God, I have been unable to focus on my research this week. It's not because of any pressing issues I am currently facing, but it's a inner restlessness. Be the centre Lord.
In recent conversations with friends in Singapore, they all had common motivations, money being a big one. Lord, it's not up to me to preach to them about their ladder being placed on the wrong wall. Lord, I seek repentence for the pride in me in thinking I am better because I chose You and I am leading my life the right way. Lord, You chose me. Even though so many peers are building up their life, but like Saul, you can convert them anytime and whatever preparation you have put in their past will be used for your glory. Melt my heart with your love Lord, to be a genuine friend to others and thanks for that practical word of considering others better than myself.
People think life is all sorted out for me, especialy with my Phd. They do not know how I am seeking you for a direction for my future. Lord, many times I claim that this Phd is for your glory, a testimony of how a reject from NTU can return home with a doctorate. Thus Lord, help me to run the last lap with an awareness that you are there when I write my thesis and do my experiments.
'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'-Jeremiah 33:3. Thank you Lord for your reassurance.
Wednesday 29 August 2007
Sunday 26 August 2007
God is the chair of worship
Led worship at NCCC today. I met Francis Luckcock, who preached today, at a seminar we both attended last week. During the seminar, I meant to ask him what God laid upon his heart to preach so I could pick suitable worship songs for it. However, it just didn’t happen, perhaps I was too engrossed (with the food :p) during the lunch interval and the subject didn’t surface in my mind while speaking to him. After the seminar was over and when it came back to my mind, I was like ‘Alamak! Forgot to ask!’ I decided to step out in faith, believing that God is sovereign and He would guide. I was immensely touched several times during the sermon when I realised that there were many common ground between the worship and preaching-Our spiritual inheritance as a family, righteousness through faith in Jesus. There was even a common verse being read, Matt 5:20. I realise that God’s guidance doesn’t necessarily need to come with a ‘bang’ or obvious indication. In fact, I realise that while preparing for the worship, it felt like it was based on my own thoughts, but now I see that God so subtlety guided me. He was working with me, or should I say I was working with Him :) Though I was standing up there today, God is the real chair of the worship for He orchestrated the whole thing.
Even before the worship, I was already seeing God work. When asking for musicians, I sent out emails to various people and one of them is a guy who has not been to NCCC for a long time. He replied in an email saying thanks for not leaving him out. Although he wasn’t able to make it today because he went camping, I am glad I remembered him and its amazing how just a little thought and email can encourage someone. Really thankful and appreciative for Kevin who was on the guitar today. He was so willing to help out from the start when I asked him. Also, despite a late night, he drove 45 minutes to get to worship practice this morning which started at 9:30am, and he arrived exactly on the spot. Was good to see Richard, a good brother whom I have not seen for a while ;) Good to know that he will be coming back to Nottingham in over a week’s time. Worship practice went so smoothly, much faster than I thought. Had time to spare to have a nice lunch in the garden and chit-chat. Managed to set-up earlier than usual in church and it helps to not have to rush about.
Usually, when I am on projector duties, I would be so concerned about the projector, setting it up in time for 1pm, checking whether the projection is on the screen. Today, 10 minutes before the service, the projector has not even arrived yet. I was so surprised that I didn’t panic! My focus at that time was right, it was on God. In my mind, I thought ‘So what if there is no projector, we could possibly use the laptop screen. The aim is to worship God and a projector will not stop us from doing so’.
This is the first worship I led where I could really sense a much closer manifestation of the Spirit’s presence working in me. At times, I forgot what I wanted to say next. I didn’t panic and simply took my time. Periods of silence doesn’t kill! It was alright even if I didn’t follow entirely what I set out to do. The best thing a worship leader can do is to worship God himself at the same time while leading. I do not think worship leading is my area of gifting, but that doesn't stop me from helping out. It's amazing how I can have the courage to stand in front to lead a group of people to sing when I have only been in a KTV once in my life! Feel pretty embarassed about this actually, hehe.
People’s encouragement after the service is a true indication that my prayers for today’s service has been answered. That’s the point of today’s whole service-for God to draw close. Lord, open my heart to be joyful to see people drawing close and coming back to You. Even after the service, I was greatly encouraged. I realised that Lena, who was playing the piano, was playing for the Cantonese service as well after being through a morning of worship practice and english service in the afternoon. I don’t play the piano, so I don’t know how demanding it is to be on it for hours, but I can imagine it’s quite tiring. I was greatly humbled and encouraged. Also, I am greatly encouraged by a couple in church whom I can see are making a deliberate effort to spend time with people, to ask them how they are and to pray for them.
Praise God for the family I have at NCCC.
Even before the worship, I was already seeing God work. When asking for musicians, I sent out emails to various people and one of them is a guy who has not been to NCCC for a long time. He replied in an email saying thanks for not leaving him out. Although he wasn’t able to make it today because he went camping, I am glad I remembered him and its amazing how just a little thought and email can encourage someone. Really thankful and appreciative for Kevin who was on the guitar today. He was so willing to help out from the start when I asked him. Also, despite a late night, he drove 45 minutes to get to worship practice this morning which started at 9:30am, and he arrived exactly on the spot. Was good to see Richard, a good brother whom I have not seen for a while ;) Good to know that he will be coming back to Nottingham in over a week’s time. Worship practice went so smoothly, much faster than I thought. Had time to spare to have a nice lunch in the garden and chit-chat. Managed to set-up earlier than usual in church and it helps to not have to rush about.
Usually, when I am on projector duties, I would be so concerned about the projector, setting it up in time for 1pm, checking whether the projection is on the screen. Today, 10 minutes before the service, the projector has not even arrived yet. I was so surprised that I didn’t panic! My focus at that time was right, it was on God. In my mind, I thought ‘So what if there is no projector, we could possibly use the laptop screen. The aim is to worship God and a projector will not stop us from doing so’.
This is the first worship I led where I could really sense a much closer manifestation of the Spirit’s presence working in me. At times, I forgot what I wanted to say next. I didn’t panic and simply took my time. Periods of silence doesn’t kill! It was alright even if I didn’t follow entirely what I set out to do. The best thing a worship leader can do is to worship God himself at the same time while leading. I do not think worship leading is my area of gifting, but that doesn't stop me from helping out. It's amazing how I can have the courage to stand in front to lead a group of people to sing when I have only been in a KTV once in my life! Feel pretty embarassed about this actually, hehe.
People’s encouragement after the service is a true indication that my prayers for today’s service has been answered. That’s the point of today’s whole service-for God to draw close. Lord, open my heart to be joyful to see people drawing close and coming back to You. Even after the service, I was greatly encouraged. I realised that Lena, who was playing the piano, was playing for the Cantonese service as well after being through a morning of worship practice and english service in the afternoon. I don’t play the piano, so I don’t know how demanding it is to be on it for hours, but I can imagine it’s quite tiring. I was greatly humbled and encouraged. Also, I am greatly encouraged by a couple in church whom I can see are making a deliberate effort to spend time with people, to ask them how they are and to pray for them.
Praise God for the family I have at NCCC.
Thursday 23 August 2007
On anger
Though anger is often directed towards someone, I believe in most cases, it isn't personal. But people often take it personal and it evolves into a vicious cycle.
When someone is angry, he is hurting. The hurt comes from within first and foremost. Unfortunately, it is often directed towards others.
A natural approach in dealing with someone angry is to be defensive, probably because it is perceived as personal and defensiveness is also a form of insecurity. After getting past that emotional spike, maybe one would start to rationalise the reasons for getting angry. I am one person who analyses alot. In difficult situations, I would contemplate on the rightness/wrongness aspect.
What would Jesus do?
Maybe He would look beyond the anger to see the hurt within. Compassion isn't about facts, but standing in the place of the one who is suffering. Considering my self-centerness and prejudices, it requires humbling myself and a glimpse into God's heart. It's been a while since I weeped for the lost or someone who is hurting because I have been full of myself and distracted by personal issues.
From Michael W Smith 'Second decade' album-Live the Life
For the world to know the truth
There can be no greater proof
Than to live the life, live the life
Theres no love thats quite as pure
Theres no pain we cant endure
If we live the life, live the life
Be a light for all to see
For every act of love will set you free
Lord, continue to break my heart and set it free to love.
When someone is angry, he is hurting. The hurt comes from within first and foremost. Unfortunately, it is often directed towards others.
A natural approach in dealing with someone angry is to be defensive, probably because it is perceived as personal and defensiveness is also a form of insecurity. After getting past that emotional spike, maybe one would start to rationalise the reasons for getting angry. I am one person who analyses alot. In difficult situations, I would contemplate on the rightness/wrongness aspect.
What would Jesus do?
Maybe He would look beyond the anger to see the hurt within. Compassion isn't about facts, but standing in the place of the one who is suffering. Considering my self-centerness and prejudices, it requires humbling myself and a glimpse into God's heart. It's been a while since I weeped for the lost or someone who is hurting because I have been full of myself and distracted by personal issues.
From Michael W Smith 'Second decade' album-Live the Life
For the world to know the truth
There can be no greater proof
Than to live the life, live the life
Theres no love thats quite as pure
Theres no pain we cant endure
If we live the life, live the life
Be a light for all to see
For every act of love will set you free
Lord, continue to break my heart and set it free to love.
Tuesday 21 August 2007
People needs to be understood
It's not about right or wrong.
There was a breakthrough with a close friend during lunch today. I make efforts to spend time alone with him, but in recent months, it often do not turn out well. There is this sense of frustration. He is going through some tough times with his fiancee and her parents. I confess that I have been impatient with him many many times and it has built up over the months. Whether or not I have a good reason to be impatient does not matter. It's not about right or wrong, fact is I have been impatient with him.
As we were walking to the foodcourt for lunch today, he again shared about the frustration he has with his fiancee. After listening for a couple of minutes, I offered a suggestion. It was met with a familiar response 'You do not understand me! You think you are smarter than my parents?' In my mind, I was like 'Here we go again...' Man, we have not even bought our food yet! When giving thanks for lunch, I desperately prayed for God to intervene, to give me wisdom and patience. I realise I did not understand the situation fully before offering the suggestion. There was this part in me which wanted to jump at his blown up response to a mere suggestion. As I tried to explain things, I realise that it would get nowhere. God started to change my heart and I began to listen, not to his words, but to his pain. For an instance, I saw his suffering through God's heart.
He needed to be understood first and foremost. It doesn't matter whether his attitudes are right or wrong-that's where I believe I always failed. I often try to change him. Many times I saw his frustration as a result of things he hold so tightly to and it's been 'Mission impossible' to try to get him to let go. I have failed miserably, leading to frustration. I am now reminded that I cannot change people, only God can. Moreover, in wanting to change him according to my own definition (no matter how right I feel it is), I am claiming that I know it all and am perfect.
Love comes before rationalisation. It's a human tendancy to analyse and reason things out, but it's not always about the right/wrong attitude.
'Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.'-1 cor 13:4-7.
I really thank God for opening my heart to see this-it's a valuable lesson. It's a first step in being a friend that will make a difference. Many people are not looking for answers, but to be understood and loved.
'No matter how right I am beforehand, the moment I get angry or lose my patience, I am wrong'
There was a breakthrough with a close friend during lunch today. I make efforts to spend time alone with him, but in recent months, it often do not turn out well. There is this sense of frustration. He is going through some tough times with his fiancee and her parents. I confess that I have been impatient with him many many times and it has built up over the months. Whether or not I have a good reason to be impatient does not matter. It's not about right or wrong, fact is I have been impatient with him.
As we were walking to the foodcourt for lunch today, he again shared about the frustration he has with his fiancee. After listening for a couple of minutes, I offered a suggestion. It was met with a familiar response 'You do not understand me! You think you are smarter than my parents?' In my mind, I was like 'Here we go again...' Man, we have not even bought our food yet! When giving thanks for lunch, I desperately prayed for God to intervene, to give me wisdom and patience. I realise I did not understand the situation fully before offering the suggestion. There was this part in me which wanted to jump at his blown up response to a mere suggestion. As I tried to explain things, I realise that it would get nowhere. God started to change my heart and I began to listen, not to his words, but to his pain. For an instance, I saw his suffering through God's heart.
He needed to be understood first and foremost. It doesn't matter whether his attitudes are right or wrong-that's where I believe I always failed. I often try to change him. Many times I saw his frustration as a result of things he hold so tightly to and it's been 'Mission impossible' to try to get him to let go. I have failed miserably, leading to frustration. I am now reminded that I cannot change people, only God can. Moreover, in wanting to change him according to my own definition (no matter how right I feel it is), I am claiming that I know it all and am perfect.
Love comes before rationalisation. It's a human tendancy to analyse and reason things out, but it's not always about the right/wrong attitude.
'Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.'-1 cor 13:4-7.
I really thank God for opening my heart to see this-it's a valuable lesson. It's a first step in being a friend that will make a difference. Many people are not looking for answers, but to be understood and loved.
'No matter how right I am beforehand, the moment I get angry or lose my patience, I am wrong'
Thursday 16 August 2007
Purpose of bible studies
Sometimes we lose the essence of things when they are done on a regular basis. Tonight I am reminded of the purpose of bible studies. I attend a bible study group from the chinese church called Barnabas fellowship on a regular basis. This evening, I was contemplating whether to spend the time to prepare a bible study which I’m leading in SR on Friday instead of attending Barnabas. In the past, I sometimes attend because of commitment, i.e, simply being faithful. Though it’s not wrong, but it helps to go one step beyond, knowing why I am attending these bible studies. It’s not about wanting to win any ‘Attendance award’, it’s about God, fullstop.
So if I were to prepare for the bible study and not go for Barnabas tonight, I would not have felt guilty, because I would have been investing time in helping to point others and myself to God. It was an issue of priorities instead-am I doing too much outside of research? Someone recently commented that he thought my Phd was a hobby as I seem to be involved with stuff outside research most of the time.
I read the passage that was going to be covered tonight and it surrounded one of the spiritual topics I am currently examining-evil spirits. So I simply made up my mind to attend Barnabas with a specific aim to know more about this area, especially looking forward to hear opinions from a pastor who usually goes as well.
As I was driving out of the university, I saw a rainbow and got encouraged :) Next comes the test…when I arrived at the church, I realised that the pastor’s car wasn’t there! I found myself thinking of whether to drive back to the university! Had to remind myself that it’s all about God, nothing else. Not the size of the group or the people in the group. God speaks, not man, and He can speak through anybody.
Amazingly, I picked up one important illustration which is relevant to Friday’s bible study from this evening’s Barnabas. Also, without me specifically sharing about my desire to know more about evil spirits, tonight’s discussion dealt a lot with that area. Although there’s still a lot I am still trying to get to grips to, I gained from tonight’s discussion. Along with all that, it was a good time of seeking the Lord and being united in the body of Christ.
Thank God for tonight’s Barnabas :)
So if I were to prepare for the bible study and not go for Barnabas tonight, I would not have felt guilty, because I would have been investing time in helping to point others and myself to God. It was an issue of priorities instead-am I doing too much outside of research? Someone recently commented that he thought my Phd was a hobby as I seem to be involved with stuff outside research most of the time.
I read the passage that was going to be covered tonight and it surrounded one of the spiritual topics I am currently examining-evil spirits. So I simply made up my mind to attend Barnabas with a specific aim to know more about this area, especially looking forward to hear opinions from a pastor who usually goes as well.
As I was driving out of the university, I saw a rainbow and got encouraged :) Next comes the test…when I arrived at the church, I realised that the pastor’s car wasn’t there! I found myself thinking of whether to drive back to the university! Had to remind myself that it’s all about God, nothing else. Not the size of the group or the people in the group. God speaks, not man, and He can speak through anybody.
Amazingly, I picked up one important illustration which is relevant to Friday’s bible study from this evening’s Barnabas. Also, without me specifically sharing about my desire to know more about evil spirits, tonight’s discussion dealt a lot with that area. Although there’s still a lot I am still trying to get to grips to, I gained from tonight’s discussion. Along with all that, it was a good time of seeking the Lord and being united in the body of Christ.
Thank God for tonight’s Barnabas :)
A wife's role
Read a friend’s blog today and she shared her perception of being a wife. One point which struck me was the fact that she saw her role as a wife as one who supports her husband in what God has called him to do. It echoed in my heart and brought me to examine how far have I gone with seeking God’s calling for me.
Having a better sense of where God wants me to go would provide more confidence in my future relationship. Marriage doesn’t exist for itself, I believe wholeheartedly that it can be such a powerful channel for God to work through as one supports the other. It would also provide my partner with more assurance in choosing whether I am the right one.
Don’t simply look for the right one-Be the right one.
And also, there is a time for everything :)
Having a better sense of where God wants me to go would provide more confidence in my future relationship. Marriage doesn’t exist for itself, I believe wholeheartedly that it can be such a powerful channel for God to work through as one supports the other. It would also provide my partner with more assurance in choosing whether I am the right one.
Don’t simply look for the right one-Be the right one.
And also, there is a time for everything :)
Thursday 2 August 2007
Transformers the movie
I often gain alot from movies, even the bad ones. Watched Transformers (by Michael Bay) after church, and God continued to minister to me powerfully through the movie.
It's a typical good VS bad storyline. The Autobots, led by Optimus Prime, are the good guys protecting mankind from being destroyed by the evil Decepticons, led by Megatron. The visual effects were amazing, watching cars do emergency brakes and transforming into robots simultaneouly. Sam (played by Shia Labeouf), is this teenager whose first car is actually an Autobot. Just like many other male teenagers, he wanted a car to get the girls, haha.
What really struck me was the need for a SAVIOUR. Despite the busyness and activities of everyday life, many people are meandering through life, not really knowing what they are doing. We are a lost and confused generation, we need hope, a worthy example to follow. It's natural to look to ourselves for an answer, but it can't be found in our careers or even sincere desires to 'do good'. We really are needy beings, full of weaknesses and mistakes. We need a lord and saviour.
There were many sacrificial acts in the movie. My favourite phrase was, 'No sacrifice, no victory'. I love to take short-cuts and find the easiest path through life. But there are some goals which cannot be attained without sacrifices. Journey with God will be hard if I expect a smooth ride. I often get discouraged because I am not where I want to be. Am learning how to wrestle with God and have tasted how sweet the victory can be afterwards if I persevere long enough. Watching band of brothers too, a world war 2 movie and am reminded of spiritual warfare. It takes training, knowing who the enemy is and lots of discomfort. An autobot told Sam at one point, 'You are a soilder now'
Some of the Autobots were complaining to Opotimus Prime why did they have to go through so much to save mankind, with all their evil. It is worth it? The leader's reply was 'Were we any different?' He added later 'I have witnessed their capacity for courage'.
Decepticons were the name given to the evil guys. Likewise, Satan is the father of lies and one of his greatest weapon is deception :)
At the start of the movie, Sam tried to get a hot girl into his car. Though not an appropriate context, but one of his line was '50 years from now don't you want to look back and say you got into the car?' In the decisions I have to make now, it will be useful to evaluate them with a mindset of the future. There are some decisions which I know it's the right one but am afraid of making it because it brings me too far out of my comfort zone. I do not want to look back 10 years later and regret not taking that step of faith.
Be blessed.
It's a typical good VS bad storyline. The Autobots, led by Optimus Prime, are the good guys protecting mankind from being destroyed by the evil Decepticons, led by Megatron. The visual effects were amazing, watching cars do emergency brakes and transforming into robots simultaneouly. Sam (played by Shia Labeouf), is this teenager whose first car is actually an Autobot. Just like many other male teenagers, he wanted a car to get the girls, haha.
What really struck me was the need for a SAVIOUR. Despite the busyness and activities of everyday life, many people are meandering through life, not really knowing what they are doing. We are a lost and confused generation, we need hope, a worthy example to follow. It's natural to look to ourselves for an answer, but it can't be found in our careers or even sincere desires to 'do good'. We really are needy beings, full of weaknesses and mistakes. We need a lord and saviour.
There were many sacrificial acts in the movie. My favourite phrase was, 'No sacrifice, no victory'. I love to take short-cuts and find the easiest path through life. But there are some goals which cannot be attained without sacrifices. Journey with God will be hard if I expect a smooth ride. I often get discouraged because I am not where I want to be. Am learning how to wrestle with God and have tasted how sweet the victory can be afterwards if I persevere long enough. Watching band of brothers too, a world war 2 movie and am reminded of spiritual warfare. It takes training, knowing who the enemy is and lots of discomfort. An autobot told Sam at one point, 'You are a soilder now'
Some of the Autobots were complaining to Opotimus Prime why did they have to go through so much to save mankind, with all their evil. It is worth it? The leader's reply was 'Were we any different?' He added later 'I have witnessed their capacity for courage'.
Decepticons were the name given to the evil guys. Likewise, Satan is the father of lies and one of his greatest weapon is deception :)
At the start of the movie, Sam tried to get a hot girl into his car. Though not an appropriate context, but one of his line was '50 years from now don't you want to look back and say you got into the car?' In the decisions I have to make now, it will be useful to evaluate them with a mindset of the future. There are some decisions which I know it's the right one but am afraid of making it because it brings me too far out of my comfort zone. I do not want to look back 10 years later and regret not taking that step of faith.
Be blessed.
Wednesday 1 August 2007
God in business
One of Tim Hughes's song, 'Everything', is centered on God being in every aspect of our lives.
All along, I saw my interest in technopreneurship (technology+business) as somewhat independent from my faith. The most I could muster was perhaps offering my profits (if any :p ) to Him and being a witness in the workplace. Nothing wrong with that, but I am beginning to see a new horizon-something bigger.
After the mission trip, I got a glimpse of the practicality in evangelism. It goes a step beyond knowing the bible and being able to argue or explain who God is clearly. It's about practical steps-bringing the gospel OUT and making Christ KNOWN.
The last time I went back to Singapore, I spoke to this ex-convict on probation working in the coffeeshop my Dad is involved in. It's part of a program called Yellow ribbon where people from prison get a new lease of work opportunities. I recently heard of Breakthrough at people's park, which is doing something similiar I believe.
A pastor we were working with in Portugal came to pick us up wearing a T-shirt labelled 'Prison fellowship'. He once said, 'If this guy kills someone, he will be my friend.', refering to a random person on the street. If Jesus were here right now, I guess we could see him heading straight for the prisons wouldn't him? It's about making a practical difference-bringing HOPE to people.
I guess even imprinting bible verses on bubble tea cups would make a difference. Maybe a cafe with a focus different from others? The possibilities are only limited by what God can do :)
Please pray with me for God to open my eyes to the needs out there and for radical aspirations to turn all that He has put in my life into blessings for others.
All along, I saw my interest in technopreneurship (technology+business) as somewhat independent from my faith. The most I could muster was perhaps offering my profits (if any :p ) to Him and being a witness in the workplace. Nothing wrong with that, but I am beginning to see a new horizon-something bigger.
After the mission trip, I got a glimpse of the practicality in evangelism. It goes a step beyond knowing the bible and being able to argue or explain who God is clearly. It's about practical steps-bringing the gospel OUT and making Christ KNOWN.
The last time I went back to Singapore, I spoke to this ex-convict on probation working in the coffeeshop my Dad is involved in. It's part of a program called Yellow ribbon where people from prison get a new lease of work opportunities. I recently heard of Breakthrough at people's park, which is doing something similiar I believe.
A pastor we were working with in Portugal came to pick us up wearing a T-shirt labelled 'Prison fellowship'. He once said, 'If this guy kills someone, he will be my friend.', refering to a random person on the street. If Jesus were here right now, I guess we could see him heading straight for the prisons wouldn't him? It's about making a practical difference-bringing HOPE to people.
I guess even imprinting bible verses on bubble tea cups would make a difference. Maybe a cafe with a focus different from others? The possibilities are only limited by what God can do :)
Please pray with me for God to open my eyes to the needs out there and for radical aspirations to turn all that He has put in my life into blessings for others.
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