Rev Edmund Chan preached at the Christmas Service today. I sat with the team whom I am going to Pekanbaru tomorrow and am extremely thankful for it was a very relevant message to prepare our hearts for the trip. Over the past few days, God has already been tutoring my heart that He is in control, a main point of the sermon. It's so amazing to be in tuned with God, knowing that He is speaking and the 'random' inspirations I have especially in my morning QT are indeed of God.
A joke was made in the message about a kid who saw his father's poor results in his own record card. A wild idea then came across me. I pictured myself tearing my primary school report books and scattering a few small pieces in the sea as I head to Batam tomorrow. This is not to prevent my future children from seeing my report card. I intend it to be a symbolic act of breaking away from this negative self worth because of my bad experience in primary school. Christ has already redeemed us and set us free. These acts merely act as a reminder and resolution to urge us ahead.
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.-Phil 3:13-14
I am someone who finds it hard to throw things away. It wasn't easy to tear the report books. At several points, I thought that it's also meaningful to keep it as a memory from my childhood and where God has brought me from.
Could there be a natural inclination to keep to things of the past, to stay in our comfort zone?
I pray that whenever I am tempted to feel lousy as a poor primary school student, I would look back at this symbolic act and boldly proclaim "I am a new creation in Christ!" I look forward to scattering it across the seas tomorrow morning.....
Friday 25 December 2009
Leading my best friend to Christ
Do read the previous entry before this, it will be a double dose to the testimony of God's faithfulness!
Last Sunday, 20th Dec, was one of two evangelistic christmas services in CEFC. I often struggle in going without any pre-believing friends for such services. I invited some but none could make it. That morning in my QT, there was a sense of release from this subtle performance-based mindset. I went to church seeking to encounter God personally and was filled with joy. I sat with a sister whom I recently knew through the kid's camp.
There was a prior arrangement in the afternoon to visit my best friend from secondary school whose wife just gave birth to a baby boy (2 weeks old). We met for lunch at KFC@Jurongpoint before going to his condo. One thing led to another in the conversation and I eventually shared with him the E.cube and led him to Christ. The noisy environment around us was not a factor at all! God was present and it was a heartfelt sincere prayer my best friend uttered boldly to God. He has gone through much trials this year and God has already been working mightily. It was years ago since I started praying for him and God proved himself faithful not only to my prayers, but I am sure many of his other Christian friends as well. Am keeping him in prayer to be discipled.
If God had used me to lead someone to Christ earlier on in my walk, I would be more prideful. Today, I stand more humbled knowing that salvation belongs to our God. My faith is now more experiential, following the Hebraic understanding of the word 'Know' (that He is God).
Yesterday, I brought another secondary friend to the Mandarin Christmas Service on 24th Dec. His posture remains very guarded, but I know his heart was touched and perhaps one step closer.
By the way, after lunch at KFC, we went to his place to see the baby. It was really strange seeing a sec school friend caring for his baby! He's one of the first amongst the guys to be a parent :) We watched the movie Amazing Grace. It was fantastic! It's a great movie for a follow up, especially just after someone had received Christ :)
Praise Him.
Last Sunday, 20th Dec, was one of two evangelistic christmas services in CEFC. I often struggle in going without any pre-believing friends for such services. I invited some but none could make it. That morning in my QT, there was a sense of release from this subtle performance-based mindset. I went to church seeking to encounter God personally and was filled with joy. I sat with a sister whom I recently knew through the kid's camp.
There was a prior arrangement in the afternoon to visit my best friend from secondary school whose wife just gave birth to a baby boy (2 weeks old). We met for lunch at KFC@Jurongpoint before going to his condo. One thing led to another in the conversation and I eventually shared with him the E.cube and led him to Christ. The noisy environment around us was not a factor at all! God was present and it was a heartfelt sincere prayer my best friend uttered boldly to God. He has gone through much trials this year and God has already been working mightily. It was years ago since I started praying for him and God proved himself faithful not only to my prayers, but I am sure many of his other Christian friends as well. Am keeping him in prayer to be discipled.
If God had used me to lead someone to Christ earlier on in my walk, I would be more prideful. Today, I stand more humbled knowing that salvation belongs to our God. My faith is now more experiential, following the Hebraic understanding of the word 'Know' (that He is God).
Yesterday, I brought another secondary friend to the Mandarin Christmas Service on 24th Dec. His posture remains very guarded, but I know his heart was touched and perhaps one step closer.
By the way, after lunch at KFC, we went to his place to see the baby. It was really strange seeing a sec school friend caring for his baby! He's one of the first amongst the guys to be a parent :) We watched the movie Amazing Grace. It was fantastic! It's a great movie for a follow up, especially just after someone had received Christ :)
Praise Him.
Monday 14 December 2009
Covenant Kidzcamp 2009-Oligopistos
The recent Kidzcamp from 10th to 12th of Dec was my “BreakThru” Weekend!
To be frank, sacrificing two days of precious leave for the Kidzcamp was not easy, but I now realise God has blessed me many times fold. Witnessing how God reached out to young tender hearts led me to a deeper realisation of how real our God is. The theme of the camp was “Don’t Worry”, “Fear Not” and “Trust Jesus”. Although there were no groundbreaking sermons preached, the message, in all its simplicity, was taught through interactive activities, games and stories. I often wonder how much of the message gets across when many children appear to be restless and not paying attention. But time after time, I am surprised by the children’s responses proving that something was deposited.
Two especially touching moments during the camp. First was during the end of an ice cream session, a P2 non-christian girl came up to me and asked me to show her the memory verses (1 Peter 5:7 and Psa 34:4) in the bible. My bible “just happen” to be lying on the table (brought it for the Amazing Race) and I showed her the verses, including John 14:6, explaining what did Jesus mean when He said he was the Truth, the Way and the Life. She was as responsive as I could ever expect from a non-christian and it felt as if I would get a straight Yes if I had popped the question of whether she wanted to accept Christ. But I held back as I thought it would be more appropriate to do it in a quieter environment and maybe use some materials targeted for children to guide her through. I asked Jade about it later and she said there would be another altar call the next morning. I was delighted and looked forward to it. By the way, she accepted Christ that next morning I am surprised by my own sense of surrender in this. I am someone who works very hard to build bridges, sensing for people’s readiness and will not hesitate to share the gospel. But I do know that in my eagerness to seek to bring people to Christ lies some hidden self-motive for merit. Especially now when the church is encouraging us to believe in God to personally bring someone to Christ, I still have nil salvations and I feel discouraged sometimes! So, I was surprised by my own sense of release when I found myself looking forward to this girl receiving Christ through the next morning altar call and not through myself! I think my vision of God’s kingdom just grew a little bigger. Still have NIL salvations, but that is perfectly alright
Next touching moment was during ministry time on the last day. A P3 boy whom I have always wanted to get to know better outside of Sunday school was in my group (God knows my heart). During ministry time when the speaker called for the children to rededicate their lives to God, I saw that he was getting ready to stand up and I slowly stood up too. My heart melted and I started to tear as he walked to my side. I placed my hand around him and prayed with him as he recommitted himself. He shared that he felt he wasn’t obedient and my heart was immensely touched by a young boy coming to this self-realisation. It’s comical how he shared with another teacher how he felt strange that he could feel happy yet tear. God manifested strongly throughout that session and I believe many children and teachers were touched. I received from God a release of my sense of performance during that session, especially as I saw the P2 girl standing up to receive Christ.
Back to the grown-up world, it’s interesting how I now sometimes see the child in people around me. Much of our personality is already formed as a child. In as much as how these children need God and increase in their knowledge and intimacy with Him, we adults are no different. The child is still very much in us!
I sometimes feel like I have missed out on so much time to know and grow in God as He found me at the age of 23. The corrupted values and habits that have been ingrained before 23 needs extra perseverance and deliverance to overcome. In one of my time with God in the morning before camp, I pictured myself like a little kid in the camp with a rested assurance knowing that God already knew me then. It’s strange but somehow I felt like I attended the camp myself as a little kid. There were actually pretty vivid visualizations (I sort of remember how I looked like as a kid, also long skinny face) of myself in a kidzcamp setting. How cool is that!
Gosh, I didn’t expect to write so much, but yes, it’s all because I have been blessed tremendously. The two days of leave couldn’t have been more well-spent. And guess what, I still have 6 days of leave left for the year remaining even after deducting those days which I will be using for a mission trip to Indonesia after Christmas.
Another fact about kidzcamp, children do wear you out, haha…..
To be frank, sacrificing two days of precious leave for the Kidzcamp was not easy, but I now realise God has blessed me many times fold. Witnessing how God reached out to young tender hearts led me to a deeper realisation of how real our God is. The theme of the camp was “Don’t Worry”, “Fear Not” and “Trust Jesus”. Although there were no groundbreaking sermons preached, the message, in all its simplicity, was taught through interactive activities, games and stories. I often wonder how much of the message gets across when many children appear to be restless and not paying attention. But time after time, I am surprised by the children’s responses proving that something was deposited.
Two especially touching moments during the camp. First was during the end of an ice cream session, a P2 non-christian girl came up to me and asked me to show her the memory verses (1 Peter 5:7 and Psa 34:4) in the bible. My bible “just happen” to be lying on the table (brought it for the Amazing Race) and I showed her the verses, including John 14:6, explaining what did Jesus mean when He said he was the Truth, the Way and the Life. She was as responsive as I could ever expect from a non-christian and it felt as if I would get a straight Yes if I had popped the question of whether she wanted to accept Christ. But I held back as I thought it would be more appropriate to do it in a quieter environment and maybe use some materials targeted for children to guide her through. I asked Jade about it later and she said there would be another altar call the next morning. I was delighted and looked forward to it. By the way, she accepted Christ that next morning I am surprised by my own sense of surrender in this. I am someone who works very hard to build bridges, sensing for people’s readiness and will not hesitate to share the gospel. But I do know that in my eagerness to seek to bring people to Christ lies some hidden self-motive for merit. Especially now when the church is encouraging us to believe in God to personally bring someone to Christ, I still have nil salvations and I feel discouraged sometimes! So, I was surprised by my own sense of release when I found myself looking forward to this girl receiving Christ through the next morning altar call and not through myself! I think my vision of God’s kingdom just grew a little bigger. Still have NIL salvations, but that is perfectly alright
Next touching moment was during ministry time on the last day. A P3 boy whom I have always wanted to get to know better outside of Sunday school was in my group (God knows my heart). During ministry time when the speaker called for the children to rededicate their lives to God, I saw that he was getting ready to stand up and I slowly stood up too. My heart melted and I started to tear as he walked to my side. I placed my hand around him and prayed with him as he recommitted himself. He shared that he felt he wasn’t obedient and my heart was immensely touched by a young boy coming to this self-realisation. It’s comical how he shared with another teacher how he felt strange that he could feel happy yet tear. God manifested strongly throughout that session and I believe many children and teachers were touched. I received from God a release of my sense of performance during that session, especially as I saw the P2 girl standing up to receive Christ.
Back to the grown-up world, it’s interesting how I now sometimes see the child in people around me. Much of our personality is already formed as a child. In as much as how these children need God and increase in their knowledge and intimacy with Him, we adults are no different. The child is still very much in us!
I sometimes feel like I have missed out on so much time to know and grow in God as He found me at the age of 23. The corrupted values and habits that have been ingrained before 23 needs extra perseverance and deliverance to overcome. In one of my time with God in the morning before camp, I pictured myself like a little kid in the camp with a rested assurance knowing that God already knew me then. It’s strange but somehow I felt like I attended the camp myself as a little kid. There were actually pretty vivid visualizations (I sort of remember how I looked like as a kid, also long skinny face) of myself in a kidzcamp setting. How cool is that!
Gosh, I didn’t expect to write so much, but yes, it’s all because I have been blessed tremendously. The two days of leave couldn’t have been more well-spent. And guess what, I still have 6 days of leave left for the year remaining even after deducting those days which I will be using for a mission trip to Indonesia after Christmas.
Another fact about kidzcamp, children do wear you out, haha…..
Saturday 5 December 2009
Rest in God
Set aside today to reflect and journal on the past year. But before I write-up on the year, wish to journal specifically upon a subject God tutored me on during the start of the year-God's rest.
Only this year do I realise one of God's intent for the Israelites to conquer the Promised Land is to give them rest.
Deut 25:19 "When the LORD your God gives you rest from all the enemies around you in the land he is giving you to possess as an inheritance...."
Jos 21:43-45 "So the LORD gave Israel all the land he had sworn to give their forefathers, and they took possession of it and settled there. The LORD gave them rest on every side, just as he had sworn to their forefathers. Not one of their enemies withstood them; the LORD handed all their enemies over to them. Not one of all the LORD's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled."
The basis of God's rest is His love, His promises and most importantly, Jesus.
John 19:30-When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
I have heard the phrase 'We fight FROM victory', but yet I often fight from doubts, struggles and defeat. As I ended my extended QT today, there was a sense of release from the following areas:
-Need to equip myself (handling children, singing, knowledge)
-Ministry
-Evangelism, bridging bridges with friends
-Spiritual disciplines
These are positive aspirations. However, it shouldn't be pursued with a self drivenness but instead from a position of REST in God. I desire to make this my default position and I believe it will come about as I know Him more intimately. I live my life trying and doing much without fully believing and appreciating that my life is in His hands, and He is extremely concerned with me and has a purpose for me (which will come to pass).
In fact, as I am currently organising the mission trip to Pekanbaru, I can see His hand upon bringing the people together and the planning. Also, in my desire to bridge the gaps between my relationship with dad and mum, I can visibly see God's leading. Just watched the movie 2012 with parents last night and the main theme which spoke powerfully to me was the bond between father and son. Although I do not have a clear leading as to my vocation/career, I know He has a plan and He is ALREADY guiding.
Difficulty is that this paradigm shift goes against the conditioning of my life since young. It starts from primary school (I can't remember if i was competitive in my pre-school) where life is intelligence and performance driven. Maybe this is one of my primary blocks as I often share about how lousy I felt as a poor student. Until now, I still tend to feel insecure when I encounter areas of intelligence/abilities.
I thank God for revealing this so I can start the paradigm shift and am excited about the breakthroughs it will bring :)
Only this year do I realise one of God's intent for the Israelites to conquer the Promised Land is to give them rest.
Deut 25:19 "When the LORD your God gives you rest from all the enemies around you in the land he is giving you to possess as an inheritance...."
Jos 21:43-45 "So the LORD gave Israel all the land he had sworn to give their forefathers, and they took possession of it and settled there. The LORD gave them rest on every side, just as he had sworn to their forefathers. Not one of their enemies withstood them; the LORD handed all their enemies over to them. Not one of all the LORD's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled."
The basis of God's rest is His love, His promises and most importantly, Jesus.
John 19:30-When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
I have heard the phrase 'We fight FROM victory', but yet I often fight from doubts, struggles and defeat. As I ended my extended QT today, there was a sense of release from the following areas:
-Need to equip myself (handling children, singing, knowledge)
-Ministry
-Evangelism, bridging bridges with friends
-Spiritual disciplines
These are positive aspirations. However, it shouldn't be pursued with a self drivenness but instead from a position of REST in God. I desire to make this my default position and I believe it will come about as I know Him more intimately. I live my life trying and doing much without fully believing and appreciating that my life is in His hands, and He is extremely concerned with me and has a purpose for me (which will come to pass).
In fact, as I am currently organising the mission trip to Pekanbaru, I can see His hand upon bringing the people together and the planning. Also, in my desire to bridge the gaps between my relationship with dad and mum, I can visibly see God's leading. Just watched the movie 2012 with parents last night and the main theme which spoke powerfully to me was the bond between father and son. Although I do not have a clear leading as to my vocation/career, I know He has a plan and He is ALREADY guiding.
Difficulty is that this paradigm shift goes against the conditioning of my life since young. It starts from primary school (I can't remember if i was competitive in my pre-school) where life is intelligence and performance driven. Maybe this is one of my primary blocks as I often share about how lousy I felt as a poor student. Until now, I still tend to feel insecure when I encounter areas of intelligence/abilities.
I thank God for revealing this so I can start the paradigm shift and am excited about the breakthroughs it will bring :)
Monday 26 October 2009
Day of prayer on 24th Oct
Had a transaction with God on the subject of Identity In Christ. I have read about this since the first few months of becoming a Christian, but how much of it has actualised over the past 6 years? My struggles with insecurity and lust arise from emptiness within. Much of my time is often spent on pursuing my passion on social entrepreneurship, church activities, family and friends. However, strip away all of these and what's left? The truth is that I should still have everything in Christ!
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ" Phil 3:8 (ESV)
However, these activities can often create a mist camouflaging my inner emptiness; hidden from others, and most dangerously, myself. Thus, it was refreshing to have my identify in God deeply reaffirmed during day of prayer. Ministry out of emptiness will bear no fruit.
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ" Phil 3:8 (ESV)
However, these activities can often create a mist camouflaging my inner emptiness; hidden from others, and most dangerously, myself. Thus, it was refreshing to have my identify in God deeply reaffirmed during day of prayer. Ministry out of emptiness will bear no fruit.
Thursday 28 May 2009
6 months into work
Apologies to friends who have been faithful in coming back to my blog looking for updates as there hasn't been any for the past months. Really glad I am making the effort to share and reflect now, mainly about work (which I am glad too).
During the initial period of my job, I often felt lousy about myself because there was much I didn't know about. With 6 months of retrospect, I was real foolish and was too hard on myself. Everything was new and it's my first job, how could I expect myself to be competent? I have learned to tell my colleague who felt that I was learning slowly that she can do it, but I just can't. And it's perfectly fine! The best thing one can do for himself is to be happy with who he is and do his level-best.
Several of my friends/colleagues are curious why I joined the department. It's a far cry from my studies/research and it certainly doesn't require a PhD. It deals with legal contracts and is largely an administrative job. These comments originate from sincere concerns and I do take note of them. However, it’s often the unseen which is paramount. When work gets monotonous, I rely on the faith that there is a purpose. Values are ingrained in this season which will not happen elsewhere as I focus on my attitudes instead of the environment. I'm someone who values the learning process despite not knowing fully where the present journey is bringing me.
Having said that, while I am unsure of the route, I have aspirations in work. My desire is to make a difference through my work. For example, channeling NUS technologies to help poor people outside singapore. My mind by default is like a radar screen picking up opportunities. For example, when I hear of a rice crop with higher yields, I would immediately think about the mission trip to Indonesia and maybe bring it to them. Also example would be how technologies related to water could be used in the villages I see where people are using the same pool of water for many purposes.
It's possible to be a dreamer outside of God's will. Thus, it's critical for me to wait upon Him and be sensitive to His guidance. It makes perfect sense because ONLY His purposes shall prevail.
I am intending to write separate blog entries on different lessons I am learning through work, so stay tuned!
Take care, especially my long-distance friends (you know who you are)!
During the initial period of my job, I often felt lousy about myself because there was much I didn't know about. With 6 months of retrospect, I was real foolish and was too hard on myself. Everything was new and it's my first job, how could I expect myself to be competent? I have learned to tell my colleague who felt that I was learning slowly that she can do it, but I just can't. And it's perfectly fine! The best thing one can do for himself is to be happy with who he is and do his level-best.
Several of my friends/colleagues are curious why I joined the department. It's a far cry from my studies/research and it certainly doesn't require a PhD. It deals with legal contracts and is largely an administrative job. These comments originate from sincere concerns and I do take note of them. However, it’s often the unseen which is paramount. When work gets monotonous, I rely on the faith that there is a purpose. Values are ingrained in this season which will not happen elsewhere as I focus on my attitudes instead of the environment. I'm someone who values the learning process despite not knowing fully where the present journey is bringing me.
Having said that, while I am unsure of the route, I have aspirations in work. My desire is to make a difference through my work. For example, channeling NUS technologies to help poor people outside singapore. My mind by default is like a radar screen picking up opportunities. For example, when I hear of a rice crop with higher yields, I would immediately think about the mission trip to Indonesia and maybe bring it to them. Also example would be how technologies related to water could be used in the villages I see where people are using the same pool of water for many purposes.
It's possible to be a dreamer outside of God's will. Thus, it's critical for me to wait upon Him and be sensitive to His guidance. It makes perfect sense because ONLY His purposes shall prevail.
I am intending to write separate blog entries on different lessons I am learning through work, so stay tuned!
Take care, especially my long-distance friends (you know who you are)!
Saturday 24 January 2009
Inside out
A recent conversation led to the contemplation of life transforming principles. I believe it was a God anointed time as I started to experience breakthroughs immediately after.
It's the principle of inside-out.
Ps Edmund Chan calls it the Red Bar (External) and the Blue Bar (Internal). In 'Mentoring Paradigms', the external is defined by our affluence or acquisition (what we have), our associations (who we know), our appearance (how we look), our abilities (what we can do) and our accomplishments (what we have done). The internal focuses on integrity, character and the posture of the surrendered soul. It is a life that seeks to grow from the inside out.
An area I struggle with is my competency. This might be a surprise to many, but I struggle with language (spelling&vocab), being eloquent, and even daily common sense/sharpness displayed by others and which I am oblivious to. Especially since I started work, this self-doubt constantly arise. Also, I find it hard to engage the children whilst serving in sunday school.
Common advise may be 'Take it easy, you're still learning', 'We are all not perfect, just accept yourself'. They are true statements, but they do not deal with the root issue. I realise I have been so caught up with the external. Whenever I feel incompetent, it's because I 1) Focus on the external 2) Compare.
I am overly concerned about the externals because I lack a deep inner life. I have always assumed my inner life is pretty alright because of my spiritual disciplines and activities, but these are simply external yardsticks. My wrestle with insecurity and incompetency reflects otherwise. This is not an easy confession, because I find pleasure when others look on to me as a 'good' Christian.
It is foolish to orientate my life towards the externals. Because it is more peripheral than central, it becomes an endless pursuit of personal achievements and people's approval. No rest can thus be found. What reference do I measure the externals against? It will either result in pride or misery. On the other hand, reference for the inward is God, the most worthy pursuit which allows for imperfection along the way!
However, say what may, the externals are inevitable aspects of our life. The externals are often channels through which one makes an impact or influence on others. We cannot negate the externals. Instead, the focus has to be on cultivating a deep inner life to anchor the externals of life. Even the most sincere intentions would crumble without a solid foundation. Thus, the approach has to be inside-out. I will continue developing my externals, but I will not feel discouraged whenever I do not meet my own expectations(no sensible references in the first place!) and always return to the foundation. I learn to say 'It's Alright!' because the external is secondary.
The inwards is more invisible. As such, if I find faults in people, it would be oriented towards the external. Since the inwards is of utmost importance, I will pray for the person's inner life instead. Whatever judgment I make is definitely skewed anyway and what rights do I have to point any fingers when I myself do the same things.
The externals do not last.
It's the principle of inside-out.
Ps Edmund Chan calls it the Red Bar (External) and the Blue Bar (Internal). In 'Mentoring Paradigms', the external is defined by our affluence or acquisition (what we have), our associations (who we know), our appearance (how we look), our abilities (what we can do) and our accomplishments (what we have done). The internal focuses on integrity, character and the posture of the surrendered soul. It is a life that seeks to grow from the inside out.
An area I struggle with is my competency. This might be a surprise to many, but I struggle with language (spelling&vocab), being eloquent, and even daily common sense/sharpness displayed by others and which I am oblivious to. Especially since I started work, this self-doubt constantly arise. Also, I find it hard to engage the children whilst serving in sunday school.
Common advise may be 'Take it easy, you're still learning', 'We are all not perfect, just accept yourself'. They are true statements, but they do not deal with the root issue. I realise I have been so caught up with the external. Whenever I feel incompetent, it's because I 1) Focus on the external 2) Compare.
I am overly concerned about the externals because I lack a deep inner life. I have always assumed my inner life is pretty alright because of my spiritual disciplines and activities, but these are simply external yardsticks. My wrestle with insecurity and incompetency reflects otherwise. This is not an easy confession, because I find pleasure when others look on to me as a 'good' Christian.
It is foolish to orientate my life towards the externals. Because it is more peripheral than central, it becomes an endless pursuit of personal achievements and people's approval. No rest can thus be found. What reference do I measure the externals against? It will either result in pride or misery. On the other hand, reference for the inward is God, the most worthy pursuit which allows for imperfection along the way!
However, say what may, the externals are inevitable aspects of our life. The externals are often channels through which one makes an impact or influence on others. We cannot negate the externals. Instead, the focus has to be on cultivating a deep inner life to anchor the externals of life. Even the most sincere intentions would crumble without a solid foundation. Thus, the approach has to be inside-out. I will continue developing my externals, but I will not feel discouraged whenever I do not meet my own expectations(no sensible references in the first place!) and always return to the foundation. I learn to say 'It's Alright!' because the external is secondary.
The inwards is more invisible. As such, if I find faults in people, it would be oriented towards the external. Since the inwards is of utmost importance, I will pray for the person's inner life instead. Whatever judgment I make is definitely skewed anyway and what rights do I have to point any fingers when I myself do the same things.
The externals do not last.
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