon to visit my best friend from secondary school whose wife just gave birth to a baby boy (2 weeks old). We met for lunch at KFC@Jurongpoint before going to his condo. One thing led to another in the conversation and I eventually shared with him the E.cube and led him to Christ. The noisy environment around us was not a factor at all! God was present and it was a heartfelt sincere prayer my best friend uttered boldly to God. He has gone through much trials this year and God has already been working mightily. It was years ago since I started praying for him and God proved himself faithful not only to my prayers, but I am sure many of his other Christian friends as well. Am keeping him in prayer to be discipled.
If God had used me to lead someone to Christ earlier on in my walk, I would be more prideful. Today, I stand more humbled knowing that salvation belongs to our God. My faith is now more experiential, following the Hebraic understanding of the word 'Know' (that He is God).
Yesterday, I brought another secondary friend to the Mandarin Christmas Service on 24th Dec. His posture remains very guarded, but I know his heart was touched and perhaps one step closer.
By the way, after lunch at KFC, we went to his place to see the baby. It was really strange seeing a sec school friend caring for his baby! He's one of the first amongst the guys to be a parent :) We watched the movie Amazing Grace. It was fantastic! It's a great movie for a follow up, especially just after someone had received Christ :)
Praise Him.
Last Sunday, 20th Dec, was one of two evangelistic christmas services in CEFC. I often struggle in going without any pre-believing friends for such services. I invited some but none could make it. That morning in my QT, there was a sense of release from this subtle performance-based mindset. I went to church seeking to encounter God personally and was filled with joy. I sat with a sister whom I recently knew through the kid's camp.
There was a prior arrangement in the afternoon to visit my best friend from secondary school whose wife just gave birth to a baby boy (2 weeks old). We met for lunch at KFC@Jurongpoint before going to his condo. One thing led to another in the conversation and I eventually shared with him the E.cube and led him to Christ. The noisy environment around us was not a factor at all! God was present and it was a heartfelt sincere prayer my best friend uttered boldly to God. He has gone through much trials this year and God has already been working mightily. It was years ago since I started praying for him and God proved himself faithful not only to my prayers, but I am sure many of his other Christian friends as well. Am keeping him in prayer to be discipled.
If God had used me to lead someone to Christ earlier on in my walk, I would be more prideful. Today, I stand more humbled knowing that salvation belongs to our God. My faith is now more experiential, following the Hebraic understanding of the word 'Know' (that He is God).
Yesterday, I brought another secondary friend to the Mandarin Christmas Service on 24th Dec. His posture remains very guarded, but I know his heart was touched and perhaps one step closer.
By the way, after lunch at KFC, we went to his place to see the baby. It was really strange seeing a sec school friend caring for his baby! He's one of the first amongst the guys to be a parent :) We watched the movie Amazing Grace. It was fantastic! It's a great movie for a follow up, especially just after someone had received Christ :)
Praise Him.
Monday, 14 December 2009
Covenant Kidzcamp 2009-Oligopistos
The recent Kidzcamp from 10th to 12th of Dec was my “BreakThru” Weekend!
To be frank, sacrificing two days of precious leave for the Kidzcamp was not easy, but I now realise God has blessed me many times fold. Witnessing how God reached out to young tender hearts led me to a deeper realisation of how real our God is. The theme of the camp was “Don’t Worry”, “Fear Not” and “Trust Jesus”. Although there were no groundbreaking sermons preached, the message, in all its simplicity, was taught through interactive activities, games and stories. I often wonder how much of the message gets across when many children appear to be restless and not paying attention. But time after time, I am surprised by the children’s responses proving that something was deposited.
Two especially touching moments during the camp. First was during the end of an ice cream session, a P2 non-christian girl came up to me and asked me to show her the memory verses (1 Peter 5:7 and Psa 34:4) in the bible. My bible “just happen” to be lying on the table (brought it for the Amazing Race) and I showed her the verses, including John 14:6, explaining what did Jesus mean when He said he was the Truth, the Way and the Life. She was as responsive as I could ever expect from a non-christian and it felt as if I would get a straight Yes if I had popped the question of whether she wanted to accept Christ. But I held back as I thought it would be more appropriate to do it in a quieter environment and maybe use some materials targeted for children to guide her through. I asked Jade about it later and she said there would be another altar call the next morning. I was delighted and looked forward to it. By the way, she accepted Christ that next morning I am surprised by my own sense of surrender in this. I am someone who works very hard to build bridges, sensing for people’s readiness and will not hesitate to share the gospel. But I do know that in my eagerness to seek to bring people to Christ lies some hidden self-motive for merit. Especially now when the church is encouraging us to believe in God to personally bring someone to Christ, I still have nil salvations and I feel discouraged sometimes! So, I was surprised by my own sense of release when I found myself looking forward to this girl receiving Christ through the next morning altar call and not through myself! I think my vision of God’s kingdom just grew a little bigger. Still have NIL salvations, but that is perfectly alright
Next touching moment was during ministry time on the last day. A P3 boy whom I have always wanted to get to know better outside of Sunday school was in my group (God knows my heart). During ministry time when the speaker called for the children to rededicate their lives to God, I saw that he was getting ready to stand up and I slowly stood up too. My heart melted and I started to tear as he walked to my side. I placed my hand around him and prayed with him as he recommitted himself. He shared that he felt he wasn’t obedient and my heart was immensely touched by a young boy coming to this self-realisation. It’s comical how he shared with another teacher how he felt strange that he could feel happy yet tear. God manifested strongly throughout that session and I believe many children and teachers were touched. I received from God a release of my sense of performance during that session, especially as I saw the P2 girl standing up to receive Christ.
Back to the grown-up world, it’s interesting how I now sometimes see the child in people around me. Much of our personality is already formed as a child. In as much as how these children need God and increase in their knowledge and intimacy with Him, we adults are no different. The child is still very much in us!
I sometimes feel like I have missed out on so much time to know and grow in God as He found me at the age of 23. The corrupted values and habits that have been ingrained before 23 needs extra perseverance and deliverance to overcome. In one of my time with God in the morning before camp, I pictured myself like a little kid in the camp with a rested assurance knowing that God already knew me then. It’s strange but somehow I felt like I attended the camp myself as a little kid. There were actually pretty vivid visualizations (I sort of remember how I looked like as a kid, also long skinny face) of myself in a kidzcamp setting. How cool is that!
Gosh, I didn’t expect to write so much, but yes, it’s all because I have been blessed tremendously. The two days of leave couldn’t have been more well-spent. And guess what, I still have 6 days of leave left for the year remaining even after deducting those days which I will be using for a mission trip to Indonesia after Christmas.
Another fact about kidzcamp, children do wear you out, haha…..
To be frank, sacrificing two days of precious leave for the Kidzcamp was not easy, but I now realise God has blessed me many times fold. Witnessing how God reached out to young tender hearts led me to a deeper realisation of how real our God is. The theme of the camp was “Don’t Worry”, “Fear Not” and “Trust Jesus”. Although there were no groundbreaking sermons preached, the message, in all its simplicity, was taught through interactive activities, games and stories. I often wonder how much of the message gets across when many children appear to be restless and not paying attention. But time after time, I am surprised by the children’s responses proving that something was deposited.
Two especially touching moments during the camp. First was during the end of an ice cream session, a P2 non-christian girl came up to me and asked me to show her the memory verses (1 Peter 5:7 and Psa 34:4) in the bible. My bible “just happen” to be lying on the table (brought it for the Amazing Race) and I showed her the verses, including John 14:6, explaining what did Jesus mean when He said he was the Truth, the Way and the Life. She was as responsive as I could ever expect from a non-christian and it felt as if I would get a straight Yes if I had popped the question of whether she wanted to accept Christ. But I held back as I thought it would be more appropriate to do it in a quieter environment and maybe use some materials targeted for children to guide her through. I asked Jade about it later and she said there would be another altar call the next morning. I was delighted and looked forward to it. By the way, she accepted Christ that next morning I am surprised by my own sense of surrender in this. I am someone who works very hard to build bridges, sensing for people’s readiness and will not hesitate to share the gospel. But I do know that in my eagerness to seek to bring people to Christ lies some hidden self-motive for merit. Especially now when the church is encouraging us to believe in God to personally bring someone to Christ, I still have nil salvations and I feel discouraged sometimes! So, I was surprised by my own sense of release when I found myself looking forward to this girl receiving Christ through the next morning altar call and not through myself! I think my vision of God’s kingdom just grew a little bigger. Still have NIL salvations, but that is perfectly alright
Next touching moment was during ministry time on the last day. A P3 boy whom I have always wanted to get to know better outside of Sunday school was in my group (God knows my heart). During ministry time when the speaker called for the children to rededicate their lives to God, I saw that he was getting ready to stand up and I slowly stood up too. My heart melted and I started to tear as he walked to my side. I placed my hand around him and prayed with him as he recommitted himself. He shared that he felt he wasn’t obedient and my heart was immensely touched by a young boy coming to this self-realisation. It’s comical how he shared with another teacher how he felt strange that he could feel happy yet tear. God manifested strongly throughout that session and I believe many children and teachers were touched. I received from God a release of my sense of performance during that session, especially as I saw the P2 girl standing up to receive Christ.
Back to the grown-up world, it’s interesting how I now sometimes see the child in people around me. Much of our personality is already formed as a child. In as much as how these children need God and increase in their knowledge and intimacy with Him, we adults are no different. The child is still very much in us!
I sometimes feel like I have missed out on so much time to know and grow in God as He found me at the age of 23. The corrupted values and habits that have been ingrained before 23 needs extra perseverance and deliverance to overcome. In one of my time with God in the morning before camp, I pictured myself like a little kid in the camp with a rested assurance knowing that God already knew me then. It’s strange but somehow I felt like I attended the camp myself as a little kid. There were actually pretty vivid visualizations (I sort of remember how I looked like as a kid, also long skinny face) of myself in a kidzcamp setting. How cool is that!
Gosh, I didn’t expect to write so much, but yes, it’s all because I have been blessed tremendously. The two days of leave couldn’t have been more well-spent. And guess what, I still have 6 days of leave left for the year remaining even after deducting those days which I will be using for a mission trip to Indonesia after Christmas.
Another fact about kidzcamp, children do wear you out, haha…..
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Rest in God
Set aside today to reflect and journal on the past year. But before I write-up on the year, wish to journal specifically upon a subject God tutored me on during the start of the year-God's rest.
Only this year do I realise one of God's intent for the Israelites to conquer the Promised Land is to give them rest.
Deut 25:19 "When the LORD your God gives you rest from all the enemies around you in the land he is giving you to possess as an inheritance...."
Jos 21:43-45 "So the LORD gave Israel all the land he had sworn to give their forefathers, and they took possession of it and settled there. The LORD gave them rest on every side, just as he had sworn to their forefathers. Not one of their enemies withstood them; the LORD handed all their enemies over to them. Not one of all the LORD's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled."
The basis of God's rest is His love, His promises and most importantly, Jesus.
John 19:30-When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
I have heard the phrase 'We fight FROM victory', but yet I often fight from doubts, struggles and defeat. As I ended my extended QT today, there was a sense of release from the following areas:
-Need to equip myself (handling children, singing, knowledge)
-Ministry
-Evangelism, bridging bridges with friends
-Spiritual disciplines
These are positive aspirations. However, it shouldn't be pursued with a self drivenness but instead from a position of REST in God. I desire to make this my default position and I believe it will come about as I know Him more intimately. I live my life trying and doing much without fully believing and appreciating that my life is in His hands, and He is extremely concerned with me and has a purpose for me (which will come to pass).
In fact, as I am currently organising the mission trip to Pekanbaru, I can see His hand upon bringing the people together and the planning. Also, in my desire to bridge the gaps between my relationship with dad and mum, I can visibly see God's leading. Just watched the movie 2012 with parents last night and the main theme which spoke powerfully to me was the bond between father and son. Although I do not have a clear leading as to my vocation/career, I know He has a plan and He is ALREADY guiding.
Difficulty is that this paradigm shift goes against the conditioning of my life since young. It starts from primary school (I can't remember if i was competitive in my pre-school) where life is intelligence and performance driven. Maybe this is one of my primary blocks as I often share about how lousy I felt as a poor student. Until now, I still tend to feel insecure when I encounter areas of intelligence/abilities.
I thank God for revealing this so I can start the paradigm shift and am excited about the breakthroughs it will bring :)
Only this year do I realise one of God's intent for the Israelites to conquer the Promised Land is to give them rest.
Deut 25:19 "When the LORD your God gives you rest from all the enemies around you in the land he is giving you to possess as an inheritance...."
Jos 21:43-45 "So the LORD gave Israel all the land he had sworn to give their forefathers, and they took possession of it and settled there. The LORD gave them rest on every side, just as he had sworn to their forefathers. Not one of their enemies withstood them; the LORD handed all their enemies over to them. Not one of all the LORD's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled."
The basis of God's rest is His love, His promises and most importantly, Jesus.
John 19:30-When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
I have heard the phrase 'We fight FROM victory', but yet I often fight from doubts, struggles and defeat. As I ended my extended QT today, there was a sense of release from the following areas:
-Need to equip myself (handling children, singing, knowledge)
-Ministry
-Evangelism, bridging bridges with friends
-Spiritual disciplines
These are positive aspirations. However, it shouldn't be pursued with a self drivenness but instead from a position of REST in God. I desire to make this my default position and I believe it will come about as I know Him more intimately. I live my life trying and doing much without fully believing and appreciating that my life is in His hands, and He is extremely concerned with me and has a purpose for me (which will come to pass).
In fact, as I am currently organising the mission trip to Pekanbaru, I can see His hand upon bringing the people together and the planning. Also, in my desire to bridge the gaps between my relationship with dad and mum, I can visibly see God's leading. Just watched the movie 2012 with parents last night and the main theme which spoke powerfully to me was the bond between father and son. Although I do not have a clear leading as to my vocation/career, I know He has a plan and He is ALREADY guiding.
Difficulty is that this paradigm shift goes against the conditioning of my life since young. It starts from primary school (I can't remember if i was competitive in my pre-school) where life is intelligence and performance driven. Maybe this is one of my primary blocks as I often share about how lousy I felt as a poor student. Until now, I still tend to feel insecure when I encounter areas of intelligence/abilities.
I thank God for revealing this so I can start the paradigm shift and am excited about the breakthroughs it will bring :)
Monday, 26 October 2009
Day of prayer on 24th Oct
Had a transaction with God on the subject of Identity In Christ. I have read about this since the first few months of becoming a Christian, but how much of it has actualised over the past 6 years? My struggles with insecurity and lust arise from emptiness within. Much of my time is often spent on pursuing my passion on social entrepreneurship, church activities, family and friends. However, strip away all of these and what's left? The truth is that I should still have everything in Christ!
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ" Phil 3:8 (ESV)
However, these activities can often create a mist camouflaging my inner emptiness; hidden from others, and most dangerously, myself. Thus, it was refreshing to have my identify in God deeply reaffirmed during day of prayer. Ministry out of emptiness will bear no fruit.
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ" Phil 3:8 (ESV)
However, these activities can often create a mist camouflaging my inner emptiness; hidden from others, and most dangerously, myself. Thus, it was refreshing to have my identify in God deeply reaffirmed during day of prayer. Ministry out of emptiness will bear no fruit.
Thursday, 28 May 2009
6 months into work
Apologies to friends who have been faithful in coming back to my blog looking for updates as there hasn't been any for the past months. Really glad I am making the effort to share and reflect now, mainly about work (which I am glad too).
During the initial period of my job, I often felt lousy about myself because there was much I didn't know about. With 6 months of retrospect, I was real foolish and was too hard on myself. Everything was new and it's my first job, how could I expect myself to be competent? I have learned to tell my colleague who felt that I was learning slowly that she can do it, but I just can't. And it's perfectly fine! The best thing one can do for himself is to be happy with who he is and do his level-best.
Several of my friends/colleagues are curious why I joined the department. It's a far cry from my studies/research and it certainly doesn't require a PhD. It deals with legal contracts and is largely an administrative job. These comments originate from sincere concerns and I do take note of them. However, it’s often the unseen which is paramount. When work gets monotonous, I rely on the faith that there is a purpose. Values are ingrained in this season which will not happen elsewhere as I focus on my attitudes instead of the environment. I'm someone who values the learning process despite not knowing fully where the present journey is bringing me.
Having said that, while I am unsure of the route, I have aspirations in work. My desire is to make a difference through my work. For example, channeling NUS technologies to help poor people outside singapore. My mind by default is like a radar screen picking up opportunities. For example, when I hear of a rice crop with higher yields, I would immediately think about the mission trip to Indonesia and maybe bring it to them. Also example would be how technologies related to water could be used in the villages I see where people are using the same pool of water for many purposes.
It's possible to be a dreamer outside of God's will. Thus, it's critical for me to wait upon Him and be sensitive to His guidance. It makes perfect sense because ONLY His purposes shall prevail.
I am intending to write separate blog entries on different lessons I am learning through work, so stay tuned!
Take care, especially my long-distance friends (you know who you are)!
During the initial period of my job, I often felt lousy about myself because there was much I didn't know about. With 6 months of retrospect, I was real foolish and was too hard on myself. Everything was new and it's my first job, how could I expect myself to be competent? I have learned to tell my colleague who felt that I was learning slowly that she can do it, but I just can't. And it's perfectly fine! The best thing one can do for himself is to be happy with who he is and do his level-best.
Several of my friends/colleagues are curious why I joined the department. It's a far cry from my studies/research and it certainly doesn't require a PhD. It deals with legal contracts and is largely an administrative job. These comments originate from sincere concerns and I do take note of them. However, it’s often the unseen which is paramount. When work gets monotonous, I rely on the faith that there is a purpose. Values are ingrained in this season which will not happen elsewhere as I focus on my attitudes instead of the environment. I'm someone who values the learning process despite not knowing fully where the present journey is bringing me.
Having said that, while I am unsure of the route, I have aspirations in work. My desire is to make a difference through my work. For example, channeling NUS technologies to help poor people outside singapore. My mind by default is like a radar screen picking up opportunities. For example, when I hear of a rice crop with higher yields, I would immediately think about the mission trip to Indonesia and maybe bring it to them. Also example would be how technologies related to water could be used in the villages I see where people are using the same pool of water for many purposes.
It's possible to be a dreamer outside of God's will. Thus, it's critical for me to wait upon Him and be sensitive to His guidance. It makes perfect sense because ONLY His purposes shall prevail.
I am intending to write separate blog entries on different lessons I am learning through work, so stay tuned!
Take care, especially my long-distance friends (you know who you are)!
Saturday, 24 January 2009
Inside out
A recent conversation led to the contemplation of life transforming principles. I believe it was a God anointed time as I started to experience breakthroughs immediately after.
It's the principle of inside-out.
Ps Edmund Chan calls it the Red Bar (External) and the Blue Bar (Internal). In 'Mentoring Paradigms', the external is defined by our affluence or acquisition (what we have), our associations (who we know), our appearance (how we look), our abilities (what we can do) and our accomplishments (what we have done). The internal focuses on integrity, character and the posture of the surrendered soul. It is a life that seeks to grow from the inside out.
An area I struggle with is my competency. This might be a surprise to many, but I struggle with language (spelling&vocab), being eloquent, and even daily common sense/sharpness displayed by others and which I am oblivious to. Especially since I started work, this self-doubt constantly arise. Also, I find it hard to engage the children whilst serving in sunday school.
Common advise may be 'Take it easy, you're still learning', 'We are all not perfect, just accept yourself'. They are true statements, but they do not deal with the root issue. I realise I have been so caught up with the external. Whenever I feel incompetent, it's because I 1) Focus on the external 2) Compare.
I am overly concerned about the externals because I lack a deep inner life. I have always assumed my inner life is pretty alright because of my spiritual disciplines and activities, but these are simply external yardsticks. My wrestle with insecurity and incompetency reflects otherwise. This is not an easy confession, because I find pleasure when others look on to me as a 'good' Christian.
It is foolish to orientate my life towards the externals. Because it is more peripheral than central, it becomes an endless pursuit of personal achievements and people's approval. No rest can thus be found. What reference do I measure the externals against? It will either result in pride or misery. On the other hand, reference for the inward is God, the most worthy pursuit which allows for imperfection along the way!
However, say what may, the externals are inevitable aspects of our life. The externals are often channels through which one makes an impact or influence on others. We cannot negate the externals. Instead, the focus has to be on cultivating a deep inner life to anchor the externals of life. Even the most sincere intentions would crumble without a solid foundation. Thus, the approach has to be inside-out. I will continue developing my externals, but I will not feel discouraged whenever I do not meet my own expectations(no sensible references in the first place!) and always return to the foundation. I learn to say 'It's Alright!' because the external is secondary.
The inwards is more invisible. As such, if I find faults in people, it would be oriented towards the external. Since the inwards is of utmost importance, I will pray for the person's inner life instead. Whatever judgment I make is definitely skewed anyway and what rights do I have to point any fingers when I myself do the same things.
The externals do not last.
It's the principle of inside-out.
Ps Edmund Chan calls it the Red Bar (External) and the Blue Bar (Internal). In 'Mentoring Paradigms', the external is defined by our affluence or acquisition (what we have), our associations (who we know), our appearance (how we look), our abilities (what we can do) and our accomplishments (what we have done). The internal focuses on integrity, character and the posture of the surrendered soul. It is a life that seeks to grow from the inside out.
An area I struggle with is my competency. This might be a surprise to many, but I struggle with language (spelling&vocab), being eloquent, and even daily common sense/sharpness displayed by others and which I am oblivious to. Especially since I started work, this self-doubt constantly arise. Also, I find it hard to engage the children whilst serving in sunday school.
Common advise may be 'Take it easy, you're still learning', 'We are all not perfect, just accept yourself'. They are true statements, but they do not deal with the root issue. I realise I have been so caught up with the external. Whenever I feel incompetent, it's because I 1) Focus on the external 2) Compare.
I am overly concerned about the externals because I lack a deep inner life. I have always assumed my inner life is pretty alright because of my spiritual disciplines and activities, but these are simply external yardsticks. My wrestle with insecurity and incompetency reflects otherwise. This is not an easy confession, because I find pleasure when others look on to me as a 'good' Christian.
It is foolish to orientate my life towards the externals. Because it is more peripheral than central, it becomes an endless pursuit of personal achievements and people's approval. No rest can thus be found. What reference do I measure the externals against? It will either result in pride or misery. On the other hand, reference for the inward is God, the most worthy pursuit which allows for imperfection along the way!
However, say what may, the externals are inevitable aspects of our life. The externals are often channels through which one makes an impact or influence on others. We cannot negate the externals. Instead, the focus has to be on cultivating a deep inner life to anchor the externals of life. Even the most sincere intentions would crumble without a solid foundation. Thus, the approach has to be inside-out. I will continue developing my externals, but I will not feel discouraged whenever I do not meet my own expectations(no sensible references in the first place!) and always return to the foundation. I learn to say 'It's Alright!' because the external is secondary.
The inwards is more invisible. As such, if I find faults in people, it would be oriented towards the external. Since the inwards is of utmost importance, I will pray for the person's inner life instead. Whatever judgment I make is definitely skewed anyway and what rights do I have to point any fingers when I myself do the same things.
The externals do not last.
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
2 weeks into my 'professional' life
It's been a humbling journey. I have swung from being confident in making a difference in work to fear of being a bad testimony.
Just yesterday, a colleague was teaching me how not to include certain things in emails so as not to reflect badly of the department. Also, am needing guidance on basic matters. M is willing to guide and help me, but I suspect I do not portray the outward competence of a PhD graduate. That is OK :)
Much of Christian talk surrounds worldiness, how people are after the wrong things in life and self-centered. This has caused a critical spirit in me and I have elevated myself, thinking that I am better because I have made a better choice and am not self-centered. However, dealing with more people in the office have opened my myopic eyes to realise that there is more love and care in the world than I thought.
In fact, according to Romans 2, the person whom I view as selfish is actually myself. Perhaps my way of dealing with my own ugliness is to project it unto others-an area I need to repent of and come back to God. I have no rights to judge or even condemn a person's actions or words, therefore there is no need to cast any opinions. I believe that would help me to be more at ease and joyful in the office.
Just yesterday, a colleague was teaching me how not to include certain things in emails so as not to reflect badly of the department. Also, am needing guidance on basic matters. M is willing to guide and help me, but I suspect I do not portray the outward competence of a PhD graduate. That is OK :)
Much of Christian talk surrounds worldiness, how people are after the wrong things in life and self-centered. This has caused a critical spirit in me and I have elevated myself, thinking that I am better because I have made a better choice and am not self-centered. However, dealing with more people in the office have opened my myopic eyes to realise that there is more love and care in the world than I thought.
In fact, according to Romans 2, the person whom I view as selfish is actually myself. Perhaps my way of dealing with my own ugliness is to project it unto others-an area I need to repent of and come back to God. I have no rights to judge or even condemn a person's actions or words, therefore there is no need to cast any opinions. I believe that would help me to be more at ease and joyful in the office.
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
Start of work!
December is a quiet time to start work as many people are not around. As much as I am prepared to go full string straight away, I suspect the initial pace will be slow. Am thankful for the car as it probably saves me 2 hours daily. My initial plan to take public transport first may have been me trying to be ‘legalistic’ in being thrifty and not fully appreciating God’s blessings. I thank God for a job which suits my interests and for a nice supervisor and colleagues.
It’s time to put into practice what’s in my head. Seeking the approval of God and not men (no excuse for bosses). Even though I have not started work work, I already feel the need to perform and examine my abilities, or worse, to pit them against others. What a curse of the flesh! However, I no longer live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit in Christ!
A recent flip on the CD player led me to Ps Edmund’s sermon on ‘Work’. I was reminded to excel in my work, like Daniel who came out tops in one of the most secular environments in the ancient world. I already caught myself looking at the watch yesterday towards the end of the day and that isn’t the right attitude, hehe. Lord, rid any sense of legalism if I spend much time on work, for it’s a calling as holy as serving in church or evangelism. In fact, there shouldn’t be any divide at all. Just as the Son is in the Father and I am in the Son, all that I do should be one. Beneath the problem of burn-out lies the issue of competence. Lord, grant me the humility to accept the level of performance in which I can give.
Will be interesting to see what I have learnt in the next few months.
It’s time to put into practice what’s in my head. Seeking the approval of God and not men (no excuse for bosses). Even though I have not started work work, I already feel the need to perform and examine my abilities, or worse, to pit them against others. What a curse of the flesh! However, I no longer live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit in Christ!
A recent flip on the CD player led me to Ps Edmund’s sermon on ‘Work’. I was reminded to excel in my work, like Daniel who came out tops in one of the most secular environments in the ancient world. I already caught myself looking at the watch yesterday towards the end of the day and that isn’t the right attitude, hehe. Lord, rid any sense of legalism if I spend much time on work, for it’s a calling as holy as serving in church or evangelism. In fact, there shouldn’t be any divide at all. Just as the Son is in the Father and I am in the Son, all that I do should be one. Beneath the problem of burn-out lies the issue of competence. Lord, grant me the humility to accept the level of performance in which I can give.
Will be interesting to see what I have learnt in the next few months.
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Kung Fu Panda
The DVD is out! Bought it immediately and watched it with a few friends. It's absolutely full of gems.
Some of the main obvious themes: Destiny, Believe, Focus.
Upon reflection, realise that there were so many deep truths to uncover. Shifu discovered the tactic to train the Panda, using food. During the finale of the training, Shifu placed a bowl of dumplings and told the Panda 'You are free to eat' but snatched it away when he tried. In frustration, the Panda said 'AM I??' and Shifu's reply 'ARE YOU??' (Perhaps true freedom is not wanting what we want). Then they started fighting for the last dumpling. Eventually, the Panda won, but instead gave the dumpling back to Shifu and said 'I am not hungry.'
'Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life...'-John 6:27. I desire to seek God Himself, not His power nor even my own transformation. 'Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.'-John 6:35. I believe as I encounter the person of Jesus Himself, even seemingly godly things that I pursue will fade away for He truly satisfies. Like Panda, I'll gladly give up the dumpling as I have caught the big picture.
When the Panda confronted Shifu on how he is going to transform him, Shifu wrestled with himself and finally confessed 'I don't know!'. Coming to a place without any answers is perfectly fine! I want to learn how to say 'I don't know' when I have no answers and only preach what I practice.
The world gravitate towards charisma and abilities. Everyone (except WuGuai) was shocked that a Panda, a clumsy fellow with a gigantic tummy is the dragon warrior. God's ways are above ours and He chooses the weak to shame the strong. Shifu felt discouraged initially because he was trapped within his own expectations of his own disciples that he had been training for years. Wu Guai led him to surrender his illusion of control to release him to simply believe. Eventually, the Panda defeated TaiLong not in the usual arena of martial art skills, but literally his own gigantic tummy! We do not wage war as the world does and our fight is not against flesh and blood. The Panda won because he realised that there were no secret ingredients and who he was was what he had and needed. Thank God for our identity in Christ, our all sufficiency.
'There is no accident' can simply be a mere comfort statement. However, if anchored upon BELIEF in a sovereign God who works everything for the good of those who love Him, we realise that there are indeed no accidents as He fulfills His destiny in us. Something I caught from breakthrough weekend recently is that everyone messes up and we seem to take a ridiculously long time to learn and be transformed. Again, that is perfectly fine! I will continue to mess up, but as I grow in my intimacy with Him, I will realise that the simple faith and His grace is sufficient.
Tailong was driven by bitterness and power, with an underdyling need to know how proud Shifu was of him. Shifu shared how proud he was of Tailong from the beginning and how his pride and love blinded him of what Tailong was turning into. He then apologised and there was a glimpse of Tailong being touched before his anger overtook him again. Being driven by insecurity will led us to nowhere, pursuing a scroll which contains nothing. I have already been blessed with every spiritual blessing.
'Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."'-John 6:29.
Quotes
'There are no accidents'
'You are too concerned with what's what and what will be. There is a saying, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift-that is why it is called Present'
'That is bad news IF you do NOT believe that the dragon warrior can stop him'
'The panda will never fulfill his destiny nor yours until you let go the illusion of CONTROL'
'Look at this tree, I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time'
'Maybe it can, if you are willing to guide it, no nurture it, to BELIEVE it'
'But I need your help master!'....'No...you just need to believe'
'Whatever I did I did to make you proud, tell me how proud you are, TELL ME!'
'There is no secret ingredient'
'To make something special, you just have to believe that it's special'
Some of the main obvious themes: Destiny, Believe, Focus.
Upon reflection, realise that there were so many deep truths to uncover. Shifu discovered the tactic to train the Panda, using food. During the finale of the training, Shifu placed a bowl of dumplings and told the Panda 'You are free to eat' but snatched it away when he tried. In frustration, the Panda said 'AM I??' and Shifu's reply 'ARE YOU??' (Perhaps true freedom is not wanting what we want). Then they started fighting for the last dumpling. Eventually, the Panda won, but instead gave the dumpling back to Shifu and said 'I am not hungry.'
'Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life...'-John 6:27. I desire to seek God Himself, not His power nor even my own transformation. 'Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.'-John 6:35. I believe as I encounter the person of Jesus Himself, even seemingly godly things that I pursue will fade away for He truly satisfies. Like Panda, I'll gladly give up the dumpling as I have caught the big picture.
When the Panda confronted Shifu on how he is going to transform him, Shifu wrestled with himself and finally confessed 'I don't know!'. Coming to a place without any answers is perfectly fine! I want to learn how to say 'I don't know' when I have no answers and only preach what I practice.
The world gravitate towards charisma and abilities. Everyone (except WuGuai) was shocked that a Panda, a clumsy fellow with a gigantic tummy is the dragon warrior. God's ways are above ours and He chooses the weak to shame the strong. Shifu felt discouraged initially because he was trapped within his own expectations of his own disciples that he had been training for years. Wu Guai led him to surrender his illusion of control to release him to simply believe. Eventually, the Panda defeated TaiLong not in the usual arena of martial art skills, but literally his own gigantic tummy! We do not wage war as the world does and our fight is not against flesh and blood. The Panda won because he realised that there were no secret ingredients and who he was was what he had and needed. Thank God for our identity in Christ, our all sufficiency.
'There is no accident' can simply be a mere comfort statement. However, if anchored upon BELIEF in a sovereign God who works everything for the good of those who love Him, we realise that there are indeed no accidents as He fulfills His destiny in us. Something I caught from breakthrough weekend recently is that everyone messes up and we seem to take a ridiculously long time to learn and be transformed. Again, that is perfectly fine! I will continue to mess up, but as I grow in my intimacy with Him, I will realise that the simple faith and His grace is sufficient.
Tailong was driven by bitterness and power, with an underdyling need to know how proud Shifu was of him. Shifu shared how proud he was of Tailong from the beginning and how his pride and love blinded him of what Tailong was turning into. He then apologised and there was a glimpse of Tailong being touched before his anger overtook him again. Being driven by insecurity will led us to nowhere, pursuing a scroll which contains nothing. I have already been blessed with every spiritual blessing.
'Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."'-John 6:29.
Quotes
'There are no accidents'
'You are too concerned with what's what and what will be. There is a saying, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift-that is why it is called Present'
'That is bad news IF you do NOT believe that the dragon warrior can stop him'
'The panda will never fulfill his destiny nor yours until you let go the illusion of CONTROL'
'Look at this tree, I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time'
'Maybe it can, if you are willing to guide it, no nurture it, to BELIEVE it'
'But I need your help master!'....'No...you just need to believe'
'Whatever I did I did to make you proud, tell me how proud you are, TELL ME!'
'There is no secret ingredient'
'To make something special, you just have to believe that it's special'
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)