Birmingham Chinese Evangelical Church

Just back from a weekend away in Birmingham. Stayed with Ezra, Edith and Alethia. Know a few other people there too, and was especially thankful to be able to catch up with Kenneth again. Daniel, if you're reading this, you were mentioned and thought of!

Though short, but I was truly encouraged this weekend. It's a testimony of how God answers prayers (for a mentor) and divine appointments where authentic relationships are found through just meeting a few times.

Most things are caught and not taught. Am thankful for the opportunity to be in the midst of Ezra and Edith's family, to witness how they love and live with each other and cope with Alethia's situation. Conversations with them often surround other people with a true concern and otherness. Conversations can sometimes be about commenting on others, on personal weaknesses or difficult circumstances. But it's different with Ezra and Edith. Certainly caught the spirit of looking at what's good and right instead of dwelling on what's bad. There are enough people and our ownselves (as the main culprit) in being critical and the world needs more people to say positive things.

When I saw Kenneth, was reminded of God's goodness during my time in Boston. Knowing him and spending a few days with his family was a blessing. Though I didn't keep in touch with him much after I returned to UK, but I thank God for bringing him back to my thoughts and heart today.

Amongst the many things which I learned, God spoke powerfully to me through this verse:

1 John 3:19-20
'This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.'

Beginning to renew my mind whenever I habour self-critical thoughts and am beginning to sense a breakthrough as I apply the truth that God knows everything and is greater than my heart! Repentance is about the renewing of mind. It started when Ezra shared about this issue after he prayed for me on Sat night and I continued to allow God to speak into my heart on Sunday and actively apply it.

Update

When you run the 400m, you make a last turn before you give it your all for the last straight sprint. I feel like I am just at the last turn in my Phd. Another intensive writing for 2 weeks and I can ease off while I wait for supervisors to read and make corrections after. Current plan is to return to Singapore on 10th March.

Updated CV and saw a career advisor today who was happy with my CV. Planning to send it off to DSO soon. I believe God spoke to me about DSO, so I will apply.

When I first came back from Singapore, it was on the subject of daily obedience. Recently the subject of relying on God's strength has been in my heart. How easy it can seem to be relying on God but in actual fact we are using Him instead. Relying on Him will cast away any anxiety. To deal with sin not with mere will power from our flesh, but live in victory because I am cleansed by His word. Woke up this morning to a fresh revelation of His grace after stumbling in a repeated sin.

Yesterday, Francis gave me a word, 'Stepping stone'. What's ahead is not an end by itself but a preparation for something bigger. I am still so young! Have to learn to be patient and not try to do too much too fast. It's a mixed feeling of excitment and uncertainty which causes me to simply trust God that He has already laid out the path for me.

Be blessed.

'Hidden agenda'

It's been almost a month since I returned to UK to complete my thesis. God has been good. Am more aware of how He watches over the little things in my life and answers prayers. My thesis writing have been smooth, feel like I am cutting corners in some areas, but I trust that there is sufficient material and that God would grant me success. Recently, Karen, another singaporean Phd student in economics passed her Viva (Well done Karen!). She was told that the Phd would be awarded at the start of the examination, which is not common even if the examiner already had such intentions. My first reaction was that 'God is so amazing!'. Was surprised at my own reaction, that I did not feel the least envious. I trust that my time would come in God's providence.

I just read something which sums up an area in my heart over the past weeks.

From 'Learning at the crossroads' from Neil Hood.
'Ambition is not the problem, but what fuels it and directs it can be. Sorting out the complexitiy of our motives is not easy because of the presence of sin. At best we are broken and flawed people under reconstruction. Even a short time spent in self-examination reveals that our intentions are seldom totally pure. It's then that our expertise in disguising our real ambition kicks in, often clothed in high-sounding and creative spiritual language.'

Without coming to a clear grasp that I can do NOTHING to become more 'Christian' and that it is solely through grace that I am all I am, my life will be hindered by fleshy toil leading to empty striving and totally missing out on God.

Learning how to intercede for people and pray for the world as I read more of the news. Man..it's just clicks away, got no excuse!