Was certain about DSO

As I receive the rejection from DSO (Defense Science Organisation), I reflect upon how sure I was that it was God-directed. So much so that I did not really apply for other jobs. All comes back to the big question of hearing from God. Don't think I will find a complete answer on this side of eternity, but one thing I have learnt is never to be boastfully sure. But faith is to be SURE of what is unseen right? I see it now as a tension between faith and mercy.

James 4:13-16
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

I used to think that praying 'If it is the Lord's will' reflects doubt despite having read this verse before. There is more for me to understand and apply this truth. For now, I believe that one's assurance can lie in self, not realising God's underlying mercy and grace. My confidence in DSO was largely based on the fact that I was a Singaporean with a PhD. It's tricky too, because confidence in God extends to confidence in self too. Reminds me of the centrality of our identify in Christ. Maybe I should learn how to pray 'If it's Your will Lord.....' (confidently).

Impressions in my heart

Just got back after visiting some Covenenters in Avon Park. While going for my swim this evening, I came across two children at the pool. When I gently pushed a drifting float back towards them, they mustered a synchronised 'Thank You'. I had an impression in my heart that they could be the children of the Covenenters (Kong Yeow and Catherine) I was about to meet tonight. Lo and behold, I saw them again tonight.

Realise that the impressions I get in my heart sometimes are from God. Learning how to tune in to them. As I reflect, realise there is no key in listening from God, it's simply walking close with Him, being still and listening.

A prayer

Real you are my Lord and God
Otherwise things will not
Be the way they are today
So forgive me Lord
For doubts and lack of faith

Into your love I come afresh
Freeing myself from all legalism
Even things I want to do for you
Seem so fruitless inspite of prayers
So let my prayers rise to a new level
And put first things first

Free me beyond my web of introspection
To love You and consider others
And surrender the pride of perfection
To walk in weakness and overcoming failures
Tuning myself in dependency on You