It's been a humbling journey. I have swung from being confident in making a difference in work to fear of being a bad testimony.
Just yesterday, a colleague was teaching me how not to include certain things in emails so as not to reflect badly of the department. Also, am needing guidance on basic matters. M is willing to guide and help me, but I suspect I do not portray the outward competence of a PhD graduate. That is OK :)
Much of Christian talk surrounds worldiness, how people are after the wrong things in life and self-centered. This has caused a critical spirit in me and I have elevated myself, thinking that I am better because I have made a better choice and am not self-centered. However, dealing with more people in the office have opened my myopic eyes to realise that there is more love and care in the world than I thought.
In fact, according to Romans 2, the person whom I view as selfish is actually myself. Perhaps my way of dealing with my own ugliness is to project it unto others-an area I need to repent of and come back to God. I have no rights to judge or even condemn a person's actions or words, therefore there is no need to cast any opinions. I believe that would help me to be more at ease and joyful in the office.
Tuesday 23 December 2008
Wednesday 10 December 2008
Start of work!
December is a quiet time to start work as many people are not around. As much as I am prepared to go full string straight away, I suspect the initial pace will be slow. Am thankful for the car as it probably saves me 2 hours daily. My initial plan to take public transport first may have been me trying to be ‘legalistic’ in being thrifty and not fully appreciating God’s blessings. I thank God for a job which suits my interests and for a nice supervisor and colleagues.
It’s time to put into practice what’s in my head. Seeking the approval of God and not men (no excuse for bosses). Even though I have not started work work, I already feel the need to perform and examine my abilities, or worse, to pit them against others. What a curse of the flesh! However, I no longer live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit in Christ!
A recent flip on the CD player led me to Ps Edmund’s sermon on ‘Work’. I was reminded to excel in my work, like Daniel who came out tops in one of the most secular environments in the ancient world. I already caught myself looking at the watch yesterday towards the end of the day and that isn’t the right attitude, hehe. Lord, rid any sense of legalism if I spend much time on work, for it’s a calling as holy as serving in church or evangelism. In fact, there shouldn’t be any divide at all. Just as the Son is in the Father and I am in the Son, all that I do should be one. Beneath the problem of burn-out lies the issue of competence. Lord, grant me the humility to accept the level of performance in which I can give.
Will be interesting to see what I have learnt in the next few months.
It’s time to put into practice what’s in my head. Seeking the approval of God and not men (no excuse for bosses). Even though I have not started work work, I already feel the need to perform and examine my abilities, or worse, to pit them against others. What a curse of the flesh! However, I no longer live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit in Christ!
A recent flip on the CD player led me to Ps Edmund’s sermon on ‘Work’. I was reminded to excel in my work, like Daniel who came out tops in one of the most secular environments in the ancient world. I already caught myself looking at the watch yesterday towards the end of the day and that isn’t the right attitude, hehe. Lord, rid any sense of legalism if I spend much time on work, for it’s a calling as holy as serving in church or evangelism. In fact, there shouldn’t be any divide at all. Just as the Son is in the Father and I am in the Son, all that I do should be one. Beneath the problem of burn-out lies the issue of competence. Lord, grant me the humility to accept the level of performance in which I can give.
Will be interesting to see what I have learnt in the next few months.
Wednesday 26 November 2008
Kung Fu Panda
The DVD is out! Bought it immediately and watched it with a few friends. It's absolutely full of gems.
Some of the main obvious themes: Destiny, Believe, Focus.
Upon reflection, realise that there were so many deep truths to uncover. Shifu discovered the tactic to train the Panda, using food. During the finale of the training, Shifu placed a bowl of dumplings and told the Panda 'You are free to eat' but snatched it away when he tried. In frustration, the Panda said 'AM I??' and Shifu's reply 'ARE YOU??' (Perhaps true freedom is not wanting what we want). Then they started fighting for the last dumpling. Eventually, the Panda won, but instead gave the dumpling back to Shifu and said 'I am not hungry.'
'Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life...'-John 6:27. I desire to seek God Himself, not His power nor even my own transformation. 'Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.'-John 6:35. I believe as I encounter the person of Jesus Himself, even seemingly godly things that I pursue will fade away for He truly satisfies. Like Panda, I'll gladly give up the dumpling as I have caught the big picture.
When the Panda confronted Shifu on how he is going to transform him, Shifu wrestled with himself and finally confessed 'I don't know!'. Coming to a place without any answers is perfectly fine! I want to learn how to say 'I don't know' when I have no answers and only preach what I practice.
The world gravitate towards charisma and abilities. Everyone (except WuGuai) was shocked that a Panda, a clumsy fellow with a gigantic tummy is the dragon warrior. God's ways are above ours and He chooses the weak to shame the strong. Shifu felt discouraged initially because he was trapped within his own expectations of his own disciples that he had been training for years. Wu Guai led him to surrender his illusion of control to release him to simply believe. Eventually, the Panda defeated TaiLong not in the usual arena of martial art skills, but literally his own gigantic tummy! We do not wage war as the world does and our fight is not against flesh and blood. The Panda won because he realised that there were no secret ingredients and who he was was what he had and needed. Thank God for our identity in Christ, our all sufficiency.
'There is no accident' can simply be a mere comfort statement. However, if anchored upon BELIEF in a sovereign God who works everything for the good of those who love Him, we realise that there are indeed no accidents as He fulfills His destiny in us. Something I caught from breakthrough weekend recently is that everyone messes up and we seem to take a ridiculously long time to learn and be transformed. Again, that is perfectly fine! I will continue to mess up, but as I grow in my intimacy with Him, I will realise that the simple faith and His grace is sufficient.
Tailong was driven by bitterness and power, with an underdyling need to know how proud Shifu was of him. Shifu shared how proud he was of Tailong from the beginning and how his pride and love blinded him of what Tailong was turning into. He then apologised and there was a glimpse of Tailong being touched before his anger overtook him again. Being driven by insecurity will led us to nowhere, pursuing a scroll which contains nothing. I have already been blessed with every spiritual blessing.
'Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."'-John 6:29.
Quotes
'There are no accidents'
'You are too concerned with what's what and what will be. There is a saying, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift-that is why it is called Present'
'That is bad news IF you do NOT believe that the dragon warrior can stop him'
'The panda will never fulfill his destiny nor yours until you let go the illusion of CONTROL'
'Look at this tree, I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time'
'Maybe it can, if you are willing to guide it, no nurture it, to BELIEVE it'
'But I need your help master!'....'No...you just need to believe'
'Whatever I did I did to make you proud, tell me how proud you are, TELL ME!'
'There is no secret ingredient'
'To make something special, you just have to believe that it's special'
Some of the main obvious themes: Destiny, Believe, Focus.
Upon reflection, realise that there were so many deep truths to uncover. Shifu discovered the tactic to train the Panda, using food. During the finale of the training, Shifu placed a bowl of dumplings and told the Panda 'You are free to eat' but snatched it away when he tried. In frustration, the Panda said 'AM I??' and Shifu's reply 'ARE YOU??' (Perhaps true freedom is not wanting what we want). Then they started fighting for the last dumpling. Eventually, the Panda won, but instead gave the dumpling back to Shifu and said 'I am not hungry.'
'Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life...'-John 6:27. I desire to seek God Himself, not His power nor even my own transformation. 'Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.'-John 6:35. I believe as I encounter the person of Jesus Himself, even seemingly godly things that I pursue will fade away for He truly satisfies. Like Panda, I'll gladly give up the dumpling as I have caught the big picture.
When the Panda confronted Shifu on how he is going to transform him, Shifu wrestled with himself and finally confessed 'I don't know!'. Coming to a place without any answers is perfectly fine! I want to learn how to say 'I don't know' when I have no answers and only preach what I practice.
The world gravitate towards charisma and abilities. Everyone (except WuGuai) was shocked that a Panda, a clumsy fellow with a gigantic tummy is the dragon warrior. God's ways are above ours and He chooses the weak to shame the strong. Shifu felt discouraged initially because he was trapped within his own expectations of his own disciples that he had been training for years. Wu Guai led him to surrender his illusion of control to release him to simply believe. Eventually, the Panda defeated TaiLong not in the usual arena of martial art skills, but literally his own gigantic tummy! We do not wage war as the world does and our fight is not against flesh and blood. The Panda won because he realised that there were no secret ingredients and who he was was what he had and needed. Thank God for our identity in Christ, our all sufficiency.
'There is no accident' can simply be a mere comfort statement. However, if anchored upon BELIEF in a sovereign God who works everything for the good of those who love Him, we realise that there are indeed no accidents as He fulfills His destiny in us. Something I caught from breakthrough weekend recently is that everyone messes up and we seem to take a ridiculously long time to learn and be transformed. Again, that is perfectly fine! I will continue to mess up, but as I grow in my intimacy with Him, I will realise that the simple faith and His grace is sufficient.
Tailong was driven by bitterness and power, with an underdyling need to know how proud Shifu was of him. Shifu shared how proud he was of Tailong from the beginning and how his pride and love blinded him of what Tailong was turning into. He then apologised and there was a glimpse of Tailong being touched before his anger overtook him again. Being driven by insecurity will led us to nowhere, pursuing a scroll which contains nothing. I have already been blessed with every spiritual blessing.
'Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."'-John 6:29.
Quotes
'There are no accidents'
'You are too concerned with what's what and what will be. There is a saying, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift-that is why it is called Present'
'That is bad news IF you do NOT believe that the dragon warrior can stop him'
'The panda will never fulfill his destiny nor yours until you let go the illusion of CONTROL'
'Look at this tree, I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time'
'Maybe it can, if you are willing to guide it, no nurture it, to BELIEVE it'
'But I need your help master!'....'No...you just need to believe'
'Whatever I did I did to make you proud, tell me how proud you are, TELL ME!'
'There is no secret ingredient'
'To make something special, you just have to believe that it's special'
Monday 24 November 2008
After breakthrough weekend
Just came back from Covenant's breakthrough weekend. It's different from the Encounter weekends I attended in UK. Breakthrough Wkend was less structured with ample time for rest, personal solitude and group time.
Went to the weekend wanting simply to have a personal encounter with God (Simple faith).
Two weeks leading up to the weekend, my walk with God was more aligned through two areas from Andrew Murray's 'Abide in me', namely resting on the complete work of the cross and not my own spiritual strivings (Simple Faith) and depending on God's grace for living the victorious Christian life each passing moment at a time (Moment-by-moment Faith) instead of bearing the worries of tomorrow and fear of not being a perfect Christian for the rest of my life.
On the first night, Ps Edmund Chan asked those who believe that God was present to raise up their hands. I raised up mine without looking around or waiting for others and I thank God and celebrate that. Without that desire to build up that Simple Faith and God's preparation, those convicted hands might not have gone up. The statement 'A breakthrough is possible for me NOW' blessed me tremendously. It demonstrates how God has already been speaking to me and the weekend served as a round-up. During the altar call, I was focused on the finished work on the cross which made whatever breakthroughs possible.
An issue stood out when we were dealing with our history. It has to do with my poor self-worth because of my poor academic abilities. I experienced traumatic experiences in primary school because I was one of the poorest student. Until today, memories of me crying in class and how I feared teachers still remain. I could run and jump on Sports Day, but could not study. I remember my athletes teacher giving me a banner to encourage me in my studies because I was quite known for my poor academic results. I was posted to Chung Cheng High School (Branch), a below average school with only 2 Express classes. After which I was intending to attend Polytechnic, but had 16 points which enabled me to get into a JC. I was allocated Serangoon JC and appealed to get into Tampiness JC. My mindset is 'I had to appeal even to get into a JC near the bottom of the rankings'. I failed to get into NTU and went overseas. I did well in university and got offered a scholarship to do a PhD which I took up. It ended with a loud bang as my external examiner was from Imperial College and he noted that my thesis was one of the best he had ever read.
I used to feel something churning within whenever I hear or meet people from top schools. I often get envious of people whom I consider to be sharp and intellectual. After I became a Christian, my consolation was that these people do not know God and I do. However, I then struggled whenever I encountered godly people who are from top schools. Whenever someone mentions about being a lecturer, my instant reaction would be to share how academically weak I am. Whenever people marvel at my Phd, I feel a contradiction within and misunderstood.
Throughout my PhD, I know that the PhD was entirely from and of God. I reminded myself not to complain about my weaknesses since God is making a DR out of me. However, when I shared about this with my group during breakthrough weekend, I felt a sense of release and layers started to peel. I found myself again in awe of God's grace and love. When Ps Kai spoke about pride on Sat night, I realised that my sense of low self-esteem was rooted in the pride of wanting to be the best. I felt a sense of freedom as I started to renew my mind, that 'It's OK to not be the best'. Compared to many others who did not even attend JC, how can I say I am helpless at academia. More importantly, now that God has blessed me with this PhD with an ending which is exceedingly more than I imagined, how can I choose to reside in my pride of comparison and envy.
During the group time, I also confessed my sexual struggles on a deeper level as I ever had before. I experienced God's grace and love through the group as I felt accepted nonetheless. Through this breakthrough weekend, I realise on a deeper level the importance of a close community to share my life closely with.
I also applied the remove and replace principle in my struggle with pride with others. Instead of simply struggling to consider others better than myself (remove pride part), whenever I chose to realise how great a destiny God has for every individual (replace part), the comparison goes and there is a sense of joy.
All in all, I know I have met God in this breakthrough weekend.
Went to the weekend wanting simply to have a personal encounter with God (Simple faith).
Two weeks leading up to the weekend, my walk with God was more aligned through two areas from Andrew Murray's 'Abide in me', namely resting on the complete work of the cross and not my own spiritual strivings (Simple Faith) and depending on God's grace for living the victorious Christian life each passing moment at a time (Moment-by-moment Faith) instead of bearing the worries of tomorrow and fear of not being a perfect Christian for the rest of my life.
On the first night, Ps Edmund Chan asked those who believe that God was present to raise up their hands. I raised up mine without looking around or waiting for others and I thank God and celebrate that. Without that desire to build up that Simple Faith and God's preparation, those convicted hands might not have gone up. The statement 'A breakthrough is possible for me NOW' blessed me tremendously. It demonstrates how God has already been speaking to me and the weekend served as a round-up. During the altar call, I was focused on the finished work on the cross which made whatever breakthroughs possible.
An issue stood out when we were dealing with our history. It has to do with my poor self-worth because of my poor academic abilities. I experienced traumatic experiences in primary school because I was one of the poorest student. Until today, memories of me crying in class and how I feared teachers still remain. I could run and jump on Sports Day, but could not study. I remember my athletes teacher giving me a banner to encourage me in my studies because I was quite known for my poor academic results. I was posted to Chung Cheng High School (Branch), a below average school with only 2 Express classes. After which I was intending to attend Polytechnic, but had 16 points which enabled me to get into a JC. I was allocated Serangoon JC and appealed to get into Tampiness JC. My mindset is 'I had to appeal even to get into a JC near the bottom of the rankings'. I failed to get into NTU and went overseas. I did well in university and got offered a scholarship to do a PhD which I took up. It ended with a loud bang as my external examiner was from Imperial College and he noted that my thesis was one of the best he had ever read.
I used to feel something churning within whenever I hear or meet people from top schools. I often get envious of people whom I consider to be sharp and intellectual. After I became a Christian, my consolation was that these people do not know God and I do. However, I then struggled whenever I encountered godly people who are from top schools. Whenever someone mentions about being a lecturer, my instant reaction would be to share how academically weak I am. Whenever people marvel at my Phd, I feel a contradiction within and misunderstood.
Throughout my PhD, I know that the PhD was entirely from and of God. I reminded myself not to complain about my weaknesses since God is making a DR out of me. However, when I shared about this with my group during breakthrough weekend, I felt a sense of release and layers started to peel. I found myself again in awe of God's grace and love. When Ps Kai spoke about pride on Sat night, I realised that my sense of low self-esteem was rooted in the pride of wanting to be the best. I felt a sense of freedom as I started to renew my mind, that 'It's OK to not be the best'. Compared to many others who did not even attend JC, how can I say I am helpless at academia. More importantly, now that God has blessed me with this PhD with an ending which is exceedingly more than I imagined, how can I choose to reside in my pride of comparison and envy.
During the group time, I also confessed my sexual struggles on a deeper level as I ever had before. I experienced God's grace and love through the group as I felt accepted nonetheless. Through this breakthrough weekend, I realise on a deeper level the importance of a close community to share my life closely with.
I also applied the remove and replace principle in my struggle with pride with others. Instead of simply struggling to consider others better than myself (remove pride part), whenever I chose to realise how great a destiny God has for every individual (replace part), the comparison goes and there is a sense of joy.
All in all, I know I have met God in this breakthrough weekend.
Tuesday 11 November 2008
'Abide in me'
Starting on the 10 days of meditation leading to my first Breakthrough Weekend. First day is about yielding to God. Also reading Andrew Murray's 'Abide in Christ' and I have been blessed.
I could memorise hundreds of bible verses, spend hours of QT daily, spread the gospel to every stranger I see, yet not have an intimate relationship with God. Strangely though, aren't these meant to be the outworking of my faith? I realise I have been too caught up with the form and missed Christ. Funny thing is I have always considered myself to be one who is focused on the heart of the matter. Yet my insecurities and distracted mind reflect a lack of restedness within which can only come through abiding in Christ.
Andrew Murray writes
'Abiding in Him is not a work that we have to do as the condition for enjoying His salvation, but a consenting to let Him do all for us, and in us, and through us. Our part is simply to yield, to trust, and to wait for what He has engaged to perform.'
'And if the question is asked, 'But surely there is something for us to do?' the answer is, 'Our doing and working are but the fruit of Christ's work in us.' It is when the soul becomes utterly passive, looking and resting on what Christ is to do, that its energies are stirred to their highest activity, that we work most effectively because we know that He works in us.'
In much of my thoughts and discussions with people, I feel there is sometimes this invisible drift towards our efforts in being a Christian. Perhaps my mind gets distracted because of the tons of things I plan to do, even seemingly good things like MyHope Singapore, strengthening friendships. Jesus told his disciples not to be amazed at the fact they can cast out demons but rejoice that their names are written in the book of life. To abide in Christ, that's ALL I need to do. Perhaps I should not even use the word 'need to do', but to yield to Him.
I could memorise hundreds of bible verses, spend hours of QT daily, spread the gospel to every stranger I see, yet not have an intimate relationship with God. Strangely though, aren't these meant to be the outworking of my faith? I realise I have been too caught up with the form and missed Christ. Funny thing is I have always considered myself to be one who is focused on the heart of the matter. Yet my insecurities and distracted mind reflect a lack of restedness within which can only come through abiding in Christ.
Andrew Murray writes
'Abiding in Him is not a work that we have to do as the condition for enjoying His salvation, but a consenting to let Him do all for us, and in us, and through us. Our part is simply to yield, to trust, and to wait for what He has engaged to perform.'
'And if the question is asked, 'But surely there is something for us to do?' the answer is, 'Our doing and working are but the fruit of Christ's work in us.' It is when the soul becomes utterly passive, looking and resting on what Christ is to do, that its energies are stirred to their highest activity, that we work most effectively because we know that He works in us.'
In much of my thoughts and discussions with people, I feel there is sometimes this invisible drift towards our efforts in being a Christian. Perhaps my mind gets distracted because of the tons of things I plan to do, even seemingly good things like MyHope Singapore, strengthening friendships. Jesus told his disciples not to be amazed at the fact they can cast out demons but rejoice that their names are written in the book of life. To abide in Christ, that's ALL I need to do. Perhaps I should not even use the word 'need to do', but to yield to Him.
Sunday 5 October 2008
Getting involved in Sunbeam
Feel werid at the moment. Helped out for the first time in sunday school for primary school children-Sunbeam.
I feel it's where the rubber hits the road. Above all my intellectual discussion of God's love, Sunbeam is where I am forced to walk the talk. J shared with me 'It's not about controlling the children, but communicating with them'. It really helped alot to shift my perspective from my own inexperience to deal with children to simply seeing them from God's perspective. Some were really rebellious and naughty!
With children, one has to talk the initiative, i.e., talking to children even when they do not respond!
Am not entirely sure if Sunbeam is the place where I should serve, but it will certainly force me to depend on God (and thus walking the talk). I do not have a bubbly nature and so I will just have to let go of myself and focus on making a difference in the lives of the children. God, lead and guide me.
I feel it's where the rubber hits the road. Above all my intellectual discussion of God's love, Sunbeam is where I am forced to walk the talk. J shared with me 'It's not about controlling the children, but communicating with them'. It really helped alot to shift my perspective from my own inexperience to deal with children to simply seeing them from God's perspective. Some were really rebellious and naughty!
With children, one has to talk the initiative, i.e., talking to children even when they do not respond!
Am not entirely sure if Sunbeam is the place where I should serve, but it will certainly force me to depend on God (and thus walking the talk). I do not have a bubbly nature and so I will just have to let go of myself and focus on making a difference in the lives of the children. God, lead and guide me.
Wednesday 1 October 2008
Email to friends: Reflection from news
Email sent to friends:
One cannot make sense of what's happening around the world these days. Events beyond anyone's wildest imagination are occuring at alarming rates with global impacts.
We are caught unaware and unprepared. Our perspectives change because life may not seem so secure after all. Plans change because of the year end bonus. If the largest banks in the world can collapse, how can one pin life (fulfillment, enjoyment, etc) on the condominium and the one million that we plan to make in the future? Well, maybe with proper planning and under the wings of the government, we will not be so 'suay' to land ourselves into deep troubles. But can one offer any guarantees that Singapore will stay the way it is even in the next 5, 10, 20 years? Are we 100% safe from devastating earthquakes? One lesson to be learnt even in the recent years of the world's history is 'Never say never'.
One question we should ask is 'What exactly is certain then?'. Conversations often carry sacarsm and relationships tinted by the lack of absolute trust because we have all been biten by deception-what's seen is not what it really is. Our world is gravitated towards the exterior when it's the credibility of the interior that matters.
I cannot help but feel there is something amiss in this world. Maybe others sense it too and if so how do they cope with it? I guess an easy option would be to accept it as part of life and not think about it. It's scary how most people live through a routine and not pause to think about life itself outside work, family and relationships. We are created too wonderful a creature to be incidental here on earth to lead a routine life.
The beginning of a wiser perspective to life is to be aware of the frailty of this world and life itself without losing the significance we were made to be.
One cannot make sense of what's happening around the world these days. Events beyond anyone's wildest imagination are occuring at alarming rates with global impacts.
We are caught unaware and unprepared. Our perspectives change because life may not seem so secure after all. Plans change because of the year end bonus. If the largest banks in the world can collapse, how can one pin life (fulfillment, enjoyment, etc) on the condominium and the one million that we plan to make in the future? Well, maybe with proper planning and under the wings of the government, we will not be so 'suay' to land ourselves into deep troubles. But can one offer any guarantees that Singapore will stay the way it is even in the next 5, 10, 20 years? Are we 100% safe from devastating earthquakes? One lesson to be learnt even in the recent years of the world's history is 'Never say never'.
One question we should ask is 'What exactly is certain then?'. Conversations often carry sacarsm and relationships tinted by the lack of absolute trust because we have all been biten by deception-what's seen is not what it really is. Our world is gravitated towards the exterior when it's the credibility of the interior that matters.
I cannot help but feel there is something amiss in this world. Maybe others sense it too and if so how do they cope with it? I guess an easy option would be to accept it as part of life and not think about it. It's scary how most people live through a routine and not pause to think about life itself outside work, family and relationships. We are created too wonderful a creature to be incidental here on earth to lead a routine life.
The beginning of a wiser perspective to life is to be aware of the frailty of this world and life itself without losing the significance we were made to be.
Thursday 25 September 2008
Was certain about DSO
As I receive the rejection from DSO (Defense Science Organisation), I reflect upon how sure I was that it was God-directed. So much so that I did not really apply for other jobs. All comes back to the big question of hearing from God. Don't think I will find a complete answer on this side of eternity, but one thing I have learnt is never to be boastfully sure. But faith is to be SURE of what is unseen right? I see it now as a tension between faith and mercy.
James 4:13-16
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
I used to think that praying 'If it is the Lord's will' reflects doubt despite having read this verse before. There is more for me to understand and apply this truth. For now, I believe that one's assurance can lie in self, not realising God's underlying mercy and grace. My confidence in DSO was largely based on the fact that I was a Singaporean with a PhD. It's tricky too, because confidence in God extends to confidence in self too. Reminds me of the centrality of our identify in Christ. Maybe I should learn how to pray 'If it's Your will Lord.....' (confidently).
James 4:13-16
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
I used to think that praying 'If it is the Lord's will' reflects doubt despite having read this verse before. There is more for me to understand and apply this truth. For now, I believe that one's assurance can lie in self, not realising God's underlying mercy and grace. My confidence in DSO was largely based on the fact that I was a Singaporean with a PhD. It's tricky too, because confidence in God extends to confidence in self too. Reminds me of the centrality of our identify in Christ. Maybe I should learn how to pray 'If it's Your will Lord.....' (confidently).
Monday 1 September 2008
Impressions in my heart
Just got back after visiting some Covenenters in Avon Park. While going for my swim this evening, I came across two children at the pool. When I gently pushed a drifting float back towards them, they mustered a synchronised 'Thank You'. I had an impression in my heart that they could be the children of the Covenenters (Kong Yeow and Catherine) I was about to meet tonight. Lo and behold, I saw them again tonight.
Realise that the impressions I get in my heart sometimes are from God. Learning how to tune in to them. As I reflect, realise there is no key in listening from God, it's simply walking close with Him, being still and listening.
Realise that the impressions I get in my heart sometimes are from God. Learning how to tune in to them. As I reflect, realise there is no key in listening from God, it's simply walking close with Him, being still and listening.
A prayer
Real you are my Lord and God
Otherwise things will not
Be the way they are today
So forgive me Lord
For doubts and lack of faith
Into your love I come afresh
Freeing myself from all legalism
Even things I want to do for you
Seem so fruitless inspite of prayers
So let my prayers rise to a new level
And put first things first
Free me beyond my web of introspection
To love You and consider others
And surrender the pride of perfection
To walk in weakness and overcoming failures
Tuning myself in dependency on You
Otherwise things will not
Be the way they are today
So forgive me Lord
For doubts and lack of faith
Into your love I come afresh
Freeing myself from all legalism
Even things I want to do for you
Seem so fruitless inspite of prayers
So let my prayers rise to a new level
And put first things first
Free me beyond my web of introspection
To love You and consider others
And surrender the pride of perfection
To walk in weakness and overcoming failures
Tuning myself in dependency on You
Saturday 30 August 2008
Human 'BEING', not Human 'DOING'
It's has not been easy in the past few weeks as I am settling back home. I have been impatient and critical with my parents and brother. Also, before I got called for an interview with DSO, I felt aimless at times when I was at home lazing around and spending alot of time watching Olympics. I am one who do not like to sit around and do nothing, even if it means resting.
It's better now and I am also learning to be more patient with my parents. God is also starting to break through into my parent's lives and I pray that they will break with hinderances in their lives.
This verse came to mind as I am writing this.
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth." - Psa 46:10
Lord, in my rush to make more effective use of time, help me to be still and know you are God.
It's better now and I am also learning to be more patient with my parents. God is also starting to break through into my parent's lives and I pray that they will break with hinderances in their lives.
This verse came to mind as I am writing this.
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth." - Psa 46:10
Lord, in my rush to make more effective use of time, help me to be still and know you are God.
Tuesday 5 August 2008
A new beginning in Covenant with dawn prayers
Just two weeks after returning to Singapore, I have firmed up my decision to worship at Covenant Evangelical Free Church. I am thankful that God has confirmed my initial inclination to choose this church over the church (Grace Assembly) which my parents worship at.
First heard of this church when the senior pastor, Edmund Chan, conducted an Intentional Discipleship Making Conference in UK in Jan 2007. My first time to the church center in Bukit Panjiang was in June 2008 when I was back in Singapore for a holiday. God already started to speak to me about making Covenant my spiritual home.
When I eventually returned to Singapore for good in mid July, I knew it was time to make a firm decision. My heart was torn because part of me wanted to worship at the same church as my parents as I wanted very much for us as a family to grow together spiritually. But I felt that Covenant is a place where I can build a deep foundation. After attending the service at Covenant on 27th July, I made the firm decision to settle in Covenant and told my parents about it. I am thankful that they are open to my decision, though I sensed that they would have liked me to stay at Grace Assembly. It was during that same service where I first heard about dawn prayers, where the church would gather together every morning for an entire week from 6am to 7:30am to pray. I was excited about this excellent opportunity to seek God at a deeper level and committed myself to it. It was also an opportunity to get my messed up bio clock right.
Came monday morning and I was actually 15min early despite only a few hours of sleep. It really felt strange, going to church at 5:45am! I was reminded of a verse I read the night before, '...these I will bring to my holy mountain and give them JOY in my house of prayer..' (Isa 56:7). I smiled at the ushers with a warm smile, and the Lord gave me joy as I entered His santuary. During worship, I shifted myself to the inner seats as the place was being filled. It was only after worship where I discovered that a couple (Donn and Meihua) who came to sit beside me were people whom I just met the day before. It was nice to pray with some familiar faces. Ps Edmund Chan shared about his burden that now is the season which Covenant is to be a witnessing church. I was so thankful for that! Witnessing has always been my heartbeat. It was very precious because God was assuring me of the choice I made about Covenant. It felt somewhat strange too. Though my heart resonated with the direction the church is intentionally advancing towards, I only knew a handful of people and I felt like a little fish in a brand new ocean. The service I attended in UK only had 20-30 people average. Later on in the afternoon, I received a text from Donn saying that my prayer spoke some things about decisions he and Meihua had to make. I seldom receive such feedback about the accuracy of my prayers and so I was pondering over how did it come about. In my heart, I heard the answer, 'Holy Spirit'. In my QT that night and next morning, bible verses and thoughts were anchored on the same subject, the Holy Spirit.
Tuesday. Although Ps Tony did not explicitly speak about the Holy Spirit, but it was centered on the areas enabled and empowered by the Holy Spirit. God spoke before man spoke. Prayed with Jeremy and Soon Tiang.
Wednesday. Ps Ann spoke about God security. I was surprised because I assumed that many there would have gone through breakthrough weekend, etc. Was reminded that this is an ongoing daily victory to be claimed. I started to see the continuity in the talks and appreciated the fact that God brought the church back to personal revival and not just the outward mobilisation of the church for witnessing. Prayed with Alvin and York Foong. 30th July was also my birthday and honestly, I was looking forward to a nice breakfast with someone I am starting to know better. But I was thankful that it didn't happen because I spent the morning with God in the balancony of the new place I shifted to.
Thursday. Again, transacted with God during dawn prayers. A day of divine appointments. Helped to clean the new center in Woodlands. Arrived 5 min late and my mop and vacumn cleaner caught the attention of a few, including Ps Tony who immediately assigned me to Ps Kai and a few others to the main santuary. There, I met Sharon, who helped me with IDMC registration. Danesh had his camera with him and one of my first words to him were 'Nice camera'. I shared that I recently purchased a DSLR and he asked me if I wanted to take some photographs on Sunday, not knowing that I was already intending to ask Ps Tony if he needed any photographers for Sunday. During a break, I sat down on a table where Ps Tony introduced me to May, Shawn, Angela and Shirley, saying that they are in his cell group. When I found out that they meet around my area, I immediately asked if I could join them. It was just a few days ago where I submitted a request at connections corners to be put in a cell around Potong Pasir. So the same day when I took my first step into the new center, I was given an opportunity to serve and a CG. Gave Ps Kai a lift home as he stayed only a few minutes away from me. I was deeply touched because as I was sharing about my brother, I could sense his sincere concern as my brother is going through depression. Before dropping him off, I asked him, 'Are you going for dawn prayers tomorrow?', with an intention of wanting to give him a lift. I realised how stupid it was to ask a pastor if he's going to church.
Friday. Before picking him up, I had the impression that Ps Kai would be speaking. During the journey, he was continously asking about me and my brother. He was thinking of people to introduce me to and he mentioned Sabastian Ku. As we got out of the lift walking towards the main santuary, lo and behold, Sabastian Ku was standing right there. We sat and prayed together during the whole service and I could sense a kindled spirit with him. He was submitting his PhD thesis that day and it's not usual that I meet another Singaporean with a 'Permanent Head Damage'. As I saw Ps Kai speaking on stage, I was so amazed. His mind was entirely on me and my brother even though he was going to share that morning. That afternoon, I volunteered to help collect some nametag holders from Suntec and transport some things from the office in Bukit Merah to Woodlands. The intent was to use my dad's car, but he was delayed and so I took public transport. When I arrived at the office, Jade Wong told me that she found someone with a car. While waiting, I made a trip to the toilet and said Hi to a guy in there. I later asked for his name and when I heard, 'Jason', I was reminded of this guy whom a friend (Valarie Quay) wanted to introduce to me. The story is that both of us, me and Jason, were supposed to send Val off at Changi airport some weeks back. Jason couldn't make it then. I was thinking, 'Haha, there is no escape for those whom God wants to connect.' Thankful for the dinner with Jason also. I 'dragged' a friend (Shawn) whom I had a dinner appointment with to the Woodlands center. He had just shared that he was afraid that being a Christian would be unfilial to his mum and during dinner, Jason brought up this point too without knowing Shawn's concerns.
Sat was the commissioning service for the new center in Woodlands. It was my privilege to be part of it. While queing for Bus 901 at the interchange, this middle aged guy wearing a shirt printed 'Cleaners' was standing in front of me. I assumed he had just finished his work and was heading home. I felt led to connect with him. Found out he is from China and he was very open and loud (which made heads turn). We sat together in the bus and we continued talking about his children, UK and US. The turning question was when I asked him where he stayed and he answered saying near a new church. I jumped onto that immediately and asked him whether he would like to go to that church. Then, I knew he was a Christian! He was already keen to attend the church and I passed him a mandarin flyer which had the times printed on it. Hope to see him again. The commissioning of the new center was a defining day for me also as I responded to God with regard to a struggle I have been having. There has been a sense of purpose and freedom since I made that response. Also, there was further assurance of an inclination I had towards someone whom I felt God was leading me to since GDOP.
I meant this entry to be concise, focusing on God's providence through one week. I realise all that I have experienced flows out of decisive obedience. Had I not made the firm decision about Covenant and attend the dawn prayers, last week would have been different. I would have missed out so much, maybe even the defining response on Sat. People are surprised by my commitment and availability despite being new to the church. The people may not be familiar at this moment, but God is and as God fills the church and lives in each one of His children, that's the foundation as I continue to settle in the church. I am deeply touched by the openess and welcoming spirit that is in the church.
First heard of this church when the senior pastor, Edmund Chan, conducted an Intentional Discipleship Making Conference in UK in Jan 2007. My first time to the church center in Bukit Panjiang was in June 2008 when I was back in Singapore for a holiday. God already started to speak to me about making Covenant my spiritual home.
When I eventually returned to Singapore for good in mid July, I knew it was time to make a firm decision. My heart was torn because part of me wanted to worship at the same church as my parents as I wanted very much for us as a family to grow together spiritually. But I felt that Covenant is a place where I can build a deep foundation. After attending the service at Covenant on 27th July, I made the firm decision to settle in Covenant and told my parents about it. I am thankful that they are open to my decision, though I sensed that they would have liked me to stay at Grace Assembly. It was during that same service where I first heard about dawn prayers, where the church would gather together every morning for an entire week from 6am to 7:30am to pray. I was excited about this excellent opportunity to seek God at a deeper level and committed myself to it. It was also an opportunity to get my messed up bio clock right.
Came monday morning and I was actually 15min early despite only a few hours of sleep. It really felt strange, going to church at 5:45am! I was reminded of a verse I read the night before, '...these I will bring to my holy mountain and give them JOY in my house of prayer..' (Isa 56:7). I smiled at the ushers with a warm smile, and the Lord gave me joy as I entered His santuary. During worship, I shifted myself to the inner seats as the place was being filled. It was only after worship where I discovered that a couple (Donn and Meihua) who came to sit beside me were people whom I just met the day before. It was nice to pray with some familiar faces. Ps Edmund Chan shared about his burden that now is the season which Covenant is to be a witnessing church. I was so thankful for that! Witnessing has always been my heartbeat. It was very precious because God was assuring me of the choice I made about Covenant. It felt somewhat strange too. Though my heart resonated with the direction the church is intentionally advancing towards, I only knew a handful of people and I felt like a little fish in a brand new ocean. The service I attended in UK only had 20-30 people average. Later on in the afternoon, I received a text from Donn saying that my prayer spoke some things about decisions he and Meihua had to make. I seldom receive such feedback about the accuracy of my prayers and so I was pondering over how did it come about. In my heart, I heard the answer, 'Holy Spirit'. In my QT that night and next morning, bible verses and thoughts were anchored on the same subject, the Holy Spirit.
Tuesday. Although Ps Tony did not explicitly speak about the Holy Spirit, but it was centered on the areas enabled and empowered by the Holy Spirit. God spoke before man spoke. Prayed with Jeremy and Soon Tiang.
Wednesday. Ps Ann spoke about God security. I was surprised because I assumed that many there would have gone through breakthrough weekend, etc. Was reminded that this is an ongoing daily victory to be claimed. I started to see the continuity in the talks and appreciated the fact that God brought the church back to personal revival and not just the outward mobilisation of the church for witnessing. Prayed with Alvin and York Foong. 30th July was also my birthday and honestly, I was looking forward to a nice breakfast with someone I am starting to know better. But I was thankful that it didn't happen because I spent the morning with God in the balancony of the new place I shifted to.
Thursday. Again, transacted with God during dawn prayers. A day of divine appointments. Helped to clean the new center in Woodlands. Arrived 5 min late and my mop and vacumn cleaner caught the attention of a few, including Ps Tony who immediately assigned me to Ps Kai and a few others to the main santuary. There, I met Sharon, who helped me with IDMC registration. Danesh had his camera with him and one of my first words to him were 'Nice camera'. I shared that I recently purchased a DSLR and he asked me if I wanted to take some photographs on Sunday, not knowing that I was already intending to ask Ps Tony if he needed any photographers for Sunday. During a break, I sat down on a table where Ps Tony introduced me to May, Shawn, Angela and Shirley, saying that they are in his cell group. When I found out that they meet around my area, I immediately asked if I could join them. It was just a few days ago where I submitted a request at connections corners to be put in a cell around Potong Pasir. So the same day when I took my first step into the new center, I was given an opportunity to serve and a CG. Gave Ps Kai a lift home as he stayed only a few minutes away from me. I was deeply touched because as I was sharing about my brother, I could sense his sincere concern as my brother is going through depression. Before dropping him off, I asked him, 'Are you going for dawn prayers tomorrow?', with an intention of wanting to give him a lift. I realised how stupid it was to ask a pastor if he's going to church.
Friday. Before picking him up, I had the impression that Ps Kai would be speaking. During the journey, he was continously asking about me and my brother. He was thinking of people to introduce me to and he mentioned Sabastian Ku. As we got out of the lift walking towards the main santuary, lo and behold, Sabastian Ku was standing right there. We sat and prayed together during the whole service and I could sense a kindled spirit with him. He was submitting his PhD thesis that day and it's not usual that I meet another Singaporean with a 'Permanent Head Damage'. As I saw Ps Kai speaking on stage, I was so amazed. His mind was entirely on me and my brother even though he was going to share that morning. That afternoon, I volunteered to help collect some nametag holders from Suntec and transport some things from the office in Bukit Merah to Woodlands. The intent was to use my dad's car, but he was delayed and so I took public transport. When I arrived at the office, Jade Wong told me that she found someone with a car. While waiting, I made a trip to the toilet and said Hi to a guy in there. I later asked for his name and when I heard, 'Jason', I was reminded of this guy whom a friend (Valarie Quay) wanted to introduce to me. The story is that both of us, me and Jason, were supposed to send Val off at Changi airport some weeks back. Jason couldn't make it then. I was thinking, 'Haha, there is no escape for those whom God wants to connect.' Thankful for the dinner with Jason also. I 'dragged' a friend (Shawn) whom I had a dinner appointment with to the Woodlands center. He had just shared that he was afraid that being a Christian would be unfilial to his mum and during dinner, Jason brought up this point too without knowing Shawn's concerns.
Sat was the commissioning service for the new center in Woodlands. It was my privilege to be part of it. While queing for Bus 901 at the interchange, this middle aged guy wearing a shirt printed 'Cleaners' was standing in front of me. I assumed he had just finished his work and was heading home. I felt led to connect with him. Found out he is from China and he was very open and loud (which made heads turn). We sat together in the bus and we continued talking about his children, UK and US. The turning question was when I asked him where he stayed and he answered saying near a new church. I jumped onto that immediately and asked him whether he would like to go to that church. Then, I knew he was a Christian! He was already keen to attend the church and I passed him a mandarin flyer which had the times printed on it. Hope to see him again. The commissioning of the new center was a defining day for me also as I responded to God with regard to a struggle I have been having. There has been a sense of purpose and freedom since I made that response. Also, there was further assurance of an inclination I had towards someone whom I felt God was leading me to since GDOP.
I meant this entry to be concise, focusing on God's providence through one week. I realise all that I have experienced flows out of decisive obedience. Had I not made the firm decision about Covenant and attend the dawn prayers, last week would have been different. I would have missed out so much, maybe even the defining response on Sat. People are surprised by my commitment and availability despite being new to the church. The people may not be familiar at this moment, but God is and as God fills the church and lives in each one of His children, that's the foundation as I continue to settle in the church. I am deeply touched by the openess and welcoming spirit that is in the church.
Thursday 31 July 2008
First step into Covenant Woodlands
One advantage of 'shaking legs' at home is that I can blog more often. Also a way of journaling how God is helping me to settle down in Covenant.
The months/weeks I thought I would need to settle down in Covenant has been expedited by God (Eph 3:20). Just today alone I found a CG group and was given an opportunity to serve in the opening service for Woodlands. All these came about simply from volunteering to help in cleaning the new building.
Since the morning, I had planned to ask Ps Tony whether the church needs any photographers for Sunday. While cleaning, I was assigned to Ps Chung Kai (whom I got acquainted) and also Danesh who is a professional photographer. Told him I just bought a DSLR recently and a while later he asked if I wanted to help out this Sunday. Wasn't difficult to give him an answer as it was in my heart already.
During a drink break, I sat on a table where most people come from a CG group meeting in hougang/serangoon area. Just on sunday, I asked for a CG group near Potong Pasir area. I felt led to ask if I could join the group. Looking forward to my first meeting with them. It's amazing how just after a few days since I made the decision on Covenant, God is leading the way!
Met Sharon also, who helped me and my dad get a place in IDMC, which I am very thankful for! Gained an insight while cleaning the main doors, which had many groves in it. It takes time and effort to wipe away the dust along the groves. Similiar to spiritual cleansing, what God is doing in a believer's life. Also, the sunlight would also reveal more dust which wasn't visible before.
God is speaking to me about community. Even after a morning spent in 'cleaning fellowship', I felt lifted up. Gave cards naturally to the stall owners whom I bought noodles and fruits from.
To all my brothers and sisters in UK, hope you're getting on fine. My journey in UK has been a precious one :)
The months/weeks I thought I would need to settle down in Covenant has been expedited by God (Eph 3:20). Just today alone I found a CG group and was given an opportunity to serve in the opening service for Woodlands. All these came about simply from volunteering to help in cleaning the new building.
Since the morning, I had planned to ask Ps Tony whether the church needs any photographers for Sunday. While cleaning, I was assigned to Ps Chung Kai (whom I got acquainted) and also Danesh who is a professional photographer. Told him I just bought a DSLR recently and a while later he asked if I wanted to help out this Sunday. Wasn't difficult to give him an answer as it was in my heart already.
During a drink break, I sat on a table where most people come from a CG group meeting in hougang/serangoon area. Just on sunday, I asked for a CG group near Potong Pasir area. I felt led to ask if I could join the group. Looking forward to my first meeting with them. It's amazing how just after a few days since I made the decision on Covenant, God is leading the way!
Met Sharon also, who helped me and my dad get a place in IDMC, which I am very thankful for! Gained an insight while cleaning the main doors, which had many groves in it. It takes time and effort to wipe away the dust along the groves. Similiar to spiritual cleansing, what God is doing in a believer's life. Also, the sunlight would also reveal more dust which wasn't visible before.
God is speaking to me about community. Even after a morning spent in 'cleaning fellowship', I felt lifted up. Gave cards naturally to the stall owners whom I bought noodles and fruits from.
To all my brothers and sisters in UK, hope you're getting on fine. My journey in UK has been a precious one :)
Wednesday 30 July 2008
28th Birthday
Lord, I specially dedicate my 28th birthday morning to you. Thanking you for my past (even before I knew you) present and future experiences, shaping and working in me to fulfill Your INTENDED purposes in me. You saved my life twice physically (more that I am unaware I am sure) and there was an exchange on the cross where you have given me an ETERNAL abundant life through my faith in You.
After dawn prayers this morning, I thought of pampering myself to some nice breakfast by some nice scenary and spend time with God. Flipped open the street directory and saw the Zoo, but unfortunately it requires entry admission. Thought of East coast park, but it was too far. There wasn't much of a choice and I wasn't familiar with the West so I decided to head back to my new home. Spent the morning instead up in the balcony (it's a penthouse) spending time with God and catching up with some sleep. Come to think of it, it's my first morning in a new house spending time with God on my birthday. Wow...what a way to move in! Initially our family was thinking of moving to another place, but we believe that God led us to this place instead. It's a more spacious and humble place to stay. Brother decided not to stay with us, but my Dad has a strong feeling that he will come back soon. I have the same impression :)
A photograph overlooking the balcony. What an ideal place to pray for the country!
Ps Ann spoke about security. Being set free so we can help set others free. Insecurity is something which I face in my life. Ps Ann said that everyone faces it, it's only a question of degree. I can trace many issues I struggle with back to insecurity. The need to compare myself with others, even spiritually, boils back to my identity in Christ. In my relationship with others, I can interact best when I feel secure about myself. On the contrary, insecurity would led me to bother excessively about their opinions of me. Even in my seemingly good intentions and efforts to build bridges with people, it can be a form of security. When facing the difficult side of singlehood, I have to beware of not taking the easy way out of finding acceptance and significance through a relationship. In my struggle with my sexuality, I do not want to seek comfort through ways which are not intended to be. I am SECURE IN CHRIST, nothing can change that, irregardless of how I feel or embarassing the situation is.
Looking forward to Japanese buffet tonight with family. Lord, give me the sensitivity and courage to initiate the family to seek You together today.
After dawn prayers this morning, I thought of pampering myself to some nice breakfast by some nice scenary and spend time with God. Flipped open the street directory and saw the Zoo, but unfortunately it requires entry admission. Thought of East coast park, but it was too far. There wasn't much of a choice and I wasn't familiar with the West so I decided to head back to my new home. Spent the morning instead up in the balcony (it's a penthouse) spending time with God and catching up with some sleep. Come to think of it, it's my first morning in a new house spending time with God on my birthday. Wow...what a way to move in! Initially our family was thinking of moving to another place, but we believe that God led us to this place instead. It's a more spacious and humble place to stay. Brother decided not to stay with us, but my Dad has a strong feeling that he will come back soon. I have the same impression :)
A photograph overlooking the balcony. What an ideal place to pray for the country!
Ps Ann spoke about security. Being set free so we can help set others free. Insecurity is something which I face in my life. Ps Ann said that everyone faces it, it's only a question of degree. I can trace many issues I struggle with back to insecurity. The need to compare myself with others, even spiritually, boils back to my identity in Christ. In my relationship with others, I can interact best when I feel secure about myself. On the contrary, insecurity would led me to bother excessively about their opinions of me. Even in my seemingly good intentions and efforts to build bridges with people, it can be a form of security. When facing the difficult side of singlehood, I have to beware of not taking the easy way out of finding acceptance and significance through a relationship. In my struggle with my sexuality, I do not want to seek comfort through ways which are not intended to be. I am SECURE IN CHRIST, nothing can change that, irregardless of how I feel or embarassing the situation is.
Looking forward to Japanese buffet tonight with family. Lord, give me the sensitivity and courage to initiate the family to seek You together today.
Monday 28 July 2008
Firm decision on Covenant Evangelical Free Church
As I settle back in Singapore, the only two churches which I have considered so far are Grace Assembly which my parents are attending and Covenant Evangelical Free Church. I told my parents last night firmly that I have decided to go to CEFC. Initially I thought I would legitimately 'church-hop' for a couple of months as I settle back in Singapore. However, I am convicted of CEFC's emphasis on the Word and discipleship making.
Just these two days alone, I can see God's hand upon this church. He provided in abundance for the new Woodlands center and also granted TOP just a week before the date they have announced they are moving in (in faith). What amazes me isn't so much the 27 million that God provided, it's the timing. Imagine...He provided all of that just at the very last moment when it's all needed. I have had several cases in my life where I see His guidance and providence at the very end. It's nerve rattling during the waiting process, but this is how He builds faith up! Thank God for the trust and sensitivity of the leadership in CEFC.
Attended my first dawn prayer this morning. God brought the words about bringing joy into His house of prayer as I stepped into the church. It was a service which reaffirmed my decision about CEFC. Ps Edmund shared about the burden God is now placing on his heart, which is that CEFC will be a witnessing church, from the local neighbourhood to worldwide. It's the same heartbeat God has given me. What better place to start my spiritual journey in Singapore! It's not just a reminder to evangelise, but intentional for the next 3 months as a start and believing for visible results.
Yesterday's service was good too. God spoke to me about my inability to fully love him because of sin in my life. The sermon was 2 Cor 7:1 and talked about that which we must remove. It was a breakthrough and God reminded me He would strengthen me as I obey Him in the area of sexual temptations. 2 Cor 16:9, He'll strenghten those whose hearts are FULLY committed to Him. Also, got to know Alvin, En Qi, Ryan, Meihua and Donn briefly during lunch. Sat beside Donn and Meihua during the dawn prayer and I thank God for answering my prayer for divine appointments in CEFC.
Realise some things I take for granted that God would do and perhaps do not feel the need to pray about it. Gotta be careful about my self-deceiving heart. Wanna go back to my books on prayers...
Looking forward to moving to the new house too.
Just these two days alone, I can see God's hand upon this church. He provided in abundance for the new Woodlands center and also granted TOP just a week before the date they have announced they are moving in (in faith). What amazes me isn't so much the 27 million that God provided, it's the timing. Imagine...He provided all of that just at the very last moment when it's all needed. I have had several cases in my life where I see His guidance and providence at the very end. It's nerve rattling during the waiting process, but this is how He builds faith up! Thank God for the trust and sensitivity of the leadership in CEFC.
Attended my first dawn prayer this morning. God brought the words about bringing joy into His house of prayer as I stepped into the church. It was a service which reaffirmed my decision about CEFC. Ps Edmund shared about the burden God is now placing on his heart, which is that CEFC will be a witnessing church, from the local neighbourhood to worldwide. It's the same heartbeat God has given me. What better place to start my spiritual journey in Singapore! It's not just a reminder to evangelise, but intentional for the next 3 months as a start and believing for visible results.
Yesterday's service was good too. God spoke to me about my inability to fully love him because of sin in my life. The sermon was 2 Cor 7:1 and talked about that which we must remove. It was a breakthrough and God reminded me He would strengthen me as I obey Him in the area of sexual temptations. 2 Cor 16:9, He'll strenghten those whose hearts are FULLY committed to Him. Also, got to know Alvin, En Qi, Ryan, Meihua and Donn briefly during lunch. Sat beside Donn and Meihua during the dawn prayer and I thank God for answering my prayer for divine appointments in CEFC.
Realise some things I take for granted that God would do and perhaps do not feel the need to pray about it. Gotta be careful about my self-deceiving heart. Wanna go back to my books on prayers...
Looking forward to moving to the new house too.
Saturday 19 July 2008
Graduated!
Thank God there is no permanent head damage :)
It was a proud moment between me and God as I walked along the stage during the graduation ceremony. At the end of it all, I told my parents and aunts, 'The show is over'. The actual substance of the entire PhD is in the journey itself over the past 3+ years, I dedicated the graduation (with all its glamour) to God and rejoiced in it. Had fun wearing the gown. It brought a laugh on the faces of my parents and aunts. It felt like a dress and I danced around in it to amuse my friends. Was abit impatient with my mum for abit because of her fuss over the need for all the professional photographs, buying the video, etc. My dad also 'graduated' with a PhD in a matter of seconds as I put the gown on him, that was fun! My lovely aunt became my photographer for the day, thanks Aunt for all the effort :) I put alot of gel on that day and my friend saw the vain side of me as I was styling my hair again just before I went on stage. The last speech during the ceremony was especially good as it talked about giving a honest evaluation to managment and finding a job which you enjoy doing.
The two weeks leading up to the ceremony was fruitful. Started with Mark and Huifen's wedding. Felt bad about the lack of effort in organising Mark's stag night, fortunately it turned out to be pretty smooth as we had dinner at Nosh and went to a pub for a drink. The wedding itself was tiring. Headed to Mark's house at 6am to help him dress up. I admire the couple for making most of the arrangments themselves. It is NOT easy at all. Similiar to graduation, weddings are primarily meant for family and friends. There were 4 bestman speeches and i enjoyed giving mine. The content was from my heart. The loving atmosphere and people's laughter made all the difference. It hasn't been an easy journey with Mark and Huifen, but definately one with valuable lessons and I am sure God has His purposes for it all.
Travelled to Scotland (Loch Lomond, Oban, Isle of Mull, Iona, Edinburgh) with aunts. Thank God for He made so many fantastic arrangments, big and small, from accommodation to the weather. Highlight of the trip was Iona and my aunts thoroughly enjoyed it, it's a small island well suited for retreats. The hostel was the cleanest and most peaceful I ever stayed in and we attended a 9pm service at the Iona abbey. Drove around in a Golf, one of the cars which I was tempted to spurge on but exercised self control when I moved to Mark's house. The fruits of reward after exercising self control is great! Was rewarded again when my aunts bought me a Harrods shotglass at the end of the trip when I previously decided to save money on my endless spending on shotglasses. Got to understand my aunts more and more aware of the generational and gender differences, for example, being more careful about things and not taking things for granted. The background they grew up in is way different from mine, times were much harder.
Another highlight of the trip was climbing Ben Nevis. It was a humbling experience as I nearly thought I couldn't get to the top. On the way down, my knees hurt and I walked almost each step with pain. God tested me about my weakness for girls from the start and I am glad I focused on Him instead. It was a spiritual journey and I meditated around the verse He gave me for my viva, Psa 121, 'I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from. It comes from God, the maker of heaven and earth'. Literally, it was a dependence on Him on the way up and down considering my physical limitations. The long walk took close to 10 hours and I was glad to be back at Distillery cottage to assure my worried aunts and enjoy a nice home cooked dinner!
My sermon at the chinese church was perhaps the least prepared in terms of the script because I didn't have much time to go thorough it. It turned out to be another valuable lesson as I know that people's responses were due to God and not a well memorised speech. I spoke with a real conviction I had about God's Word and my prayer was that people would have the same conviction. I was touched by the get-together at a restaurant pub after church. I realise more about the impact I had made and I thank God for it.
I leave Nottingham with this in mind, knowing that I have left lasting impressions. Though I am largely unaware of how and what impressions I have made, I remind myself that that is not the focus. That's simply God working His purposes through me for His Kingdom. I pray that I would not be someone who would backslide after a real experience with God and having tasted His guidance and blessings. The working life in front of me will be a test. I also want to make the effort to remain in contact with people and continue to be a living testimony. It's time for a new chapter in Singapore.
This last photograph is the reason why I believe all the effort, time and money spend on my last trip to UK was worthwhile.
It was a proud moment between me and God as I walked along the stage during the graduation ceremony. At the end of it all, I told my parents and aunts, 'The show is over'. The actual substance of the entire PhD is in the journey itself over the past 3+ years, I dedicated the graduation (with all its glamour) to God and rejoiced in it. Had fun wearing the gown. It brought a laugh on the faces of my parents and aunts. It felt like a dress and I danced around in it to amuse my friends. Was abit impatient with my mum for abit because of her fuss over the need for all the professional photographs, buying the video, etc. My dad also 'graduated' with a PhD in a matter of seconds as I put the gown on him, that was fun! My lovely aunt became my photographer for the day, thanks Aunt for all the effort :) I put alot of gel on that day and my friend saw the vain side of me as I was styling my hair again just before I went on stage. The last speech during the ceremony was especially good as it talked about giving a honest evaluation to managment and finding a job which you enjoy doing.
The two weeks leading up to the ceremony was fruitful. Started with Mark and Huifen's wedding. Felt bad about the lack of effort in organising Mark's stag night, fortunately it turned out to be pretty smooth as we had dinner at Nosh and went to a pub for a drink. The wedding itself was tiring. Headed to Mark's house at 6am to help him dress up. I admire the couple for making most of the arrangments themselves. It is NOT easy at all. Similiar to graduation, weddings are primarily meant for family and friends. There were 4 bestman speeches and i enjoyed giving mine. The content was from my heart. The loving atmosphere and people's laughter made all the difference. It hasn't been an easy journey with Mark and Huifen, but definately one with valuable lessons and I am sure God has His purposes for it all.
Travelled to Scotland (Loch Lomond, Oban, Isle of Mull, Iona, Edinburgh) with aunts. Thank God for He made so many fantastic arrangments, big and small, from accommodation to the weather. Highlight of the trip was Iona and my aunts thoroughly enjoyed it, it's a small island well suited for retreats. The hostel was the cleanest and most peaceful I ever stayed in and we attended a 9pm service at the Iona abbey. Drove around in a Golf, one of the cars which I was tempted to spurge on but exercised self control when I moved to Mark's house. The fruits of reward after exercising self control is great! Was rewarded again when my aunts bought me a Harrods shotglass at the end of the trip when I previously decided to save money on my endless spending on shotglasses. Got to understand my aunts more and more aware of the generational and gender differences, for example, being more careful about things and not taking things for granted. The background they grew up in is way different from mine, times were much harder.
Another highlight of the trip was climbing Ben Nevis. It was a humbling experience as I nearly thought I couldn't get to the top. On the way down, my knees hurt and I walked almost each step with pain. God tested me about my weakness for girls from the start and I am glad I focused on Him instead. It was a spiritual journey and I meditated around the verse He gave me for my viva, Psa 121, 'I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from. It comes from God, the maker of heaven and earth'. Literally, it was a dependence on Him on the way up and down considering my physical limitations. The long walk took close to 10 hours and I was glad to be back at Distillery cottage to assure my worried aunts and enjoy a nice home cooked dinner!
My sermon at the chinese church was perhaps the least prepared in terms of the script because I didn't have much time to go thorough it. It turned out to be another valuable lesson as I know that people's responses were due to God and not a well memorised speech. I spoke with a real conviction I had about God's Word and my prayer was that people would have the same conviction. I was touched by the get-together at a restaurant pub after church. I realise more about the impact I had made and I thank God for it.
I leave Nottingham with this in mind, knowing that I have left lasting impressions. Though I am largely unaware of how and what impressions I have made, I remind myself that that is not the focus. That's simply God working His purposes through me for His Kingdom. I pray that I would not be someone who would backslide after a real experience with God and having tasted His guidance and blessings. The working life in front of me will be a test. I also want to make the effort to remain in contact with people and continue to be a living testimony. It's time for a new chapter in Singapore.
This last photograph is the reason why I believe all the effort, time and money spend on my last trip to UK was worthwhile.
Monday 23 June 2008
Picking me up
It's so easy for some disciplines to slip away if I do not make the effort. I do want to continue updating this blog as a personal pilgrim and testimony to others.
Finally, I join the ranks of those with a 'Permanent Head Damage'. To be frank, I forgot that I am officially a 'Dr' now until someone jokingly calls me Dr Koh. It ended with a bang, with God showing me that this entire PhD is ALL HIM. I passed my viva with no corrections, which is really rare. Above all my time and effort devoted to my research, He has guided me all along and provided the opportunity to go to the States. God, thank you.
It was a smooth transition back to Singapore, because I have been back so often this year :p Really thankful of my relationship with my parents, and my dad as a mentor in practical aspects of my life. I believe my presence here is also a great support in the midst of the trials facing my family at the moment. Sent out a few resumes last week and I got my first rejection from Mckinsey today. Felt peace about it, simply because that means God doesn't want me to be there :)
Felt overwhelmed about the upcoming time in UK. Being the best man for a wedding, holiday with Aunts, preaching, graduation. Seeing them as 'tasks' will simply kill all the joy and fun. My prayer right now is that I would look forward to them with thanksgiving and joy to be part of these significant events.
Recently went to KL and it was great meeting up with WL, CE, DT, EL, SW, YS and mum. Spent over an hour playing games with WL and CE, something I have not done for ages, though it felt strange going to KL to play games, haha. Wanted to go-kart, but it rained and we all agreed we will do it next time! Was good to see people moving on :) Of course, everyone of us faces our own share of challenges in life, but it's God's of moulding and teaching us.
Felt disoriented throughout this day but am thankful that am picking myself up in God tonight. Blogging helps.
God, help me to put together the best man's speech, sermon and also travel arrangments. Comfort me in my loneliness. Amen.
Finally, I join the ranks of those with a 'Permanent Head Damage'. To be frank, I forgot that I am officially a 'Dr' now until someone jokingly calls me Dr Koh. It ended with a bang, with God showing me that this entire PhD is ALL HIM. I passed my viva with no corrections, which is really rare. Above all my time and effort devoted to my research, He has guided me all along and provided the opportunity to go to the States. God, thank you.
It was a smooth transition back to Singapore, because I have been back so often this year :p Really thankful of my relationship with my parents, and my dad as a mentor in practical aspects of my life. I believe my presence here is also a great support in the midst of the trials facing my family at the moment. Sent out a few resumes last week and I got my first rejection from Mckinsey today. Felt peace about it, simply because that means God doesn't want me to be there :)
Felt overwhelmed about the upcoming time in UK. Being the best man for a wedding, holiday with Aunts, preaching, graduation. Seeing them as 'tasks' will simply kill all the joy and fun. My prayer right now is that I would look forward to them with thanksgiving and joy to be part of these significant events.
Recently went to KL and it was great meeting up with WL, CE, DT, EL, SW, YS and mum. Spent over an hour playing games with WL and CE, something I have not done for ages, though it felt strange going to KL to play games, haha. Wanted to go-kart, but it rained and we all agreed we will do it next time! Was good to see people moving on :) Of course, everyone of us faces our own share of challenges in life, but it's God's of moulding and teaching us.
Felt disoriented throughout this day but am thankful that am picking myself up in God tonight. Blogging helps.
God, help me to put together the best man's speech, sermon and also travel arrangments. Comfort me in my loneliness. Amen.
Monday 28 April 2008
Business mission trip to Chongqing
God has given me the opportunity to travel to China straight after I finished writing my thesis. Have been telling my friends from China that I would very much like to visit their homeland, but I didn't expect the door to open so soon, 3 days straight after I submitted my thesis! Moreover, I have expressed interest in business and this open door happens to be a rare opportunity for me to join a group of businessmen led by the minister of state for trade and industry, Lee Yi Shyan. Destination is Chongqing, the land of 3 beauties, 'Shan', 'Shui', 'Mei Nu'. I have no doubt this is a divine opportunity.
When I first read the participant booklet, I felt overwhelmed because there were many CEOs and everyone had a wealth of experience. I thank God for this leap out of my comfort zone even before I have completed my Phd. I had no idea what to expect, only remember feeling like a fish out of the water during the first day were a group of 30+ people in suits were exchanging name cards with each other. Guess it was like any other social event, except at a professional level. I felt comfortable being in a suit for a week, guess because everyone else were dressed the same. We had meetings with the government officials from different areas and they shared about their developments and discussions were aimed at facilitating Singapore businesses in China. They treated us to generous helpings of food, it's a belief that it would be shame for the host if the guests left with empty plates on the table.
This is a trip of divine appointments. I had intentions to email Grace from Nottingham to check out for churches, but didn't get around it. I eventually thought I would ask the reception at the hotel. Who knows....on sat night when dad and myself were roaming a street in search for food, we came across this humble dumpling stall. I saw a calender with a cross on the wall and asked them if they were Christians. To the praise of God, they were and gave us the address of the church they go to. It was an awesome service, a simple room with chairs, keyboard and as my eyes were looking at the people in the room, I was greatly touched by how great God is. Another is during the end of a dinner where the minister was present and as he was walking out, I felt an urge to take a video. The moment I started recording, my dad reached out his hand and made contact with the minister. They chatted for a brief moment. My heart was like 'Wah...like that also can...'.
Brought the book 'Practising the presence of God' by Brother Lawrence along. Thin book, but packed with powerful insights. It was a relevant book to read as I was actively applying throughout this trip. To be able to connect with God not just in QT but in the midst of activities and the buzz is essential. Something a brother said which is deeply rooted in my heart, 'When I am not speaking to people, I am speaking to God'. Was memorising Psa 139 also and one thing God has spoken to me clearly throughout the week is of his omni-presence, it's a comfort and a reminder that I better be obedient :)
This is getting to be a pretty long entry. Believe me, I am trying as hard to make it concise already! I will forgive you if you decide to drop out halfway...but the best is yet to come :p Ok lah...make it point form so easier to read :)
The things God opened my heart and eyes to:
1) The people in China.
My precious moments were the times in the coach where I gazed out of the window and saw waves of people in the streets. These are the multitudes and after hearing so much about China, there they are, lost sheep needing a shepherd. Needing a hope which is stored in heaven and revealed through the Word of God.
2) A heart for these business executives.
Perhaps there is a tendency to assume that wealthy businessman tend to be more 'ungodly'. Afterall, business is associated with worldly things and we may automatically assume that these people have climbed up the ladder against the wrong wall. However, we all fall short. A CEO may not necessarily be more self-centered than anyone walking in the streets. In fact, over the past week, I have seen many people helping and looking out for each other as a team. I asked a member of the team whether she came across many Christians in the business world and she said no. No doubt this is a ministry by itself. Imagine what a difference these people could make if they knew the truth about life!
I do not see myself to possess important qualities of a top level executive, particularly in the area of networking where small talk is needed. However, there are things which God has put in my life which may lead me along this path. I am praying to God that if this is one day where He wants me to be, it's through Him, because I know that by myself, I cannot do it. Someone commented that smoking/ktv is an excellent way to network with people, in my mind, I was thinking 'God will provide the divine appointments'. I have to be tactful also though. Towards the end, there was talk about doing 'sexy' business. I literally said 'No way' out loud and I must have looked very serious.
I wonder whether one day I will end up in China, haha, exciting thought. Whatever it is, I must remind myself not to rush and my first job will merely be a stepping stone. Think big, Start small, Build deep. One aspect of building deep at the moment besides God is also improving my Chinese. Again, that's one of my weak areas where I need to depend on God's strength if I were to look to China.
Thank God for this exposure over the past week. Although there wasn't any direct benefits for me, but it's a sign that God provides divine appointments and He is watching over me and you :)
When I first read the participant booklet, I felt overwhelmed because there were many CEOs and everyone had a wealth of experience. I thank God for this leap out of my comfort zone even before I have completed my Phd. I had no idea what to expect, only remember feeling like a fish out of the water during the first day were a group of 30+ people in suits were exchanging name cards with each other. Guess it was like any other social event, except at a professional level. I felt comfortable being in a suit for a week, guess because everyone else were dressed the same. We had meetings with the government officials from different areas and they shared about their developments and discussions were aimed at facilitating Singapore businesses in China. They treated us to generous helpings of food, it's a belief that it would be shame for the host if the guests left with empty plates on the table.
This is a trip of divine appointments. I had intentions to email Grace from Nottingham to check out for churches, but didn't get around it. I eventually thought I would ask the reception at the hotel. Who knows....on sat night when dad and myself were roaming a street in search for food, we came across this humble dumpling stall. I saw a calender with a cross on the wall and asked them if they were Christians. To the praise of God, they were and gave us the address of the church they go to. It was an awesome service, a simple room with chairs, keyboard and as my eyes were looking at the people in the room, I was greatly touched by how great God is. Another is during the end of a dinner where the minister was present and as he was walking out, I felt an urge to take a video. The moment I started recording, my dad reached out his hand and made contact with the minister. They chatted for a brief moment. My heart was like 'Wah...like that also can...'.
Brought the book 'Practising the presence of God' by Brother Lawrence along. Thin book, but packed with powerful insights. It was a relevant book to read as I was actively applying throughout this trip. To be able to connect with God not just in QT but in the midst of activities and the buzz is essential. Something a brother said which is deeply rooted in my heart, 'When I am not speaking to people, I am speaking to God'. Was memorising Psa 139 also and one thing God has spoken to me clearly throughout the week is of his omni-presence, it's a comfort and a reminder that I better be obedient :)
This is getting to be a pretty long entry. Believe me, I am trying as hard to make it concise already! I will forgive you if you decide to drop out halfway...but the best is yet to come :p Ok lah...make it point form so easier to read :)
The things God opened my heart and eyes to:
1) The people in China.
My precious moments were the times in the coach where I gazed out of the window and saw waves of people in the streets. These are the multitudes and after hearing so much about China, there they are, lost sheep needing a shepherd. Needing a hope which is stored in heaven and revealed through the Word of God.
2) A heart for these business executives.
Perhaps there is a tendency to assume that wealthy businessman tend to be more 'ungodly'. Afterall, business is associated with worldly things and we may automatically assume that these people have climbed up the ladder against the wrong wall. However, we all fall short. A CEO may not necessarily be more self-centered than anyone walking in the streets. In fact, over the past week, I have seen many people helping and looking out for each other as a team. I asked a member of the team whether she came across many Christians in the business world and she said no. No doubt this is a ministry by itself. Imagine what a difference these people could make if they knew the truth about life!
I do not see myself to possess important qualities of a top level executive, particularly in the area of networking where small talk is needed. However, there are things which God has put in my life which may lead me along this path. I am praying to God that if this is one day where He wants me to be, it's through Him, because I know that by myself, I cannot do it. Someone commented that smoking/ktv is an excellent way to network with people, in my mind, I was thinking 'God will provide the divine appointments'. I have to be tactful also though. Towards the end, there was talk about doing 'sexy' business. I literally said 'No way' out loud and I must have looked very serious.
I wonder whether one day I will end up in China, haha, exciting thought. Whatever it is, I must remind myself not to rush and my first job will merely be a stepping stone. Think big, Start small, Build deep. One aspect of building deep at the moment besides God is also improving my Chinese. Again, that's one of my weak areas where I need to depend on God's strength if I were to look to China.
Thank God for this exposure over the past week. Although there wasn't any direct benefits for me, but it's a sign that God provides divine appointments and He is watching over me and you :)
Wednesday 9 April 2008
Reflections from Saul
Reading 1 Samuel and many things about Saul struck me. So often, when I think of David and Saul, I see myself as David and would never imagine myself to be like Saul. But upon reading it again, I realise how much of a Saul is there in me.
It's quite amazing how well Saul started out. Samuel annointed him, God changed his heart and turned him into another man (1 Sam 10). He even had the heart to forgive those who did not initially acknowledge his kingship. He acknowledged God in his victory. Similiar to how Israel tried to depend on past victories (1 Sam 4) but were utterly defeated by the Philistines, I cannot assume that I am alright because I see God's hand in my life. When God was displeased with Saul, Saul continued to lead Israel into victories. It's more to do with God's will than ourselves. The only victory which we can count on is the cross. It's a daily renewal of self and continual dependence upon God.
Recently was reminded by a sister, 'When I face a difficult situation, do I instinctly turn to God first or people for counsel?'. It reflects my theology. When Saul started to turn away from God, he made decisions first before the priests reminded him to inquire of God. Many times, I have made my own plans without bringing them before God first. Am not saying I should fast or pray for long hours before making every single decision, but to acknowledge Him in my heart in everything.
Saul put his self-image before obedience to God. He did not totally wipe out the Amalekites because he was afraid of the people and gave in to them (1 Sam 15:24). He even request Samuel to honor him before the elders (1 Sam 15:30). Every single day, I would find myself doing things for the eyes of others. I remember clearly in primary school when I was infatuated with a girl. I walked home everyday while her dad would pick her up and their car would pass by at a point of my journey. I often ran to that junction just so that she could spot me!
Saul thought he could justify his disobedience by taking the best of the plunder and sacrificing them to God. But God does not delight in burnt offerings as much as obedience. A valuable lesson. It's amazing to see God in the things I do whenever I take the small step of obedience and desiring to please Him instead of people.
These are valuable insights to caution me not to finish like Saul did. There are many things at the moment I want to do for God and have to remind myself that obedience is utmost.
It's quite amazing how well Saul started out. Samuel annointed him, God changed his heart and turned him into another man (1 Sam 10). He even had the heart to forgive those who did not initially acknowledge his kingship. He acknowledged God in his victory. Similiar to how Israel tried to depend on past victories (1 Sam 4) but were utterly defeated by the Philistines, I cannot assume that I am alright because I see God's hand in my life. When God was displeased with Saul, Saul continued to lead Israel into victories. It's more to do with God's will than ourselves. The only victory which we can count on is the cross. It's a daily renewal of self and continual dependence upon God.
Recently was reminded by a sister, 'When I face a difficult situation, do I instinctly turn to God first or people for counsel?'. It reflects my theology. When Saul started to turn away from God, he made decisions first before the priests reminded him to inquire of God. Many times, I have made my own plans without bringing them before God first. Am not saying I should fast or pray for long hours before making every single decision, but to acknowledge Him in my heart in everything.
Saul put his self-image before obedience to God. He did not totally wipe out the Amalekites because he was afraid of the people and gave in to them (1 Sam 15:24). He even request Samuel to honor him before the elders (1 Sam 15:30). Every single day, I would find myself doing things for the eyes of others. I remember clearly in primary school when I was infatuated with a girl. I walked home everyday while her dad would pick her up and their car would pass by at a point of my journey. I often ran to that junction just so that she could spot me!
Saul thought he could justify his disobedience by taking the best of the plunder and sacrificing them to God. But God does not delight in burnt offerings as much as obedience. A valuable lesson. It's amazing to see God in the things I do whenever I take the small step of obedience and desiring to please Him instead of people.
These are valuable insights to caution me not to finish like Saul did. There are many things at the moment I want to do for God and have to remind myself that obedience is utmost.
Monday 31 March 2008
Power of the obedient step
I thank God for the encouragement I have received tonight. Just this afternoon, I decided to extend my stay in UK until I have submitted my thesis. I have been in a hurry to go back home. I felt peace after I made the decision. This evening,
1)Got a reply from a youth saying that they are benefiting from the previous meetings and would like to continue
2)Spoke into a brother's bgr situation over MSN, we both felt that it was something God wanted to say to him
3)A brother got back to me after I shared with him about a need for a guy mentor in the mandarin group here and asked me to set up a meeting with Grace
4)A sister whom I wanted to visit for a long time was welcoming me to see her after a holiday in Scotland
Am glad I am staying for a while more. I felt God reaffirming my decision to stay through these little encounters this evening. Looking forward to visiting Leeds and London too.
During SR's retreat, the first talk was on the power of the obedient step and seeing how God flows when we take obedient steps. I think the first small steps out of the comfort zone are often the most difficult yet most critical ones. God spoke to me about confidence and renewing of mind through the retreat. Am experiencing victory in the battlefield of the mind. Much more grounds to be conqured.
The fellowship to Cornwall was great. The group was made up of different people, but of one club, the lame club, haha. To be simply oneself and crap in front of others is something precious. Thank God for the opportunity to know more people in a fun way. Weather was great and although I visited many places before, but it was a totally different experience. I still have memories of the trip last year and it wasn't so much of the place I remembered, but the people. I realise that despite being up front and looked up to in SR, we are all very human. Also, people, especially girls need to be led.
1)Got a reply from a youth saying that they are benefiting from the previous meetings and would like to continue
2)Spoke into a brother's bgr situation over MSN, we both felt that it was something God wanted to say to him
3)A brother got back to me after I shared with him about a need for a guy mentor in the mandarin group here and asked me to set up a meeting with Grace
4)A sister whom I wanted to visit for a long time was welcoming me to see her after a holiday in Scotland
Am glad I am staying for a while more. I felt God reaffirming my decision to stay through these little encounters this evening. Looking forward to visiting Leeds and London too.
During SR's retreat, the first talk was on the power of the obedient step and seeing how God flows when we take obedient steps. I think the first small steps out of the comfort zone are often the most difficult yet most critical ones. God spoke to me about confidence and renewing of mind through the retreat. Am experiencing victory in the battlefield of the mind. Much more grounds to be conqured.
The fellowship to Cornwall was great. The group was made up of different people, but of one club, the lame club, haha. To be simply oneself and crap in front of others is something precious. Thank God for the opportunity to know more people in a fun way. Weather was great and although I visited many places before, but it was a totally different experience. I still have memories of the trip last year and it wasn't so much of the place I remembered, but the people. I realise that despite being up front and looked up to in SR, we are all very human. Also, people, especially girls need to be led.
Saturday 8 March 2008
More concrete plans
Am thankful for the past week. Have more concrete deadlines to work towards. On Mon, I had a meeting with my supervisors with an aim of nominating an external examiner. Usually, it takes time to wait for a reply and the most uncertain factor is how long does the external examiner take to read the thesis. The latest date for my viva had to be around mid May for me to graduate in summer. During the meeting, one of my supervisors, Nick, picked up the phone and after five minutes, an examiner was nominated and he said he was available 3rd week of May for the viva and needed the thesis end of April. Wow. Everything was sorted, with a comfortable time to finish up my thesis. God is good. I am truly amazed. Interestingly, two days ago before the meeting, I decided to firm up my plans to go for SR retreat and return to Singapore after that. Initially, I was in a rush to simply return to Singapore and there would not have been enough time to properly spend time with people here, SR included. Realise that as I honour God and take active steps in making plans, God directs the way.
I continue to open my heart to God's grace this week, to rid my heart of a self sense of what's right and wrong. Putting into my heart Romans 6, to know that my old self have died and I am a new creation in Christ, to walk in the Spirit. Also Eph 1, to know of the every spiritual blessings that God has given us in the heavenly realms. Powerful stuff. Recently also been thinking about a tendency to allow my mind to drift and that could contribute to my 'blurblurness' and short memory. So making an effort to catch those wandering moments and dwell on God's word.
Watched Syrian last night and there was a special feature which was entitled 'Making a difference' as well. Watched the trailor for 'Darfur Now' also and I broke down. Is it simply emotional or something which God has placed in my heart? Was surfing through jobs in the UN and realise that many of them require advanced degrees and work experience. Maybe it's not the immediate step ahead but something I will bear in mind. Definately have more time to read the news now. I felt God prompting about working for DSO, doing research for Singapore's defense, but I am not sure where would that lead me.
I continue to open my heart to God's grace this week, to rid my heart of a self sense of what's right and wrong. Putting into my heart Romans 6, to know that my old self have died and I am a new creation in Christ, to walk in the Spirit. Also Eph 1, to know of the every spiritual blessings that God has given us in the heavenly realms. Powerful stuff. Recently also been thinking about a tendency to allow my mind to drift and that could contribute to my 'blurblurness' and short memory. So making an effort to catch those wandering moments and dwell on God's word.
Watched Syrian last night and there was a special feature which was entitled 'Making a difference' as well. Watched the trailor for 'Darfur Now' also and I broke down. Is it simply emotional or something which God has placed in my heart? Was surfing through jobs in the UN and realise that many of them require advanced degrees and work experience. Maybe it's not the immediate step ahead but something I will bear in mind. Definately have more time to read the news now. I felt God prompting about working for DSO, doing research for Singapore's defense, but I am not sure where would that lead me.
Sunday 24 February 2008
Birmingham Chinese Evangelical Church
Just back from a weekend away in Birmingham. Stayed with Ezra, Edith and Alethia. Know a few other people there too, and was especially thankful to be able to catch up with Kenneth again. Daniel, if you're reading this, you were mentioned and thought of!
Though short, but I was truly encouraged this weekend. It's a testimony of how God answers prayers (for a mentor) and divine appointments where authentic relationships are found through just meeting a few times.
Most things are caught and not taught. Am thankful for the opportunity to be in the midst of Ezra and Edith's family, to witness how they love and live with each other and cope with Alethia's situation. Conversations with them often surround other people with a true concern and otherness. Conversations can sometimes be about commenting on others, on personal weaknesses or difficult circumstances. But it's different with Ezra and Edith. Certainly caught the spirit of looking at what's good and right instead of dwelling on what's bad. There are enough people and our ownselves (as the main culprit) in being critical and the world needs more people to say positive things.
When I saw Kenneth, was reminded of God's goodness during my time in Boston. Knowing him and spending a few days with his family was a blessing. Though I didn't keep in touch with him much after I returned to UK, but I thank God for bringing him back to my thoughts and heart today.
Amongst the many things which I learned, God spoke powerfully to me through this verse:
1 John 3:19-20
'This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.'
Beginning to renew my mind whenever I habour self-critical thoughts and am beginning to sense a breakthrough as I apply the truth that God knows everything and is greater than my heart! Repentance is about the renewing of mind. It started when Ezra shared about this issue after he prayed for me on Sat night and I continued to allow God to speak into my heart on Sunday and actively apply it.
Though short, but I was truly encouraged this weekend. It's a testimony of how God answers prayers (for a mentor) and divine appointments where authentic relationships are found through just meeting a few times.
Most things are caught and not taught. Am thankful for the opportunity to be in the midst of Ezra and Edith's family, to witness how they love and live with each other and cope with Alethia's situation. Conversations with them often surround other people with a true concern and otherness. Conversations can sometimes be about commenting on others, on personal weaknesses or difficult circumstances. But it's different with Ezra and Edith. Certainly caught the spirit of looking at what's good and right instead of dwelling on what's bad. There are enough people and our ownselves (as the main culprit) in being critical and the world needs more people to say positive things.
When I saw Kenneth, was reminded of God's goodness during my time in Boston. Knowing him and spending a few days with his family was a blessing. Though I didn't keep in touch with him much after I returned to UK, but I thank God for bringing him back to my thoughts and heart today.
Amongst the many things which I learned, God spoke powerfully to me through this verse:
1 John 3:19-20
'This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.'
Beginning to renew my mind whenever I habour self-critical thoughts and am beginning to sense a breakthrough as I apply the truth that God knows everything and is greater than my heart! Repentance is about the renewing of mind. It started when Ezra shared about this issue after he prayed for me on Sat night and I continued to allow God to speak into my heart on Sunday and actively apply it.
Monday 18 February 2008
Update
When you run the 400m, you make a last turn before you give it your all for the last straight sprint. I feel like I am just at the last turn in my Phd. Another intensive writing for 2 weeks and I can ease off while I wait for supervisors to read and make corrections after. Current plan is to return to Singapore on 10th March.
Updated CV and saw a career advisor today who was happy with my CV. Planning to send it off to DSO soon. I believe God spoke to me about DSO, so I will apply.
When I first came back from Singapore, it was on the subject of daily obedience. Recently the subject of relying on God's strength has been in my heart. How easy it can seem to be relying on God but in actual fact we are using Him instead. Relying on Him will cast away any anxiety. To deal with sin not with mere will power from our flesh, but live in victory because I am cleansed by His word. Woke up this morning to a fresh revelation of His grace after stumbling in a repeated sin.
Yesterday, Francis gave me a word, 'Stepping stone'. What's ahead is not an end by itself but a preparation for something bigger. I am still so young! Have to learn to be patient and not try to do too much too fast. It's a mixed feeling of excitment and uncertainty which causes me to simply trust God that He has already laid out the path for me.
Be blessed.
Updated CV and saw a career advisor today who was happy with my CV. Planning to send it off to DSO soon. I believe God spoke to me about DSO, so I will apply.
When I first came back from Singapore, it was on the subject of daily obedience. Recently the subject of relying on God's strength has been in my heart. How easy it can seem to be relying on God but in actual fact we are using Him instead. Relying on Him will cast away any anxiety. To deal with sin not with mere will power from our flesh, but live in victory because I am cleansed by His word. Woke up this morning to a fresh revelation of His grace after stumbling in a repeated sin.
Yesterday, Francis gave me a word, 'Stepping stone'. What's ahead is not an end by itself but a preparation for something bigger. I am still so young! Have to learn to be patient and not try to do too much too fast. It's a mixed feeling of excitment and uncertainty which causes me to simply trust God that He has already laid out the path for me.
Be blessed.
Wednesday 6 February 2008
'Hidden agenda'
It's been almost a month since I returned to UK to complete my thesis. God has been good. Am more aware of how He watches over the little things in my life and answers prayers. My thesis writing have been smooth, feel like I am cutting corners in some areas, but I trust that there is sufficient material and that God would grant me success. Recently, Karen, another singaporean Phd student in economics passed her Viva (Well done Karen!). She was told that the Phd would be awarded at the start of the examination, which is not common even if the examiner already had such intentions. My first reaction was that 'God is so amazing!'. Was surprised at my own reaction, that I did not feel the least envious. I trust that my time would come in God's providence.
I just read something which sums up an area in my heart over the past weeks.
From 'Learning at the crossroads' from Neil Hood.
'Ambition is not the problem, but what fuels it and directs it can be. Sorting out the complexitiy of our motives is not easy because of the presence of sin. At best we are broken and flawed people under reconstruction. Even a short time spent in self-examination reveals that our intentions are seldom totally pure. It's then that our expertise in disguising our real ambition kicks in, often clothed in high-sounding and creative spiritual language.'
Without coming to a clear grasp that I can do NOTHING to become more 'Christian' and that it is solely through grace that I am all I am, my life will be hindered by fleshy toil leading to empty striving and totally missing out on God.
Learning how to intercede for people and pray for the world as I read more of the news. Man..it's just clicks away, got no excuse!
I just read something which sums up an area in my heart over the past weeks.
From 'Learning at the crossroads' from Neil Hood.
'Ambition is not the problem, but what fuels it and directs it can be. Sorting out the complexitiy of our motives is not easy because of the presence of sin. At best we are broken and flawed people under reconstruction. Even a short time spent in self-examination reveals that our intentions are seldom totally pure. It's then that our expertise in disguising our real ambition kicks in, often clothed in high-sounding and creative spiritual language.'
Without coming to a clear grasp that I can do NOTHING to become more 'Christian' and that it is solely through grace that I am all I am, my life will be hindered by fleshy toil leading to empty striving and totally missing out on God.
Learning how to intercede for people and pray for the world as I read more of the news. Man..it's just clicks away, got no excuse!
Friday 11 January 2008
Creative evangelism
A recap of the opportunities I had to plant seeds through my time in Singapore. I realise with a little extra effort, evangelism can be made more relevant and interesting.
1) Morning of Christmas Day at MacRitchie reservoir. Was waiting for a friend while I saw two guys fishing. I asked them ,'Do you know that there is someone out there who is fishing for you?' and 'Have you heard of the phrase fishers of men in the bible?' Got to share with them about sin and the cross.
It turned out one of them is from St. Patricks sec school and so he has been exposed to Christianity since young. I reminded him that God is in pursuit of them. He was listening sincerely but it all ended quite abruptly because my friend arrived. I can but pray for him now.
2) Visit to the dentist, a young singaporean guy called Kenny. Got talking straight away as he was heading to germany and france soon so we were talking about the weather and of course, the condition of my teeth (which he was happy about :)). Didn't get to talk with him directly as he had to see the next patient almost immediately. However, I dropped him a thank you card in which I asked him, 'Do you know there is something in this world which resembles plague on teeth?'. Talked about how it keeps coming back despite our best efforts to clean it and how our sin can only throughly be cleansed by the Jesus' blood shed on the cross.
3) Hairdresser, a young malaysian lady called celine. My mum was with me so we were chatting about my studies in UK, etc. Managed to get them to laugh abit, saying how people do walk in UK while most people run about in Singapore. I asked her whether she thinks it is possible that there is someone who knows the exact number of hairs on her hair. She smiled and said no. I told her about how personal God is, how he cares for us and knows us intimately. Brief sharing.
All these were brief encounters and there were no visible signs of whether any difference were made, but I pray that seeds were planted and God would continue to reach out to them. But I realise that it's not difficult to try to relate God to the people whom we want to reach out to. Hopefully whenever the guy fishes, Kenny cleans the plague on someone else's teeth or Celine cuts another person's hair, they would all remember that God's eye is on them.
There were also occassions where I was wrestling to open my mouth. I.e. a electricity who came to service the meter, wanted to ask them whether he knows about the 'true source of energy in our lives'?. Also, the gas man who had the words printed on the back of his shirt 'Warming hearts in the city'. Can easily pop a question, 'Have you ever felt your heart truly warmed?', etc.
At the end of the day, it's obedience that God truly seeks. I can speak to a thousand people but continue to habour wicked thoughts. Let us be a repentant and obedient people :)
1) Morning of Christmas Day at MacRitchie reservoir. Was waiting for a friend while I saw two guys fishing. I asked them ,'Do you know that there is someone out there who is fishing for you?' and 'Have you heard of the phrase fishers of men in the bible?' Got to share with them about sin and the cross.
It turned out one of them is from St. Patricks sec school and so he has been exposed to Christianity since young. I reminded him that God is in pursuit of them. He was listening sincerely but it all ended quite abruptly because my friend arrived. I can but pray for him now.
2) Visit to the dentist, a young singaporean guy called Kenny. Got talking straight away as he was heading to germany and france soon so we were talking about the weather and of course, the condition of my teeth (which he was happy about :)). Didn't get to talk with him directly as he had to see the next patient almost immediately. However, I dropped him a thank you card in which I asked him, 'Do you know there is something in this world which resembles plague on teeth?'. Talked about how it keeps coming back despite our best efforts to clean it and how our sin can only throughly be cleansed by the Jesus' blood shed on the cross.
3) Hairdresser, a young malaysian lady called celine. My mum was with me so we were chatting about my studies in UK, etc. Managed to get them to laugh abit, saying how people do walk in UK while most people run about in Singapore. I asked her whether she thinks it is possible that there is someone who knows the exact number of hairs on her hair. She smiled and said no. I told her about how personal God is, how he cares for us and knows us intimately. Brief sharing.
All these were brief encounters and there were no visible signs of whether any difference were made, but I pray that seeds were planted and God would continue to reach out to them. But I realise that it's not difficult to try to relate God to the people whom we want to reach out to. Hopefully whenever the guy fishes, Kenny cleans the plague on someone else's teeth or Celine cuts another person's hair, they would all remember that God's eye is on them.
There were also occassions where I was wrestling to open my mouth. I.e. a electricity who came to service the meter, wanted to ask them whether he knows about the 'true source of energy in our lives'?. Also, the gas man who had the words printed on the back of his shirt 'Warming hearts in the city'. Can easily pop a question, 'Have you ever felt your heart truly warmed?', etc.
At the end of the day, it's obedience that God truly seeks. I can speak to a thousand people but continue to habour wicked thoughts. Let us be a repentant and obedient people :)
Wednesday 9 January 2008
Is my sacrifice living?
Taken from daily devotions, 'My utmost for his highest' by Oswald chambers.
Jan 8
'Abraham built an altar...; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar...' - Gen 22:9
This event is a picture of the mistake we make in thinking that the ultimate God wants of us is the sacrifice of death. What God wants is the sacrifice through death which enables us to do what Jesus did, that is, sacrifice our lives. Not-"Lord, I am ready to go with You...to death" (Luke 22:33). But-"I am willing to be identified with your death so that I may sacrifice my life to God."
We seem to think that God wants us to give up things! God purified Abraham from this error, and the same process is at work in our lives. God never tells us to give up things just for the sake of giving them up, but He tells us to give them up for the sake of the only thing worth having, namely, life with Himself. It is a matter of loosening the bands that hold back our lives. Those bands are loosened immediately by identification with the death of jesus. Then we enter into a relationship with God whereby we may sacrifice our lives to Him.
It is of no value to God to give Him your life for death. He wants you to be a 'living sacrifice'-to let Him have all your strengths that have been saved and sanctified through Jesus (Rm 12:1). This is what is acceptable to God.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
So often, my mindset is what I can do for God. But God demands obedience (Jeh 7:22-23) and a contrite heart (Psa 51:15-17). I do not feel entirely comfortable with luxuries of life and if I one day have wealth, I feel that I must give it away. From reading this devotion, I realise that I may have been habouring a wrong attitude. It's not so much about the sacrifice, but more about being a 'living sacrifice'. That means that it's more pleasing to God to not follow the evil imaginations of my heart (obedience) than to give up an entire fortune (sacrifice).
Am more and more convinced that God listens to the whispers of our heart. Just recently, I was wondering whether I would be able to see a cleaning lady whom I met when I first came back. Lo and behold, today while leaving for lunch with my parents, there she was. She was pleasantly surprised when I recognised her and she held on to my hand with a warm affection. Praise God.
Jan 8
'Abraham built an altar...; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar...' - Gen 22:9
This event is a picture of the mistake we make in thinking that the ultimate God wants of us is the sacrifice of death. What God wants is the sacrifice through death which enables us to do what Jesus did, that is, sacrifice our lives. Not-"Lord, I am ready to go with You...to death" (Luke 22:33). But-"I am willing to be identified with your death so that I may sacrifice my life to God."
We seem to think that God wants us to give up things! God purified Abraham from this error, and the same process is at work in our lives. God never tells us to give up things just for the sake of giving them up, but He tells us to give them up for the sake of the only thing worth having, namely, life with Himself. It is a matter of loosening the bands that hold back our lives. Those bands are loosened immediately by identification with the death of jesus. Then we enter into a relationship with God whereby we may sacrifice our lives to Him.
It is of no value to God to give Him your life for death. He wants you to be a 'living sacrifice'-to let Him have all your strengths that have been saved and sanctified through Jesus (Rm 12:1). This is what is acceptable to God.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
So often, my mindset is what I can do for God. But God demands obedience (Jeh 7:22-23) and a contrite heart (Psa 51:15-17). I do not feel entirely comfortable with luxuries of life and if I one day have wealth, I feel that I must give it away. From reading this devotion, I realise that I may have been habouring a wrong attitude. It's not so much about the sacrifice, but more about being a 'living sacrifice'. That means that it's more pleasing to God to not follow the evil imaginations of my heart (obedience) than to give up an entire fortune (sacrifice).
Am more and more convinced that God listens to the whispers of our heart. Just recently, I was wondering whether I would be able to see a cleaning lady whom I met when I first came back. Lo and behold, today while leaving for lunch with my parents, there she was. She was pleasantly surprised when I recognised her and she held on to my hand with a warm affection. Praise God.
Sunday 6 January 2008
Random reflections
5 more days left in Singapore...*GROANS* I have not touched my research at all! Wanted to complete a chapter in Singapore. My thesis has been crying out to me, but not too long after I would either spend time with parents, out with friends or rather read. No regrets though :)
For the first time during church today, I felt a kind of dissatisfaction. Singapore churches are generally very well decorated and equipped. A friend commented today, 'Something seems to be lost in the midst of the shine'. Perhaps it's related to my feelings as well. As I saw hundreds gather and worshiping God, I desired more. Worshiping God in His presense is wonderful and Psa 23 says He is all we need. However, I can keep coming to church on sunday (or even attend BS/fellowship on a weekday) and my friends who have mindsets which go against the truth would remain stuck and lost. It makes sense how one can have the impression that Christianity feels commercial. I hope this is not me trying to be legalistic or wanting to do things in my own strength according to my own plans. With all things it's a balance lah. I can only share with others what I have grasp myself and time spent on 'Christian' activities helps me in that.
New year resolutions? Didn't really intentionally come up with any list, but things in my heart now are 1)Plunging into God's word 2)Improve mandarin 3)Read up on current affairs daily
Plunge is a strong word. At the night safari, I saw this patient 'mini-leopard' strolling by the water, looking intensly into it. Occassionally, it would pick up its paw and make little strikes at the water, as if it was about to feed on a prey. I was standing there waiting for it to plunge into the water, but it continued it's seemingly meaningless routine. To plunge is to dive in completely, leaving none of myself and not simply to test water.
Had lunch with Pheng Aun's cell group today. Was blessed by the brief encounter-felt loved and accepted. A guy named Paul was going to Saudi Arabia for work attachment, wow! Gotta pray that he would stand firm in his faith and discover God's plan for him there. I managed to remember everyone's name-a great feat for me!
For the first time during church today, I felt a kind of dissatisfaction. Singapore churches are generally very well decorated and equipped. A friend commented today, 'Something seems to be lost in the midst of the shine'. Perhaps it's related to my feelings as well. As I saw hundreds gather and worshiping God, I desired more. Worshiping God in His presense is wonderful and Psa 23 says He is all we need. However, I can keep coming to church on sunday (or even attend BS/fellowship on a weekday) and my friends who have mindsets which go against the truth would remain stuck and lost. It makes sense how one can have the impression that Christianity feels commercial. I hope this is not me trying to be legalistic or wanting to do things in my own strength according to my own plans. With all things it's a balance lah. I can only share with others what I have grasp myself and time spent on 'Christian' activities helps me in that.
New year resolutions? Didn't really intentionally come up with any list, but things in my heart now are 1)Plunging into God's word 2)Improve mandarin 3)Read up on current affairs daily
Plunge is a strong word. At the night safari, I saw this patient 'mini-leopard' strolling by the water, looking intensly into it. Occassionally, it would pick up its paw and make little strikes at the water, as if it was about to feed on a prey. I was standing there waiting for it to plunge into the water, but it continued it's seemingly meaningless routine. To plunge is to dive in completely, leaving none of myself and not simply to test water.
Had lunch with Pheng Aun's cell group today. Was blessed by the brief encounter-felt loved and accepted. A guy named Paul was going to Saudi Arabia for work attachment, wow! Gotta pray that he would stand firm in his faith and discover God's plan for him there. I managed to remember everyone's name-a great feat for me!
Thursday 3 January 2008
Night safari and supper marathon
Joined Meiyin and Charis in a tour of the night safari. It's Charis first time in Singapore and she is spending a few days with Meiyin. I also felt like a tourist in Singapore as it was my first time in the safari. Was a very pleasant night and it's something different from how I usually spend my time back home. I thoroughly enjoyed the peaceful nightwalk through the park. The weather was cool and it's an escape from the concrete jungle of singapore. (HINT:It's a fantastic place for a date!!) Some areas where creepy, I remember a path just beside a pool where it seemed to be the same pool in which we just saw some crocodiles in. There were some smoke also. Maybe it was intentional! Ok...test of my memory to see what animals I saw: Leopard, tiger, spotted and stripped hyenas, lion, ottar, bats, flying squirrels, fishing cat, porcupine, wolfs, strange looking pigs (definately not the char siew ones), hippo... Was interesting how we were waiting for a porcupine to erect it's spines and we didn't need to wait long :) I was reminded that God was with us and God is awesome, hearing even our little desires. Ok..the most awesome bit of the night? It's the experience with the leopards. Was at this viewing gallery with a glass panel seperating people from the animals. At one point the leopards came right up to the glass panel and one sat down while the other was pacing around. I bent down and got as close to them as possible. As the leopard paced literally inches away from my face, I felt this sense of awesome reverent fear. Man..that must have been the moment of the night! It gave me a physical experience of how I am to be in reverent fear of God. Without the glass, the leopard could have easily killed me with a lash or a bite. God, on the other hand, with infinitely more power, is also a gentle and merciful God. He didn't choose to lash out at the world with his power, but sent His son as a saviour and is patient, not wanting anyone to perish but all to be saved. Meiyin was also eager to hear the roar of the lion which I believe would give the same feeling.
After the safari, we brought Charis around to jalan kayu for roti pata and geylang for soya bean. An intended drive along Benjamin shears bridge turned out to be a mini-disaster due to my 'half-bucket full' of the roads in Singapore. It's quite scary because this reflects the way I live my life at times, not being sure of a destination and not having a campus. Well, I had the street directory but didn't rely on it. Gotta rely on the bible man! A little wrong turn also threw us off course quite a distance away and I had to take the CTE back down to town again.
After the food and a mini-tour of singapore, we ended up at pungol park sharing and worshipping God with half-baked guitar skills. Realise my guitar and singing skills are good enough for personal worship at the moment :p I believe God put the three of us together that night for a reason as we could all relate to the trails in our families. Thank all who made the night and morning possible!
After the safari, we brought Charis around to jalan kayu for roti pata and geylang for soya bean. An intended drive along Benjamin shears bridge turned out to be a mini-disaster due to my 'half-bucket full' of the roads in Singapore. It's quite scary because this reflects the way I live my life at times, not being sure of a destination and not having a campus. Well, I had the street directory but didn't rely on it. Gotta rely on the bible man! A little wrong turn also threw us off course quite a distance away and I had to take the CTE back down to town again.
After the food and a mini-tour of singapore, we ended up at pungol park sharing and worshipping God with half-baked guitar skills. Realise my guitar and singing skills are good enough for personal worship at the moment :p I believe God put the three of us together that night for a reason as we could all relate to the trails in our families. Thank all who made the night and morning possible!
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